I survived January.
The last few entries have not been anything substantial, and even though this is probably just an avoidance of more homework I want to collect my thoughts.
Today was a very emotional day. I don't know how else to describe it. This whole week has been pretty emotional for me. Last night was amazing, though. Even if I had a camera it would not have done justice to the stars in the sky, the bridge!, the trees against the winter sky. Spinning around like a little kid again, screaming songs on the top of my lungs on the swings.
I have felt lately like I have dissapointed a lot of people.
I am getting closer to my mom, last night we drank tea and talked about things that have been happening lately. I don't know if my lack of communication with my family has been due solely to my abscence at home, or my mental abscence just in general. I have been in a whirlwind lately.
This all changed last Thursday, when I went with Anton to the doctors for a blood test. The night before Paul was comforting me ( along with everyone else because I still act like I'm 12) and said the most unusaul thing.
"What if I have a horrible disease and I die?!"
"Then...you die".
I really thought about what that meant. I then realized the phobia that has dominated my entire life has been an empty threat. I am not afraid of dying. If I had ever bothered to stop worrying incessantly over non-existent diseases, I would have spent a minute to connect a to b to c. I needed to put my faith in God into action. Dying, is by far, the least of what my worries should be.
I am communicating better with my brother. I am communicating with people, period. I reaaallly enjoy Thursdays with Lacee. She's good for the soul♥ As well as Severina, who's pretty amazing. Even my closest friends I am getting closer to, despite all the changes we are all going through.
These days I enjoy drinking tea for some reason, oh and diet coke it's weird. Reading my bible and bradley hathaway and actually getting my homework done and STUDYING, I can't believe it.
I have resolutions:
1. Start working out again. I don't feel good at all when I'm not. Sign up for kickboxing as sure as I know I'm healthy. [which there is no reason why I shouldn't be]
2. NOT talk to BOYS on the phone after 11 p.m. I lose to much sleep.
3. Become a good role model as an aunt.
4. Talk to Taylor Seville Watson more, even though we are still close. I can't wait to see her.
5. drink MORE tea.
6. hang out with more good people ♥
Today was a very emotional day. I don't know how else to describe it. This whole week has been pretty emotional for me. Last night was amazing, though. Even if I had a camera it would not have done justice to the stars in the sky, the bridge!, the trees against the winter sky. Spinning around like a little kid again, screaming songs on the top of my lungs on the swings.
I have felt lately like I have dissapointed a lot of people.
I am getting closer to my mom, last night we drank tea and talked about things that have been happening lately. I don't know if my lack of communication with my family has been due solely to my abscence at home, or my mental abscence just in general. I have been in a whirlwind lately.
This all changed last Thursday, when I went with Anton to the doctors for a blood test. The night before Paul was comforting me ( along with everyone else because I still act like I'm 12) and said the most unusaul thing.
"What if I have a horrible disease and I die?!"
"Then...you die".
I really thought about what that meant. I then realized the phobia that has dominated my entire life has been an empty threat. I am not afraid of dying. If I had ever bothered to stop worrying incessantly over non-existent diseases, I would have spent a minute to connect a to b to c. I needed to put my faith in God into action. Dying, is by far, the least of what my worries should be.
I am communicating better with my brother. I am communicating with people, period. I reaaallly enjoy Thursdays with Lacee. She's good for the soul♥ As well as Severina, who's pretty amazing. Even my closest friends I am getting closer to, despite all the changes we are all going through.
These days I enjoy drinking tea for some reason, oh and diet coke it's weird. Reading my bible and bradley hathaway and actually getting my homework done and STUDYING, I can't believe it.
I have resolutions:
1. Start working out again. I don't feel good at all when I'm not. Sign up for kickboxing as sure as I know I'm healthy. [which there is no reason why I shouldn't be]
2. NOT talk to BOYS on the phone after 11 p.m. I lose to much sleep.
3. Become a good role model as an aunt.
4. Talk to Taylor Seville Watson more, even though we are still close. I can't wait to see her.
5. drink MORE tea.
6. hang out with more good people ♥