Archive 'fic: Eyes Closed (IchiRuki theme 28, silence)

[ramblinprose]

The epic (though it and I certainly didn't know it yet) continues.


Rukia has a run of luck after leaving the clinic. She manages to slip past Isshin, who is engrossed in reading something, and doesn't meet up with Yuzu on her way to their room to get clothes. She finds a towel, conveniently drapes it around her neck, and goes back downstairs to take a bath. When she looks in the mirror, she's quite glad neither Kurosaki-san or Yuzu had seen her. It would've raised so many questions, ones she couldn't answer easily, and others she just...wouldn't.

That...experience...had not been an easy one. She has cuts in her palms from where her nails dug into her skin, and she can feel the bruises along her back and legs from fighting it. Not to mention the large red mark on her throat where its palm had sat, and the ugly, crimson bruise on the side of her neck. Most of all, though, she doesn't look right. It's as if the mirror has tiny flaws in it, and those edges disturb her reflection enough to not seem like her at all. It seems that she looks in the mirror, and someone not quite Kuchiki Rukia looks back at her.

She stops looking in the mirror after that.

Instead, she strips, rinses in the bath water, then bathes herself thoroughly. She does it very slowly, with great care, as if she were covered in a thick layer of filth that hurt to pull off. She soaps up every inch of herself until she practically glows with foam. She washes her hair twice. She rinses for a long time before getting in the bath, as if needing to strip off every inch of that now-contaminated soap. When she steps into the bath, the water is still achingly hot, and that warmth feels so sweet to her bones.

She soaks in silence, keeping as much of herself underwater as she can, letting her body absorb every bit of warmth possible. She's not known for taking long baths in this world, because who knew when Ichigo need her help? But now, she lets the time stretch. The room is quiet, cozy, and no one would disturb her. No one could disturb her, here.

Eventually, though, she has to get out, which means she has to finish healing herself. She sits up in bath and raises her palms, letting the energy collect in her hands, watching the tranquil green slide up her palms and sheen her fingers, right to the tips. When even her nails glow with energy, she closes her eyes and guides it towards her wounds. She feels the itch of healing skin on her palms, a tingle at the front of her throat, and a sort of icy warmth across her back. She holds the healing in place as long as she can, then stands up and steps out of the bath. The steamy air of the room is cool on her skin, and stepping into it, she feels much more like herself.

Unable to help it, she checks the mirror.

Everything looks fine, better than before. Her eyes seem brighter, her mouth not quite as thin, and there is a hint of color in her cheeks.

Until she realizes that the bruise on the side of her neck hasn't gone away. It has healed a little--the color has darkened from crimson to purple--but it still remains, an ugly smear on the side of her neck. If she stares at it long enough, it begins to look like...

She shakes off that thought, turns away from the mirror. She's covering Ichigo's area tonight due to his illness, and she should head out soon. Orihime wouldn't mind if she dropped in for a bit, just to check on her. She could update her on Ichigo's condition, after all. And her healing...didn't work like a shinigami's. Her own hadn't worked because it'd been a bite directly from a Hollow, but Orihime's? It wouldn't stand a chance against that.

She dresses, wraps that towel around her neck again, and steps outside. She finds Yuzu and tells her that she can go check on Ichigo and Karin now. Then, she goes upstairs.

"I'm sorry, Kuchiki-san," Orihime says, eyes wide and expressive. "They can't seem to do anything about it."

"Isn't that odd, though?" Rukia replies, eyes swinging from Orihime to Matsumoto, who is crouched nearby.

The other woman shrugs. Rukia hadn't remembered that Matsumoto was still staying with Orihime, but it looks like this'll be a plus, not a minus. "Some Hollows can leave marks like that, ones that don't fade under healing. And we know that their wounds seem to scar more often than normal sword wounds. Something about the power that leaves the mark," she says. She cocks her head, eyes sliding over the wound again. "It looks an awful lot like a bite, though, Rukia. Let one get that close, huh?"

Rukia stares at her, then blusters, and much of her anger is real. Everytime she thought about it, she was furious, deeply furious, that it had gotten that close. That it had done what it had, and she hadn't been able to fight it off. That she hadn't been able to move...

Finally Matsumoto waves her off, grinning. "Whoa, whoa, Rukia! I get it. It happens," she says, but the grin doesn't reach her eyes. She pauses, then adds, "You know, we could always get the little captain to look at it."

"That's all right," Rukia replies, voice a little stiff.

"Urahara-san might be able to help, too," Orihime offers, voice a touch too soft.

"Ah, Orihime, worried about your healing not working?" Matsumoto said, giving the girl a pat on the head. "You shouldn't, you know, since we don't even know..."

Orihime sort of sparkles under Matsumoto's touch and prattle, but her eyes don't change. Rukia curses herself; has it been so long since she'd been around Orihime? How had she forgotten how smart that girl could be?

"He'd charge too much for it," she says, voice flat. "He's still threatening to make me pay for Ichigo's training as it is." Her eyes flick up, to see if Orihime's eyes had changed; they hadn't, really.

"Well, then," Matsumoto sighs, exchanging a glance with Orihime. "Bandage then? Or make-up?"

After a short discussion, Rukia lets them convince her to use make-up. She would've put a bandage on it already if it wouldn't raise questions in the Kurosaki household, but figures it's probably best to let the two of them talk her into it. It seems deceptively simple to apply, but she decides to get up early the next day anyways, just to be sure. The make-up she's worn before doesn't work like this.

Before she leaves, she cautions the both of them not to mention this to Kurosaki. "I'd never hear the end of it," she says, threading weariness, exasperation, and long-suffering into her voice, and touching it off with a little eye roll. Both of the women nod in understanding, and she leaves fairly sure that she has their confidence.

Then she returns home (sorta), goes up to her room, and lies in the dark, staring at the ceiling. She knows she has to sleep at some point, especially with school the next day, but it just doesn't come. In a way, she doesn't want it to come. For the first time she can remember, she's afraid of what waits in the darkness behind her eyes.

On top of that, there's this dumb urge to crawl back into Ichigo's closet. It makes no sense, but it surges through her at intervals, so strong she has to grit her teeth against it. Perhaps, she reasons, it's because in this room, in this bed, she's too exposed, too open. In his closet, his rather small closet, there would be three walls between her and the world, and she could get Kon to watch over the fourth. Possibly...

She shakes it off, rolls to the other side of the bed, and clutches a stuffed bunny, borrowed from Yuzu, to her chest. To be honest, she thinks, what I really want now is a cup of tea.

The moment she thinks of tea, it all flashes through her mind again. Quick, sharp cuts of action, like the cuts in her palms. All centering around a cup of tea before her, steamingly gently.

But I don't think I'll have any tonight, she adds to herself.

Or ever.

Maybe...ever is best.

Rukia eventually manages to get some sleep, though it's not very restful. To top it off, she has to get up early so she can get ready before the rest of the house. She wishes, briefly, that it were cold enough for her to wear a scarf. But it's only September--far too early for that.

So she applies the damn make-up, critically examining it at every phase to make sure it blends into the skin around it. When she's done, she's not entirely satisfied, but it'll have to do; Yuzu is up and about already, and Isshin is sure to follow.

Besides, looking at herself in the mirror only makes her feel more tired.

She's surprised to see Karin at breakfast, looking about as well as she feels. She's surprised again when the girl gives her a look that's not entirely friendly, but she shrugs it off. She and Karin have had an uneasy peace since she came to live in the house, though she's not entirely sure why. She ignores it, losing herself in the bustle of Yuzu and the morning cheerfulness of Kurosaki-san. She barely jumps when Yuzu comes up behind her to offer her tea, and she manages to refuse it rather easily.

She does not notice Karin's expression when she does so,

School is a burden as usual, and she barely manages to get through it today. She knows she could've skipped--other students seem to do it often enough--but where would she have gone? She couldn't have stayed in Ichigo's home, going to Urahara's is out of the question, and she doesn't know the city well enough to have another bolt hole picked out. It's already bad enough that Ichigo is gone, Ishida is gone, and Chad's just come back. So she suffers through the day, head hunched a little to hide her neck. She holds to her act, to her ways, even when other students start tittering around her. She's not entirely sure why--what's a hickey?--until Orihime pulls her aside during lunch.

"The make-up can rub off," the girl explains, voice apologetic.

"Ah," Rukia replies, as they head to the bathroom to reapply it. "So they think I have a hickey." Her fist tightens at her side. "Not that I know what that is."

"Oh, it's a..." Orihime starts, as they enter the bathroom. Then she turns and looks at Rukia again, and stops. "It's a...a...it's a..." She shakes her head, as if trying to shake something off.

"I'm sorry, Kuchiki-san," she says. "I don't really remember, myself."

Rukia stares at her, then touches her arm. "Are you all right, Inoue-san?" she asks, voice quiet.

Inoue stares back at her, and opens her mouth as if to say something. Then she stops, and looks down again, eyes closing tightly for a moment. If Rukia didn't know any better, she'd think the girl was fighting tears.

"Fine, Kuchiki-san," she replies, and there's a momentary flicker in her eyes. Then she brightens a little, and says, "Come on, let's get you fixed up."

After that bizarre incident, Rukia nearly does go home. But that, she decides, would be a form of defeat. The Kuchiki don't take well to defeat. So she stays, and endures.

When she arrives home (sorta), she expects to find no one around. After all, Isshin is usually in the clinic, and Karin and Yuzu don't get home until later. Ichigo...well, if Ichigo were let out of that room, he'd most likely be in his room, and out of her way for the moment. She's not entirely sure she can see him at this moment, when she feels like she's holding herself together with bits of string.

She comes into the house, and finds Karin sitting at the table. The girl raises her head, and Rukia instantly realizes: she's been waiting for me.

"Karin-chan!" she says, voice light. "What a surprise! Shouldn't you be at school?"

"Didn't feel well," the girl replies. "Came home early." She takes a sip of something, and eyes Rukia over the cup.

"Oh, that's too bad," Rukia simpers. "Can I get you anything?"

Karin sets down her cup, and looks at her. "Sure, Rukia-chan," Karin says, and the honorific comes out with ice on it. "How about...tea?"

Rukia is entirely unprepared for what happens next. Her eyes widen, her pulse speeds, her mouth dries. Her bag, halfway off her shoulder, falls off completely. Her hands shake. Breathing is suddenly hard, as if no matter how hard she breathes, she won't get enough air. Worst of all, though, is her sudden inability to move. Her body feels rooted to one spot, that one spot, as if it had suddenly become too heavy for her to lift.

Then, suddenly, Karin's hand is on her wrist. "Hey!" she yells. "Rukia!"

Oddly enough, that works. Rukia's breathing eases, and lightness returns to her body. She looks down at Karin, whose hand drops away from her wrist.

"Come on," the girl sighs. "We gotta talk."

At this point, Rukia would really like to just go upstairs, jump into Ichigo's closet, and never come out again except for Hollows. Hollows she can handle. The rest of this world, on the other hand...

Yet she follows Karin up the stairs. She expects them to go into their shared room, but instead the girl goes into Ichigo's room. She stops outside, but Karin sticks her head back out and says, "He's still sleeping downstairs. He always sleeps forever when he gets sick. Plus, I think Dad knocked him out, too."

Rukia pauses, then follows Karin inside.

The room looks as it always does, though Kon is decidely absent. Ichigo's "substitute" shinigami badge hangs off his bed, and Karin sits down next to it. Rukia, unsure, pulls out the chair in front of Ichigo's desk and sit there.

They're both quiet for a minute, and Rukia vaguely wonders what excuse she could use to sneak into the closet after this. Then Karin looks up and says, "What are you, Rukia?"

Rukia blinks. "Excuse me, Karin-chan?"

"You're like Ichigo, aren't you?" the girl says, and her eyes slide to the shinigami badge.

Rukia puts on her best sparkle. "Like...Ichigo? Karin-chan, whatever do you mean?" she says, then laughs lightly.

The girl reaches out, and her fingers hover over the badge. "Shinigami," she says.

Rukia blinks, then puts her hand behind her head and laughs lightly again. "You have some imagination, Karin-chan," she says brightly. "Shinigami? I'm not even sure what that is!"

Karin's shoulders hunch, and she says softly, harshly, "That's just what Ichi-nii said."

Then she grabs the shinigami badge and smacks it into Rukia.

Her soul slides out. Her body, free of life, slumps in the chair.

Karin stares at her, and her eyes are still narrow, face still tight. "I thought, if it worked on Ichi-nii, it would work on you," she says, hand gripping the badge's strap tightly. She brings it a little closer to her face, her eyes. "Would the same thing happen if it I did to myself?"

"No," Rukia says, with no hint of merriness or light in her voice. "It would only force your soul from your body."

Karin's eyes come up. "Your voice..."

"No need for that anymore, Karin," Rukia says, moving back to her body. "Wait a moment, please." She places her hands on her shoulders, and lets herself dissolve back into that body. A moment, and she opens her eyes again.

The bruise at her neck throbs painfully, and she winces against it. She wants to reach for it, press against it to try and ease the pain, but Karin is still watching her.

Instead, Rukia crosses her arms, and asks, "When did you figure it out?"

Karin hangs the shinigami badge back on the bed, then moves a little away from it. "I...I could see him. Ichigo. I've been able to, for awhile," she says. Some of the fire has gone out of her voice. "Then, after he came back from his vacation...he was acting a little strange. Like he was in pain." Her hands tighten on her lap. "I asked him about it. I told him, I'd met Kanonji while he was gone, and he'd told me about Hollows." Her head droops. "But he brushed me off, like you tried to."

Rukia lets out a low sigh. "He wants to protect you, Karin," she says. "In fact, that's why he became shinigami in the first place."

Karin looks up at her, and Rukia hesitates. If she tells her this, Ichigo is going to come down on her like a ton of bricks. On the other hand...Karin's always had the same abilities that Ichigo has, even though she's younger than him. If her power grew like Ichigo's, was anything like Ichigo's...then sheltering her would only harm her. Hollows had already targeted her before.

"Do you remember the accident, around the middle of May? A truck smashed into your house?"

Karin's eyes widen even more. "Y-yes."

"It wasn't an accident."

Slowly, Rukia lays out the history between her and Ichigo. How she had come hunting Hollows, and been pulled in by his spirit energy. How he had seen her, touched her, though no other human had been able to before. How she had explained it all to him, shinigami and Soul Society and Hollows. How the Hollow had come hunting the rest of them, and how she had tried to defend them. How he had gotten in her way, and she'd been forced to step between the Hollow and him. How badly that had injured her. How she had offered her powers to him, with the plan to only offer half, so he could save the rest of them.

"Except, he took them all," she says, shaking her head. That first night seems almost quaint now, with all that's gone on between them.

After that, she has no choice but to explain how she pressed Ichigo into becoming a substitute shinigami. How she had forced him to do her job, for awhile. How he'd become strangely good at it, and after awhile, wanted to keep doing it. She doesn't mention details, doesn't pinpoint the anniversary of his mother's death as the reason, but she has a feeling Karin understands.

"After two months, I still hadn't regained my powers," Rukia says. "Nor reported back to my superiors. They were bound to become suspicious. Then Ichigo...did something they couldn't help but notice."

"They came after you," Karin fills in, voice low.

"They did," Rukia says simply. Behind her eyes, her memory fills with pictures of that night, pictures that would haunt her in the days to come. Pictures she still occasionally saw in her dreams.

"Did...Ichi-nii...did he try to stop them?"

Rukia lowers he head. "Yes, he did," she says. "The idiot."

Karin's eyes widen again. "It...worked?"

"It didn't. They nearly killed him." Rukia's hands tighten on her lap. "I went back with them, to save his life." She wants to add, "and atone for my crime," but it doesn't seem right, just now.

Karin's quiet for a moment, then says, "He lived."

"Yes, he did."

"Then...he wouldn't stop there."

Rukia smiles slightly. "No, he didn't." She raises her head. "After some training, he came after me."

"And...this time..?"

"It worked," she replies. As much as she's willing to tell Karin this, she doesn't feel the need to elaborate on it. Let her bug her brother for that story. He knows more of it than she does, anyways.

"So you came back?"

"No, not until recently. That place...Soul Society...is my home," Rukia says.

"You're dead?"

"Bluntly, yes," Rukia says, then plucks at her sleeve. "This is a faux body, something I wear to be visible in this world."

"Oh." Karin lowers her head a little. "So...you weren't here when Ichi-nii came back."

"No."

"So you couldn't tell me...why he was in so much pain."

Rukia sighs, and Karin's head jerks up. "You can?" she says.

"Karin..." Rukia shakes her head. "What I've told you, I can tell you with confidence, since it is my story as well. But that's Ichigo's story, Ichigo's pain. I wouldn't feel right, explaining it to you." I hope that works, Ichigo, she adds to herself.

Karin is still for a moment, then she suddenly moves closer to Rukia. "Does it have anything to do with yesterday?" she asks, voice low. Her hand licks out, and swipes at the make-up on Rukia's neck; it smears under her fingers, and the bruise appears again, vivid against the pallor around it. "Does it have anything to do with how you got this?"

"Karin..." Rukia says, eyes wide, voice surprised.

Karin moves back, gives her a weak smile. She smears the make-up between her fingers as she says, "I wasn't as asleep as you thought. I always have trouble sleeping when I'm sick. And I felt something, when you sat down next to him." Her faces creases, in an almost worried way. "At first, it was just...energy. Like the energy I occasionally feel around Ichi-nii. Then it changed." Her eyes close slightly. "Only for a moment, it changed. But it felt like...something bad. Almost like...a Hollow." Her eyes open wide again, and she dusts her hand off. "But that couldn't be, right? Because Ichigo doesn't..."

Rukia looks down, hands gripping at her dress. She doesn't want to have this reaction, show this reaction to Karin, But after yesterday, after not sleeping, after being shocked with this...she can't help it. The strings holding her together have been fraying all throughout this talk, and she can't pull it together to say nothing at this point.

Karin grabs her shoulders. "That's not possible!" she shouts. "Ichi-nii can't have...Ichi-nii can't be..." She shakes her head rapidly, and cries out, "How could that be?"

"I'm sorry, Karin," Rukia says, voice quiet. "I don't know how it happened, but it did." She tries to raise her head, but she can't. "He has a Hollow inside him." Unable to help it, her hand drifts up to touch the bruise on her neck.

Karin stares at her, then suddenly her grip tightens. "It's your fault, isn't it? Somehow, when he went after you...it's your fault! You did this to him! You did!"

Now, oddly enough, Rukia can raise her head. "Yes, Karin. I did," she says, voice low and flat.

Karin stares at her.

"I didn't ask him to save me," she says, and her hand slides from her neck to touch Karin's, where it still grips her shoulder. "But ultimately, I am responsible." She lets out a breath. "So yes, it's because of me that that's inside of him. And I..."

Karin's hands slide off her shoulders, and she steps back. Her face holds worry and shock for a moment, then it changes, tightens, into a much stronger look.

"How can you say that so easily?" she asks.

Now it's Rukia's turn to stare at her, mouth dropping slightly.

Karin looks down. "Ichigo...I don't think he'd think of it that way." Her head comes up again, and her eyes are fierce. "I don't think he'd want to hear you say that, at all."

Rukia shakes her head. "He probably wouldn't," she says. "But Karin...your brother is an idiot. So he'd say..."

"...it was his decision," Karin puts in.

"And I should stop..."

"...worrying," Karin finishes.

Rukia can't help but smile, just a little. "But even so, I..."

"You know," Karin interrupts, "you're right. Ichi-nii...he's an idiot."

The girl stops for a moment, as if struggling with something. Then she meets Rukia's eyes fully and says, "But sometimes...he's right."

And she smiles, just a little, at Rukia.

At which point, understanding dawns on Rukia. She lowers her head a little, a similar small smile on her face, and says, "Aa." To herself, she thinks, This family...sometimes...

Karin moves, sits back down on the bed across from her. She leans forward on her knees, and peers at Rukia. "So that bruise..." she says. "What does it have to do with Ichigo's...with the thing inside Ichigo?"

Rukia almost touches it again, but stops herself. "Yesterday, when I went in to heal Ichigo...I met it."

Karin inhales sharply, and Rukia continues, "Somehow, it drew me into his inner world. It said it wanted to meet me, for some reason. We...we fought." Her voice drops. "It bit me, there."

"It...bit you?" Karin says, wonderingly.

Rukia nods. "Like all Hollows, it wanted to eat my soul," she says, as if that explains it all. "And it nearly...it almost..." She stops, her hands clenching her dress again, eyes looking away from Karin's.

"Rukia," Karin says, voice a little shocked.

Rukia pushes through the rising anxiety, and grits out, "It didn't. It was stopped, before it could. But I can't...heal this bruise. I can't seem to make it go away." Now she reaches up, and covers it with her hand. "No one can, and I don't know why..."

"Could Ichigo?" Karin asks.

Rukia's head comes up, eyes flashing. "No," she says, voice sharp. "He couldn't, he can't heal." She slumps a little, and her voice drops. "And he can't know, either."

"Rukia..."

Rukia shakes her head, and meets Karin's eyes. Her voice, when she speaks, comes out almost as a plea. "You know your brother, Karin. What would he think if I told him this? What would he do?" She shakes her head again. "No. This is my problem, and I'll deal with it."

There's quiet between them for a moment, then Karin says, "No."

"What?!"

"No," Karin repeats, then smiles a little. "I'll help you."

"What..? Karin, how?"

"You've been trying to cover it up, haven't you?" Karin says, and Rukia nods. "Well, that worked for today, but it's not gonna continue to work. Especially if you and Ichi-nii...do shinigami stuff. Because it shows up there, too. And it looks worse."

Rukia winces a little at that.

"But...if we can come up with a story...like, you hurt yourself somehow in the house...then we can treat it like an injury. Put ice on it, put a bandage over it. Then, at least, no one'll wonder how you got it." Karin grimaces a little. " 'Cause honestly? It looks like a hickey."

"People kept saying that at school," Rukia admits. "Though I don't know what one of those is."

Karin puts her hand behind her head, and somewhat sheepishly, tells her.

Rukia's eyes go wide. "People let that happen to them? Voluntarily?" she says.

"Some people," Karin says.

Rukia lets out a uncomprehending sigh. "Humans," she says.

"Yeah, no kidding," Karin replies, and Rukia gives her such a look that it makes her laugh. "What?"

"You're human, Karin," Rukia says.

"But smarter," Karin replies, proudly pointing a finger at herself.

"Well...that may be true," Rukia admits.

"It is," Karin says simply, then stands up. "Come on," she says. "Let's go see to that nasty thing on your neck that you got from running into a doorframe."

"A doorframe?" Rukia says, standing as well. "Surely there's a better explanation than that."

"Burned yourself in the kitchen?"

"How, by putting my neck to the stove?"

"I've seen you in the kitchen..."

"Karin!"

So they talk, all the way down the stairs and into the clinic.

So they never notice when, a moment later, Kon opens Ichigo's closet.

"Nee-san," he whispers. "Nee-san..."

4720 words


It amuses me to look at this post and see the following:

'Fic I need to find themes for: The Isshin-Karin follow-up toHOLLOW 'fic, the Ichigo follow-up to the same 'fic (I kinda want to keep with a black theme, so it's possible one will be "on the wings of ravens" and the other will be "black paper cranes." Or "morning moon rising," because I am a symbolism h0r. Or "conversations in the dark!" THAT would work nicely for the first 'fic, followed by "black papercranes.")

I thought this was only going to be three stories. I really, really did.

As Bill Simmons would say, "Always remember: I'm a moron."