(no subject)
I bought NiGHTS: Journey to Dreams today for $8 at Best Buy. You must understand, I used to own a SEGA Saturn. I played the demo for NiGHTS (which I will capitalize incorrectly for the rest of this article) over and over again. Then SEGA sent me the Christmas Disc. I literally wore it out. The heat from the Saturn was enough to, after many hours of playing the same levels over and over, the disc actually warped. So when I heard there was a version for the Wii, I was excited. Then I read the reviews, and I was not excited. Then it was available dirt effing cheap, so I was re-excited. I played for about 2 hours tonight, whipping through a lot of the boy's storyline, and one thing I have to say is that this is pretty much the game I left behind so many years ago. It's fun, exciting, and beautiful. The story is timeless and inventive. Blahblahimmersiveblahsurrealblahblahvisualsblah. Everything you read about this game is true. That's the unfortunate part.
The game opens with a long cut scene introducing NiGHTopia, NiGHTS, your character, and a helpful British owl. All British owls are helpful and wise, and current research suggests that all owls are, in fact, British. So far we've only proven this for owls with glasses or pocketwatches. There is some research to indicate that owls with capes are actually French, but this comes from the less-than-credible Centre Européen pour la Recherche d'Arrogance de Hibou (CERAH, the European Center for Owl Arrogance Research). It is common knowledge that CERAH was involved in a number of scandals, including one that proposed that British owls were homosexual, with both the capability and tendency to copulate with themselves and their mothers most vigorously. Her Only Majesty's Owl Scientists, a British group, exposed fundamental flaws in CERAH's research techniques, and counterpublished a paper suggesting that CERAH researchers regularly engage in analingus with people who have Crohn's disease.
Re-read the above paragraph. See how it went nowhere, and took a fairly indirect route getting there? How I started with some information you need, but instead took you on a rambling journey through information you don't need and probably don't want? Imagine sitting through about ten of those. These are the cutscenes in NiGHTS. You start the game watching a long video that shows you arriving in dream land. This is, of course, not skippable. Then you walk about ten steps, picking up blue orbs, until you arrive at an owl. Then, another 5 minute cut scene, again, unskippable. Then you walk over to your little flying clown friend, about 6 steps, then another goddamned unskippable cutscene. I understand that the game is very surreal, very visual. It has really cool shit to show you. I also believe that video games can be art. But if you want to make art in a video game format, make an arty video game. If you want to make a movie, just fire the programmers and make a damned movie. That way, I can put it on when I'm ready to sit for 2 hours and not interact with anything, and I won't be disappointed.
As far as the gameplay, once you get to it it's great. Fast, surprising, with a simple but nifty combo system and a few missions that don't stray too far from what made the game great. The controls are a little wonky, but improve greatly if you decide to use the gamecube or classic controller, and allow for a free cigarette hand if you insist on using the nunchuk. This is a plus in my book.
Rather than a scoring system, I will rate this game using a metaphor. It's your senior year in high school, and you are head over heels in love with the most beautiful girl in the world. Because this is fiction, she loves you just as much as you love her. You connect. You have the same hopes and dreams, you understand each other on an incredibly intimate level, you're interested in the same things, you're perfect for each other. You spend the summer after graduation in what may be the perfect relationship, just thoroughly enjoying each others' company. You make love a few times, first in the awkward way that teenagers do, but eventually with a skill and sensitivity that makes it almost a religious experience. You both decide to go to Penn State together, but she gets a full scholarship to Edinburgh University in Scotland. This is an offer she can't refuse, and in order to keep things as painless as possible, you decide that when she leaves, you two will just cut off all communication. Six years go by, you're finishing up grad school on the west coast and looking at a lucrative career, when she calls you up. She's in town again. Permanently. She has a six figure job lined up, and wants to see if the spark is still there. It is, of course, and burns even brighter now that you've both played the field, and each of you realizes that no one will ever compare to the other. As her way of remembering you, she has also become a rabid fan of your favorite sports team, and has developed a taste for real, dark beer while in Europe. You meet up, it goes swimmingly, you get back to her place and in your head you're already picking out a ring, only to find out that while she was in Europe, her genitals were destroyed in a horrific car accident. Still the person you love, but so much is missing. So much isn't quite right.
Or I could just skip the fucking cut scene and give the game a B-.
The game opens with a long cut scene introducing NiGHTopia, NiGHTS, your character, and a helpful British owl. All British owls are helpful and wise, and current research suggests that all owls are, in fact, British. So far we've only proven this for owls with glasses or pocketwatches. There is some research to indicate that owls with capes are actually French, but this comes from the less-than-credible Centre Européen pour la Recherche d'Arrogance de Hibou (CERAH, the European Center for Owl Arrogance Research). It is common knowledge that CERAH was involved in a number of scandals, including one that proposed that British owls were homosexual, with both the capability and tendency to copulate with themselves and their mothers most vigorously. Her Only Majesty's Owl Scientists, a British group, exposed fundamental flaws in CERAH's research techniques, and counterpublished a paper suggesting that CERAH researchers regularly engage in analingus with people who have Crohn's disease.
Re-read the above paragraph. See how it went nowhere, and took a fairly indirect route getting there? How I started with some information you need, but instead took you on a rambling journey through information you don't need and probably don't want? Imagine sitting through about ten of those. These are the cutscenes in NiGHTS. You start the game watching a long video that shows you arriving in dream land. This is, of course, not skippable. Then you walk about ten steps, picking up blue orbs, until you arrive at an owl. Then, another 5 minute cut scene, again, unskippable. Then you walk over to your little flying clown friend, about 6 steps, then another goddamned unskippable cutscene. I understand that the game is very surreal, very visual. It has really cool shit to show you. I also believe that video games can be art. But if you want to make art in a video game format, make an arty video game. If you want to make a movie, just fire the programmers and make a damned movie. That way, I can put it on when I'm ready to sit for 2 hours and not interact with anything, and I won't be disappointed.
As far as the gameplay, once you get to it it's great. Fast, surprising, with a simple but nifty combo system and a few missions that don't stray too far from what made the game great. The controls are a little wonky, but improve greatly if you decide to use the gamecube or classic controller, and allow for a free cigarette hand if you insist on using the nunchuk. This is a plus in my book.
Rather than a scoring system, I will rate this game using a metaphor. It's your senior year in high school, and you are head over heels in love with the most beautiful girl in the world. Because this is fiction, she loves you just as much as you love her. You connect. You have the same hopes and dreams, you understand each other on an incredibly intimate level, you're interested in the same things, you're perfect for each other. You spend the summer after graduation in what may be the perfect relationship, just thoroughly enjoying each others' company. You make love a few times, first in the awkward way that teenagers do, but eventually with a skill and sensitivity that makes it almost a religious experience. You both decide to go to Penn State together, but she gets a full scholarship to Edinburgh University in Scotland. This is an offer she can't refuse, and in order to keep things as painless as possible, you decide that when she leaves, you two will just cut off all communication. Six years go by, you're finishing up grad school on the west coast and looking at a lucrative career, when she calls you up. She's in town again. Permanently. She has a six figure job lined up, and wants to see if the spark is still there. It is, of course, and burns even brighter now that you've both played the field, and each of you realizes that no one will ever compare to the other. As her way of remembering you, she has also become a rabid fan of your favorite sports team, and has developed a taste for real, dark beer while in Europe. You meet up, it goes swimmingly, you get back to her place and in your head you're already picking out a ring, only to find out that while she was in Europe, her genitals were destroyed in a horrific car accident. Still the person you love, but so much is missing. So much isn't quite right.
Or I could just skip the fucking cut scene and give the game a B-.