(no subject)
Sometimes I instruct myself harshly to stop coming online so fervently and aimlessly. Perhaps restrict my online activities (doesn't include porn, you dirty bastards). Like now. Like now being fucking upset with the news I get. Like now being fucking upset with the news I get that is all the fucking time because everything is announced and travels pretty damn fast in cyberkillerspace. And because you know what, you are fucking everywhere in my life (not to mention fucking everything in it). I can say I'm just going to log onto to schedule Skype conversations with people who make me meaninglessly happy that will only form a futile memory in retrospect, and maybe reply emails from people I don't even like. Oh, I don't know if I can do that.
I'm fucking scared about everything, the future, my eyesight, my lungs, my retirement. Security means absolutely everything to me only because I know it's a fucking shit notion (this must be the quote of my 2010 year I think). 2010 has been the most fucked up ever, I don't even wonder why I'm not even thinking of offing myself. (Probably because nothing should surprise me anymore). In an ideal world, I'll never have to deal with transitory things that I can't accept as transient.
Yeah fuck, so maybe it is the inevitable injustice and unfairness of life, and the inevitable anger that rolls my way. And that won't dissipate. It hasn't. It will never. There is no such thing as sucking it up, or moving on, because that assumes a linear progression. Everything floats in space like cyber trash, and good and bad things smash you up randomly.
That's why I didn't want to come back. Outside, everything - gold and shit - is suspended in a different space. I'd keep travelling and feeling lonely, but I'll be reminded less of why things have ended up this way.
I'm fucking scared about everything, the future, my eyesight, my lungs, my retirement. Security means absolutely everything to me only because I know it's a fucking shit notion (this must be the quote of my 2010 year I think). 2010 has been the most fucked up ever, I don't even wonder why I'm not even thinking of offing myself. (Probably because nothing should surprise me anymore). In an ideal world, I'll never have to deal with transitory things that I can't accept as transient.
Yeah fuck, so maybe it is the inevitable injustice and unfairness of life, and the inevitable anger that rolls my way. And that won't dissipate. It hasn't. It will never. There is no such thing as sucking it up, or moving on, because that assumes a linear progression. Everything floats in space like cyber trash, and good and bad things smash you up randomly.
That's why I didn't want to come back. Outside, everything - gold and shit - is suspended in a different space. I'd keep travelling and feeling lonely, but I'll be reminded less of why things have ended up this way.