My Life is a series of Contradictions...........
I'm feeling a bit down at the moment - nothing to do with me and John - we're still blissfully happy :) (when we're together!) but anyway that's not the main problem - it's work.
I had my yearly apprasial yesterday -
I was dreading it, because in the past few months - my mind has not been on the job. I hate it there, even though they pay me very well and the job (now that I've changed jobs) isn't hard at all - it just leaves me hollow. The horrible thing is - I can honestly still see myself here in 5 years and that is so depressing. :(
So anyway - I went into the apprasial feeling like crap and knowing they were going to use me to wipe up spills on the floor (so feeling V bad!) so I sit down and my manager and the company director looked at me and nobody spoke for a moment. It was the longest moment in history (or it felt like it to me) then my manager cleared her throat and began to speak.
"Don't look so scared Niky, this isn't a negative thing. We're not here to bash you and send you away crying your eyes out." So I relaxed a little. Basically my apprasial went as follows.....
* I am very good at my job, when I concentrate - but lately my concentration has waned! (You Think!?!? LOL!)
* I am professional, good team player, valued member of staff.
* I am letting myself down because I'm not reaching my full potential.
* I am excellent in a crisis and can deal with irate customers very well - but the rest of the time they feel like my mind is elsewhere.
(I had to laugh at this one - because most of the time it is elsewhere! Since I moved across the office to the managers pod I've not been able to write because they don't like me doing it while I'm supposed to be working! Fair Dues! But I find my mind wandering and writing stories etc...and I can't retain the stories and do my job at the same time - but telling me to stop writing would be like telling me to go and stand in the corner and hold my breath until I turned blue and passed out!)
So I've come to the conclusion that I need to find another job - perhaps one where I can work from home so it gives me plenty of time for a creative outlet. Finding one of those is like finding rocking horse shit - so Meh! Niky is trapped in the corporate hell that is IKON Office Solutions UK.
On a good point though - the medications that the Gynaecologist recently prescribed are the SHIT!!!!! I had my first period in 3 years (wasn't pleasant - but I got through it!) and then my second started a few days ago - exactly 28 days after my last one :) - this might not sound like a monumental thing to you - but it is to me. It gives me hope for the future - perhaps there will be children after all?
I had my yearly apprasial yesterday -
I was dreading it, because in the past few months - my mind has not been on the job. I hate it there, even though they pay me very well and the job (now that I've changed jobs) isn't hard at all - it just leaves me hollow. The horrible thing is - I can honestly still see myself here in 5 years and that is so depressing. :(
So anyway - I went into the apprasial feeling like crap and knowing they were going to use me to wipe up spills on the floor (so feeling V bad!) so I sit down and my manager and the company director looked at me and nobody spoke for a moment. It was the longest moment in history (or it felt like it to me) then my manager cleared her throat and began to speak.
"Don't look so scared Niky, this isn't a negative thing. We're not here to bash you and send you away crying your eyes out." So I relaxed a little. Basically my apprasial went as follows.....
* I am very good at my job, when I concentrate - but lately my concentration has waned! (You Think!?!? LOL!)
* I am professional, good team player, valued member of staff.
* I am letting myself down because I'm not reaching my full potential.
* I am excellent in a crisis and can deal with irate customers very well - but the rest of the time they feel like my mind is elsewhere.
(I had to laugh at this one - because most of the time it is elsewhere! Since I moved across the office to the managers pod I've not been able to write because they don't like me doing it while I'm supposed to be working! Fair Dues! But I find my mind wandering and writing stories etc...and I can't retain the stories and do my job at the same time - but telling me to stop writing would be like telling me to go and stand in the corner and hold my breath until I turned blue and passed out!)
So I've come to the conclusion that I need to find another job - perhaps one where I can work from home so it gives me plenty of time for a creative outlet. Finding one of those is like finding rocking horse shit - so Meh! Niky is trapped in the corporate hell that is IKON Office Solutions UK.
On a good point though - the medications that the Gynaecologist recently prescribed are the SHIT!!!!! I had my first period in 3 years (wasn't pleasant - but I got through it!) and then my second started a few days ago - exactly 28 days after my last one :) - this might not sound like a monumental thing to you - but it is to me. It gives me hope for the future - perhaps there will be children after all?