hungry!

[rameena]

I completely forgot to mention Ramadan. Its weird, because im 26 and ive been fasting since I was 8. Its not easy, and its not fun, but it is...in an odd way...slightly soothing. There's a connection, and a sense of spirituality in knowing that around the world, millions of muslims are doing exactly what youre doing. There are bad parts. When i'm tired and desperately need an energy fix, or i'm totally dehyrdated, I can't do anything about it. Well, thats not fair. The point is, I WON'T do anything about it. I have to trust that my will power will get me through it. And there are definitely times when I really want to say, fuck this. (heh, i should not be swearing during this month) so, fudge it. I'm gonna eat a darn bagel cuz im about to fall over and i still have 4 more hours to go before im off work. And its entirely my decision. there's no one judging me. No one will know if i cheat. No one keeps track of my fasting but me. And Allah, i suppose. And it especially sucks at this job cuz everyone eats CONSTANTLY and people are always shoving food in my face, asking if i want some. YES! I do! But i wont. Heh, another bad part is that I am gaining weight like crazy. I need to stop breaking my fast with frickin fast food. But when the cravings kick in around 630pm, it is impossible to convince yourself that yes, you really want that salad. all youre thinking is..hamburger! pizza! wingstop!
I just have to remember....when i get through this, there'll be EID. YAY!