Now all your love is wasted, then who the hell was I?
It has been almost two months since I last wrote and life is pretty much the same, except I am now in Maine. It's weird that it's June 1st and in a month I'll be heading back down to school to start co-op. I'm super nervous about it. But being nervous is nothing new to me. I constantly live in a state of anxiety now about everything. Work, family, friends, school. Answering the phone, driving at night, getting a new phone, visiting boston, going out to dinner, literally everything someone could be stressed about I am. I have no idea when this all happened and I wish it would stop. No one understands and they think I'm being dramatic and ridiculous because I can't go through a drive-thru. It's not as if I want to feel like this all of the time. I want to be normal again. The girls suggested seeing a therapist but that stresses me out too, of course. I don't know what I would do there, I feel like I wouldn't be able to talk about anything (I can't talk about things with a lot of my close friends, how am I supposed to talk to a stranger?) and that I would just cry all of the time.
I really wish I knew why I am like this. I just would like to be like everyone else who can ask for help from an employee or a professor without having a nervous breakdown. I can normally hide it or play it off so a lot of people don't realize how bad it's gotten. But it's alright, I'd rather not them know I'm slowly going crazy.
This is so stupid.
Anyways. I stopped using my planner since all I do is work and sleep but that also means I stopped writing what I do which means I don't remember what I've done since I've been home. I went to Boston this past weekend. I stayed with India and Joanie and met India's new puppy Olive. She is the cutesttt. I got to see a lot of people I hadn't seen in a long time so that made me happy.
I changed my birth control so it is cheaper now. But I am definitely noticing differences. I am way more emotional than I used to be. I get angrier & sadder more easily. As if I didn't get sad enough. Oh and my eye bump is coming back, not cool.
I hope I like co-op and I hope I will have fun in Boston for the summer and I hope I do not get sad ever again and I hope everything will work out alright.
I really wish I knew why I am like this. I just would like to be like everyone else who can ask for help from an employee or a professor without having a nervous breakdown. I can normally hide it or play it off so a lot of people don't realize how bad it's gotten. But it's alright, I'd rather not them know I'm slowly going crazy.
This is so stupid.
Anyways. I stopped using my planner since all I do is work and sleep but that also means I stopped writing what I do which means I don't remember what I've done since I've been home. I went to Boston this past weekend. I stayed with India and Joanie and met India's new puppy Olive. She is the cutesttt. I got to see a lot of people I hadn't seen in a long time so that made me happy.
I changed my birth control so it is cheaper now. But I am definitely noticing differences. I am way more emotional than I used to be. I get angrier & sadder more easily. As if I didn't get sad enough. Oh and my eye bump is coming back, not cool.
I hope I like co-op and I hope I will have fun in Boston for the summer and I hope I do not get sad ever again and I hope everything will work out alright.