Great expectations
You know, I have a new philosophy right now!
"It isn't people who hurt us most of the times, it is our expectations that turn out to be the most painful when not met in reality"
The funny thing is, our mothers raise us to be good! They tell us stories about the handsome prince who rushes to save his beloved beautiful queen from the hands of either the old evil witch, the big freakish demon or the monster guarding her far far away lair! They tell us that life has good and evil; that good is good and evil is bad -unless you were raised in Addam's Family, then it's a different version you are told, lol - and so, we must be good and renounce evilness!
Our mothers' fiction world is very simple. No one is really poor there and even if there are, it's not that big deal, a man is poor but is nonetheless well-fed, lives in his own place and is -more or less- master on his very own little world. In our mothers' fairy kingdoms, no one is really oppressed, deprived of love and affection for what he is. No one is hated just for being of different color or religion and absolutely no one gets killed except the evil mad witch who manages, somehow in every little tale, to kill herself trying to kill good people!
In our mothers' world, then, it is so easy to be good and not so hard being evil. For if being good is, at least, a matter of choice, some other people are just born evil! They don't even try for it; it's their gift at the end of the day and they love it! No evil character explains her point of view and none complains about playing the black sheep; for after all, that's our mothers' world where no one is dissatisfied with what (S)he is nor is aspiring to be something else (s)he is not!
it's all ok! don't get me wrong.. God only knows how much kids need to listen to these stories: They will see their share of shit in this world when they grow up, so they are entitled to little simplicity and cheerfulness beforehand!
Yet our mothers repeat the same mistake over and over again! And no child gets the privilege of being told that our real world doesn't work this way!
In our true world, there is no absolute evilness or goodness. There is only in between! A concept called Humanity always suspended between Angelic and Demonic admiring the former but knowing deep in the heart that it can never be achieved -for it disagrees completely with our selfish nature - and despising the later that it never hesitates to imitates when need rises!
"Humanity is our reality, our nature and our curse" says no mother in this world, though they all should
Out of this, basic simplistic view of life we grow up with a natural weakness. A disease I would rather call, "Expectations"!
Most of us pretend to forget it, however, after a period of time. And those tend to call any overt ill person "Naive". But even those, never fail to show their weaknesses when they are in trouble, danger or better, when they are vulnerably falling in love.
We tell our secrets then, expecting -or praying as some people might disguise the word- salvation, rescue or mutual interest. Most of the times it works, people would then say that some good does exist in this world, forgetting all in all the true reason why it worked from the start which is basically; that the other party is also ill; expecting the rescued, salvaged or loved person to reciprocate the attention (S)he gave them. But that's also OK! Our mothers should be thanked for this achievement! Creating the real illusion of absolute goodness, strong enough to save one's life or bring him into the heavens of warm love!
It gets ugly only when the other party fails to give to his illusion of goodness. And don't be indignantly surprised when I tell you that it happens quite very often; almost with a fifty-fifty prevalence.
Selfishness blocks illusions' path. Selfishness tell him that no body stood for him when he needed aid, that no one understood her when she most needed, that no one loved him when he was showering them with his affections and favors and that no one ever cared to side with her when she was all alone facing different hardships: One way or the other, Vengeance - as the denied, other party would call it - or Self-preservation as we call it - We, then, being the ones refusing to love, rescue, interfere...etc- has to win.
It's like time, wholly random yet somehow completely predictable: A balance-scale with two weighing pans weighing different goods against masses with, yet again, fifty-fifty odds of each pan to outweigh the other or a two-sided coin being flopped in the air. The outcome isn't so hard to guess, it's either yes or no, me or the world, Selfishness or goodness, angel or demon and so on!
This eternal problem was never solved, and will never!
You see, the full half of the cup is so sweet it is almost addicting -in a good way- and as for the empty half? Well, people recover, move on, forgive and forget. "Time heals all" we say, once more rather wrongfully; for time just passes and only our human nature - Our "Humanity", destiny and curse - is flexible and deals with it - or at least the majority of us do.
Still, recovery-time isn't always the same and I happen to have found out that wounds caused merely by our high expectations of somebody tend to take longer time to heal. And it all means that the key to solving our misery is inside our souls, that we know exactly the exit from our humanly cage!
A choice looms on the horizon then? .... (Beethoven's fifth symphony's first movement playing in the background... tatatatatataaaaa!)
No, not really!
Letting go of your expectations isn't a course-of-action I would advise: the alternative, the outcome, is too bad a spectacle! True! a man without expectations is almost immune to being hurt, invulnerable, but nonetheless a cold being, a man with no emotions not to mention, a failure in most of cases; you can't expect to be the only person allowed to actually kick the ball in a basket-ball game and not stand all alone in the game! Once inside the playground, you have to play with its rules or face penalties and be kicked out. And no, the prospect that they become painless -since you are immune to pain anyway- doesn't make it any better.
Perhaps we can just lower our expectations from everybody so as not to be greatly hurt but all in all live with this weakness untouched? Yes, I think I just got the nag of it!
Humanity isn't perfect! so what? it's all we get when we are born, a software full of flaws and weaknesses but hey! cheer up! mother nature isn't Apple inc or Google, it's smarter! With a built in, automatic Flexibility Tm engine, the copy corrects itself of itself, clears and rebuilds torn down sections and even delete the heavy history directory every now and then.
LOL... Happy Valentine's day, everybody! Just remember, lower your expectations, starting from today's gift you can't wait to get and so forth.
And you'll do just fine.
"It isn't people who hurt us most of the times, it is our expectations that turn out to be the most painful when not met in reality"
The funny thing is, our mothers raise us to be good! They tell us stories about the handsome prince who rushes to save his beloved beautiful queen from the hands of either the old evil witch, the big freakish demon or the monster guarding her far far away lair! They tell us that life has good and evil; that good is good and evil is bad -unless you were raised in Addam's Family, then it's a different version you are told, lol - and so, we must be good and renounce evilness!
Our mothers' fiction world is very simple. No one is really poor there and even if there are, it's not that big deal, a man is poor but is nonetheless well-fed, lives in his own place and is -more or less- master on his very own little world. In our mothers' fairy kingdoms, no one is really oppressed, deprived of love and affection for what he is. No one is hated just for being of different color or religion and absolutely no one gets killed except the evil mad witch who manages, somehow in every little tale, to kill herself trying to kill good people!
In our mothers' world, then, it is so easy to be good and not so hard being evil. For if being good is, at least, a matter of choice, some other people are just born evil! They don't even try for it; it's their gift at the end of the day and they love it! No evil character explains her point of view and none complains about playing the black sheep; for after all, that's our mothers' world where no one is dissatisfied with what (S)he is nor is aspiring to be something else (s)he is not!
it's all ok! don't get me wrong.. God only knows how much kids need to listen to these stories: They will see their share of shit in this world when they grow up, so they are entitled to little simplicity and cheerfulness beforehand!
Yet our mothers repeat the same mistake over and over again! And no child gets the privilege of being told that our real world doesn't work this way!
In our true world, there is no absolute evilness or goodness. There is only in between! A concept called Humanity always suspended between Angelic and Demonic admiring the former but knowing deep in the heart that it can never be achieved -for it disagrees completely with our selfish nature - and despising the later that it never hesitates to imitates when need rises!
"Humanity is our reality, our nature and our curse" says no mother in this world, though they all should
Out of this, basic simplistic view of life we grow up with a natural weakness. A disease I would rather call, "Expectations"!
Most of us pretend to forget it, however, after a period of time. And those tend to call any overt ill person "Naive". But even those, never fail to show their weaknesses when they are in trouble, danger or better, when they are vulnerably falling in love.
We tell our secrets then, expecting -or praying as some people might disguise the word- salvation, rescue or mutual interest. Most of the times it works, people would then say that some good does exist in this world, forgetting all in all the true reason why it worked from the start which is basically; that the other party is also ill; expecting the rescued, salvaged or loved person to reciprocate the attention (S)he gave them. But that's also OK! Our mothers should be thanked for this achievement! Creating the real illusion of absolute goodness, strong enough to save one's life or bring him into the heavens of warm love!
It gets ugly only when the other party fails to give to his illusion of goodness. And don't be indignantly surprised when I tell you that it happens quite very often; almost with a fifty-fifty prevalence.
Selfishness blocks illusions' path. Selfishness tell him that no body stood for him when he needed aid, that no one understood her when she most needed, that no one loved him when he was showering them with his affections and favors and that no one ever cared to side with her when she was all alone facing different hardships: One way or the other, Vengeance - as the denied, other party would call it - or Self-preservation as we call it - We, then, being the ones refusing to love, rescue, interfere...etc- has to win.
It's like time, wholly random yet somehow completely predictable: A balance-scale with two weighing pans weighing different goods against masses with, yet again, fifty-fifty odds of each pan to outweigh the other or a two-sided coin being flopped in the air. The outcome isn't so hard to guess, it's either yes or no, me or the world, Selfishness or goodness, angel or demon and so on!
This eternal problem was never solved, and will never!
You see, the full half of the cup is so sweet it is almost addicting -in a good way- and as for the empty half? Well, people recover, move on, forgive and forget. "Time heals all" we say, once more rather wrongfully; for time just passes and only our human nature - Our "Humanity", destiny and curse - is flexible and deals with it - or at least the majority of us do.
Still, recovery-time isn't always the same and I happen to have found out that wounds caused merely by our high expectations of somebody tend to take longer time to heal. And it all means that the key to solving our misery is inside our souls, that we know exactly the exit from our humanly cage!
A choice looms on the horizon then? .... (Beethoven's fifth symphony's first movement playing in the background... tatatatatataaaaa!)
No, not really!
Letting go of your expectations isn't a course-of-action I would advise: the alternative, the outcome, is too bad a spectacle! True! a man without expectations is almost immune to being hurt, invulnerable, but nonetheless a cold being, a man with no emotions not to mention, a failure in most of cases; you can't expect to be the only person allowed to actually kick the ball in a basket-ball game and not stand all alone in the game! Once inside the playground, you have to play with its rules or face penalties and be kicked out. And no, the prospect that they become painless -since you are immune to pain anyway- doesn't make it any better.
Perhaps we can just lower our expectations from everybody so as not to be greatly hurt but all in all live with this weakness untouched? Yes, I think I just got the nag of it!
Humanity isn't perfect! so what? it's all we get when we are born, a software full of flaws and weaknesses but hey! cheer up! mother nature isn't Apple inc or Google, it's smarter! With a built in, automatic Flexibility Tm engine, the copy corrects itself of itself, clears and rebuilds torn down sections and even delete the heavy history directory every now and then.
LOL... Happy Valentine's day, everybody! Just remember, lower your expectations, starting from today's gift you can't wait to get and so forth.
And you'll do just fine.