My Mom, The Survivor.
Today at 8:30 am CST my Mom started her radiation treatment. My Mom is on her way to being a breast cancer survivor. But really she's always been a survivor. She's the youngest of 4 children, born almost 6 years after her next youngest brother. She was not a suprise, she was planned. She grew up a little spoiled, blonde haired, blue eyed, fair skinned in a family who showed their indian blood. Her sister was the oldest with two brothers in between. Mom didn't excel at school in fact I think she barely made it out. Now, we know she's dyslexic. They didn't have words for that in 60s and 70s.
At 17 she got married, pregnant and married she did finish high school. She went into preterm labor. Shannon Marie was born and lived for 3 days before passing on. She was too early and too little to be saved in 1978 and probably still today. After Mom got out of the hospital her husband dumped her on her parents door step and disappeared. He didn't show for the funeral and signed divorce papers without ever going to court.
She met my dad in 1979. He was 10 1/2 years older and had been in the navy. He was a wild guy. He told us growing up that he won my Mom in a pool game. Dad had a snooker table growing up and is quite the pool shark. Best advice don't play pool with him, unless you like losing. Dad was playing pool against the guy Mom was with and the guy lost. He left the bar in a huff and my mom in a lurch. Dad took her home and they began dating. Seven months later, my Grandfather, Mom's Dad, died. My parents were planning to marry already and had already set the date for a week after my grandfather passed. They chose not to postpone the wedding in light of Grandpa passing. Grandma said he wouldn't have wanted that. So Mom and Dad were married and 9 1/2 months later they had a baby. My older brother. Dad was thrilled before leaving the navy he was told he would never father children. My brother and I are 14 months apart in age. My mother was 22. My dad 32. Once I was born he settled down some. He stopped traveling for his job and was home every night. Mom was at home with us until I went to school full time. I can tell you my childhood is full of memories of parties, kegs, beer cans, barbeques, ciggarettes. and lots of people. At 24 my mother was diagnosed with Cervical cancer. She had a hysterecotomy and chemo. Dad says she lost her hair. I don't remember.
My parents have never had the easiest marriage. I can remember my mom packing up all her clothes in trash bags and getting ready to leave. They'd fought the night before about the dishwasher. I remember laying in my bed, which had a clear view of the kitchen. I didn't just get to hear the fight I had a visual of it as well. While Mom was packing I drew her a picture and wrote I'll miss you mommy on it. She sat on the bed stunned. I don't think she ever thought we wouldn't want to go with her. My brother and I wanted to stay with Daddy. I don't remember if she left or not but I do know, I didn't go with her. Once when I was sixteen I got brave and asked my mom why she married my dad. Her answer was "It seemed like a good idea at the time." I'll never forget that answer as long as I live. My best friend was sitting there and she still remembers it too. This lesson was never ask a question you don't want the answer to. Dad loves Mom. I mean truly and deeply, he would give her anything she asked. She stays because there are no better options, I think.
She left once in 2002, right after my Dad's Dad passed away. I don't even think Grandpa had been gone 30 days. Cleaned out the house, stopped answering her phone, and left a stack of bills a foot high sitting on the counter. She hadn't paid any bills except the rent in the last 8 months. I also found out some of the bills were in my name because she had let the bills run up in her name and Dad's name and they couldn't get them turned back on without paying a huge bill. I wasn't even living at home then. I was living with my first husband, we'd just gotten engaged. It turns out Mom had been cheating with a white trash superhero. Yeah swell, also she'd been drugging pretty good. By the time I married my first husband in 2003 Mom and Dad were back together. We as a family have never talked about it. I do know quite a number of details about my parents that a child shouldn't know about their parents. My dad used to talk to me for hours upon hours. Mom wasn't the only person to blame for their split. My dad had done wrong too. He'd neglected mom in a way and she was looking for attention. White trash superhero gave her that attention. I live with the philosophy that I can't hate my mother, she's the only one I've got. But I can hate her actions. I've forgiven her as best I can and tried to let it go.
She's got this bond with my son. They connect. I'm a little jealous, because she's had that connection with my brother and my son. Me I feel like the outsider. But she's being a grandma and a mom. She tries. That's the best I can ask for. I'm trying. I'm letting go of old hurts and trying to forge ahead.
Today after finding a lump in August she's in radiation. They found the lump when she had her mammogram. They did a second one and were going to do a third when they decided to just biopsy the masses they saw. The doctors had to us an ultrasound to do the biopsy because they couldn't see the lump any other way. It came back a week later. CANCER. We all kind of flipped out. Mom and Dad have a great Primary Care Doctor and she pulled everyone back down to earth and scheduled surgery. They removed a golfball size portion of her breast. The surgeon was hopeful. They took some pictures about a week after the surgery and had her follow up with a radiologist. That doctor ordered more pictures and then we had to wait two weeks while they came up with a plan. Mom goes to radiation once a day for 10 minutes a day. They say the reason that the wait was so long was that the tumor was so small, they'd caught it so early they just weren't sure where to put the radiation. The radiologist is explained it to Dad like this. Cancer tumors grow little hairs to spread, with Mom they don't believe there are any little hairs to treat. Because they figure Mom's tumor started growing in May and she had her mammogram in August.
At 17 she got married, pregnant and married she did finish high school. She went into preterm labor. Shannon Marie was born and lived for 3 days before passing on. She was too early and too little to be saved in 1978 and probably still today. After Mom got out of the hospital her husband dumped her on her parents door step and disappeared. He didn't show for the funeral and signed divorce papers without ever going to court.
She met my dad in 1979. He was 10 1/2 years older and had been in the navy. He was a wild guy. He told us growing up that he won my Mom in a pool game. Dad had a snooker table growing up and is quite the pool shark. Best advice don't play pool with him, unless you like losing. Dad was playing pool against the guy Mom was with and the guy lost. He left the bar in a huff and my mom in a lurch. Dad took her home and they began dating. Seven months later, my Grandfather, Mom's Dad, died. My parents were planning to marry already and had already set the date for a week after my grandfather passed. They chose not to postpone the wedding in light of Grandpa passing. Grandma said he wouldn't have wanted that. So Mom and Dad were married and 9 1/2 months later they had a baby. My older brother. Dad was thrilled before leaving the navy he was told he would never father children. My brother and I are 14 months apart in age. My mother was 22. My dad 32. Once I was born he settled down some. He stopped traveling for his job and was home every night. Mom was at home with us until I went to school full time. I can tell you my childhood is full of memories of parties, kegs, beer cans, barbeques, ciggarettes. and lots of people. At 24 my mother was diagnosed with Cervical cancer. She had a hysterecotomy and chemo. Dad says she lost her hair. I don't remember.
My parents have never had the easiest marriage. I can remember my mom packing up all her clothes in trash bags and getting ready to leave. They'd fought the night before about the dishwasher. I remember laying in my bed, which had a clear view of the kitchen. I didn't just get to hear the fight I had a visual of it as well. While Mom was packing I drew her a picture and wrote I'll miss you mommy on it. She sat on the bed stunned. I don't think she ever thought we wouldn't want to go with her. My brother and I wanted to stay with Daddy. I don't remember if she left or not but I do know, I didn't go with her. Once when I was sixteen I got brave and asked my mom why she married my dad. Her answer was "It seemed like a good idea at the time." I'll never forget that answer as long as I live. My best friend was sitting there and she still remembers it too. This lesson was never ask a question you don't want the answer to. Dad loves Mom. I mean truly and deeply, he would give her anything she asked. She stays because there are no better options, I think.
She left once in 2002, right after my Dad's Dad passed away. I don't even think Grandpa had been gone 30 days. Cleaned out the house, stopped answering her phone, and left a stack of bills a foot high sitting on the counter. She hadn't paid any bills except the rent in the last 8 months. I also found out some of the bills were in my name because she had let the bills run up in her name and Dad's name and they couldn't get them turned back on without paying a huge bill. I wasn't even living at home then. I was living with my first husband, we'd just gotten engaged. It turns out Mom had been cheating with a white trash superhero. Yeah swell, also she'd been drugging pretty good. By the time I married my first husband in 2003 Mom and Dad were back together. We as a family have never talked about it. I do know quite a number of details about my parents that a child shouldn't know about their parents. My dad used to talk to me for hours upon hours. Mom wasn't the only person to blame for their split. My dad had done wrong too. He'd neglected mom in a way and she was looking for attention. White trash superhero gave her that attention. I live with the philosophy that I can't hate my mother, she's the only one I've got. But I can hate her actions. I've forgiven her as best I can and tried to let it go.
She's got this bond with my son. They connect. I'm a little jealous, because she's had that connection with my brother and my son. Me I feel like the outsider. But she's being a grandma and a mom. She tries. That's the best I can ask for. I'm trying. I'm letting go of old hurts and trying to forge ahead.
Today after finding a lump in August she's in radiation. They found the lump when she had her mammogram. They did a second one and were going to do a third when they decided to just biopsy the masses they saw. The doctors had to us an ultrasound to do the biopsy because they couldn't see the lump any other way. It came back a week later. CANCER. We all kind of flipped out. Mom and Dad have a great Primary Care Doctor and she pulled everyone back down to earth and scheduled surgery. They removed a golfball size portion of her breast. The surgeon was hopeful. They took some pictures about a week after the surgery and had her follow up with a radiologist. That doctor ordered more pictures and then we had to wait two weeks while they came up with a plan. Mom goes to radiation once a day for 10 minutes a day. They say the reason that the wait was so long was that the tumor was so small, they'd caught it so early they just weren't sure where to put the radiation. The radiologist is explained it to Dad like this. Cancer tumors grow little hairs to spread, with Mom they don't believe there are any little hairs to treat. Because they figure Mom's tumor started growing in May and she had her mammogram in August.