If i see you start to leave, please wait up for me
How simple that phrase is, yet how profound at the same time. who knew that could be all someone needs? waiting up...just like that..or leave a light on...its a simple task, yet it breaths hope,without being any kind of promise...i loove it.
since i have accomplished so much today, i will now put some of my writing on here as a way of backing up.Even reading it now, over the last couple months my emotional journey has been so incredible....and My computer is a complete turd and shust down constantly and i cant take the chance of losing these insights, and you never know if your bag couold get stolen with a precious journal inside. Plus, i know its safe to post here because only one person reads it anyway:) and i like him knowing my thoughts i realized, then theres less talking to do when we could be laughing...and theres not much better than that. Laughing, learning, loving, cuddling...no more talking...and i know he'd agree:)
anyway...
The verbal diareeha begins!
__________________________________
My skin would so invite you
to touch
i crave your lips, inch to inch
help me find my way back to your shoulders
feed my empty appetite
Its time to awake my body now
________________________________________________________________________
If you knew this hurts, a nagging drip down my spine
my legs numb, cannot move tonite
Watch me shiver, give me novacaine with your eyes
Find me warmth within your arms
Dont let me down this time,
shake me up
.....wake me up
______________________________________________________________
She calls me to check in
its just how she is
She asks how my heart is healing
"oh, im fine"
I lie to her.
Feels like ive died a little,
though how can i put that into bubbly word im expected to say?
_______________________________________________________________________
I am the strongest woman you kow, and i know it scares you.
I conquer it all with small fists and a mind of steel, all while my emotions dance on white pages of
this notebook,
heartfelt
and
beautiful.
_____________________________________________________________________________
I would pull every strand of hair from your head,
partly for my own amusement and mostly to know if you ever feel pain, even physical
Your having the time of your life, and i, am on empty, filled up by only gasoline and loooking for a match
light me up
__________________________________________________________________________
I still cannot believe what was,
wasnt.
How can i fathom that what was to come,
isnt.
_________________________________________________________________________
*Serindipity*
___________________________________________
My skin tingles,
I allowed myself to be seduced by grander gestures than my beloved.
Years in and outm u sat waiting fir his throat to blossom songs if gratitude of my selflessness and kisses of fortune.
I beared myself slightly to a man with no face, no eyes, no time.
Simply with arms to hold and lips to run my fingers along.
i only wanted you.
Though you'll never come, my denial has become as lucid as dreams
my foolishness has withered,
my skin in tangles.
_________________________________________________________________________
Will he remember meeting me? it was dark in there...
shit, he is just as cute as i remembered. how did i forget that?
(phone rings)
yes, he did remeber, and fondly. An hour conversation and promise of plans, and im off to bed where there is sand.
_________________________________________________________________________
"You have soul, you have class, you have style, but your badass"
___________________________________________________________________________
1,2,3, i think your losing me.
___________________________________________________________________
youve been wounded before, and i find this so relieving...you apprecite the smaller things.
you say you love how i was the same speed even in the rain,
that my lips are perfect enough to be a painting,
that my laughter is contagious,
my wisdom moves you,
and all i ever wanted was the one i love to keep his eyes on me as i got changed at night before we slept.
____________________________________________________________________________
Am i ready to excuse my curves?
let someone draw circles on my skin at half past 2am?
undres for a stranger, and cling to the freedom ive been bestowed, and feel it all the way?
If i have to constantly ask this question, than the anwser is blatant.
I love to be the girl who doesnt give it up...Go ahead and wonder...you'll never know how i feel wrapped around your body, you;ll never know if i have a hidden birthmark, you'll never kiss anywhere but my lips...thats only for love...because without love, your just getting off..and getting used.
_____________________________________________________________________________
I can hear the wavesm our music in my ears,
sweet piano
anyway,
I sit here, same wall,
different girl,
anyway,
who knew id be here alone again,
hadnt seen it coming,
hadnt tried to
anyway.
______________________________________________________________
*promise*
_________________________________________________________
waves get a chance to break and start again...just like me.
just like us?
___________________________________________________________
Queen moves me.
I have writers block.
_________________________________________________
the clouds are parting now,
cant help but wonder what that means...
Sometimesi want a new love,
new mind,
new body,
new freedom,
next in line, new love?
I cant help but like him more than i should.
It could just be his pretty face, blond hair, tall and lean.
_________________________________________________
My thoughts are skipping around like pepples in a wave wake.
My ipods in shuffle which means my brain is on shuffle too...
Lannen fall just came on...
His voice is beautiful, maybe i should tell him again, in case he forgot
He can sing like an angel in high, waiting to pass frightened souls upward
No elequent words coud describe its nature...
"Her eyes are the world when they focus in on you"
Where did he go?
When did his innocent love vanish too?
I just always thougt it would be me and him...and pumpkins, christmas trees, little kittens, blankets with holes, singing in the car, cookies, chinese in bed, movies, bed jumping,christmas music, fall leaves, best friends, partners...
so strange how things can change from one thing to the nest before youve had a chance to change your clothes....I know what we could have done different, but i could have never satisfied his sweet tooth for drunken hookups and catty friends, no matter how many times i baked him brownies. I lost him, and it truly was effortless.
I suppose the positive is that if we get back, we'll really know we chose eachother, unlike before when fate chose us and we just made a mess of it...
but, theres always a but...how could i want him back without thinking he was just bored with the rest and im the fallback?
I dont deserve to be the fallback, afterall, he was always my number 1.I only ever asked to be number 2.
____________________________________________________________________________________
You deserve a medal.
______________________________________________________________
I want to be like that girl in killer queen,
unnatainable, invincible,
a wonder to men
yet, im cutesy, cuddly, and pink
though...
i kiss like a rockstar.
_____________________________________________________________
I cannot believe that i havent written in a week...crazy.
and i also cant belive i somehow ended up at this airport.
Ive always been so in touch with myself..so aware of my emotions...especially now...
But knowing i will see your face in 20 minutes leaves me numb. Maybe i am getting over you as i though...
i suppose ill know when my eyes meet yours.
______________________________________________________________
if i could veiw myself in a mirror, erase my blue eyes, and replace them with hues of brown and gold,
would i see myself in you?
____________________________________________________________________
You say,
we belong
in tijme we'll embrace our fate
a couple of years you said
a couple of minutes i replied in haste
Maybe we'll meet somewhere in the middle of the chaos that is our youth.
_______________________________________________________________________________
im young, oh so enticing im told
I breath,
bubble breaths
i taste,
like salt water taffy
come hither.
___________________________
So selfish in my writing...
"I I I"
every sentance starts the same
i even bore myself
so self indulgent
hey, just like you.
___________________________________________________
Your face has rounded like a little gingerbread man,
you plump when hot.
_______________________________________
Im so in love with this moment
in the airport, so free.
_____________________________________
theres something so sensual about airports.
Explosive emotions traveling
in
and
out
a loss, a gain...some too busy for words, just
run
run
run
Makes me want to grab you by the arm and pull you into a closed bathroom
have you rip off off my clothes, while i breath heavily on your neck.
____________________________________________________
Ive been so crazy and youthful lately
it feels amaing, yet i wonder if ill tire from it, as i see it as neveitable
Ive taunted and teased, and learned just how dangerous i can be,
i had forgotten what it felt like to be wanted,
without having to ask to be touched
15 pounds lighter and free of man
wondering
when i exaust my tounge, will you be there when im done?
_________________________________________________
i bet you never realized, just how resiliant i was
___________________________________________________
I couldnt help but zero in on your underwear...
whats hiding in there, isnt mine,probably was somebody elses, but i want it.
Before, i had no idea how well our bodies fit together,and not just in a sexual sense, though this writing seems so sexually charged, its partly a metaphor.
Even in sleep we dance the same tango, and in loving, we move in sync and rythm.
So now, we will not talk of what our hearts say, or what it means when our bodies speak..we simply live and breath as we go and the puzzle may or may not get completed, but the beauty is in trying to find all the right peices.
If you have to ask what it "means" then your not in deep enough because the anwsers are in the eyes, the kindnes, the warmth.
As long as we dont ignore or stop acting on how we feel, and be free to do that without any big "talks" about it:) we will be what we are meant to.
Maybe someday the circle will close and it will be me and you again..
and maybe it wont. but we both hope for the same ending, even if our journeys are slightly different. As long as our paths merge here and there, we'll be ok. and if they eventually go seperate ways despite what we hope then...thats fate.
Its not a label, that makes it all ok..its love. If our loves fades, then so be it..but as long as its here and its feeling as good as it does, i wont shake it. ive done enough of that, and so has he.
I always thought real love had to be this fairy tale..that never had breaks, or fights, or pauses, or mistakes. But those fairy tales are written by humans that have made mistakes, and have had heartache, and are trying to create a perfect world where these pains and defeats dont exist. These things are what make us stronger. Especially in this situation. We are far better to eachother now than before. You hold things more tightly when there is no pressure, when there is a true chance you'll lose someone, you then...hold tight. We are young, and theres no doubt we are foolish, but thats what youth is all about...and we are doing the best we can, and its pretty damn good if you ask me.
Love is patient, flexible, and if its lasting...it will always be there.
"Let it be"
and when we do that we really are, the best, non couple.
since i have accomplished so much today, i will now put some of my writing on here as a way of backing up.Even reading it now, over the last couple months my emotional journey has been so incredible....and My computer is a complete turd and shust down constantly and i cant take the chance of losing these insights, and you never know if your bag couold get stolen with a precious journal inside. Plus, i know its safe to post here because only one person reads it anyway:) and i like him knowing my thoughts i realized, then theres less talking to do when we could be laughing...and theres not much better than that. Laughing, learning, loving, cuddling...no more talking...and i know he'd agree:)
anyway...
The verbal diareeha begins!
__________________________________
My skin would so invite you
to touch
i crave your lips, inch to inch
help me find my way back to your shoulders
feed my empty appetite
Its time to awake my body now
________________________________________________________________________
If you knew this hurts, a nagging drip down my spine
my legs numb, cannot move tonite
Watch me shiver, give me novacaine with your eyes
Find me warmth within your arms
Dont let me down this time,
shake me up
.....wake me up
______________________________________________________________
She calls me to check in
its just how she is
She asks how my heart is healing
"oh, im fine"
I lie to her.
Feels like ive died a little,
though how can i put that into bubbly word im expected to say?
_______________________________________________________________________
I am the strongest woman you kow, and i know it scares you.
I conquer it all with small fists and a mind of steel, all while my emotions dance on white pages of
this notebook,
heartfelt
and
beautiful.
_____________________________________________________________________________
I would pull every strand of hair from your head,
partly for my own amusement and mostly to know if you ever feel pain, even physical
Your having the time of your life, and i, am on empty, filled up by only gasoline and loooking for a match
light me up
__________________________________________________________________________
I still cannot believe what was,
wasnt.
How can i fathom that what was to come,
isnt.
_________________________________________________________________________
*Serindipity*
___________________________________________
My skin tingles,
I allowed myself to be seduced by grander gestures than my beloved.
Years in and outm u sat waiting fir his throat to blossom songs if gratitude of my selflessness and kisses of fortune.
I beared myself slightly to a man with no face, no eyes, no time.
Simply with arms to hold and lips to run my fingers along.
i only wanted you.
Though you'll never come, my denial has become as lucid as dreams
my foolishness has withered,
my skin in tangles.
_________________________________________________________________________
Will he remember meeting me? it was dark in there...
shit, he is just as cute as i remembered. how did i forget that?
(phone rings)
yes, he did remeber, and fondly. An hour conversation and promise of plans, and im off to bed where there is sand.
_________________________________________________________________________
"You have soul, you have class, you have style, but your badass"
___________________________________________________________________________
1,2,3, i think your losing me.
___________________________________________________________________
youve been wounded before, and i find this so relieving...you apprecite the smaller things.
you say you love how i was the same speed even in the rain,
that my lips are perfect enough to be a painting,
that my laughter is contagious,
my wisdom moves you,
and all i ever wanted was the one i love to keep his eyes on me as i got changed at night before we slept.
____________________________________________________________________________
Am i ready to excuse my curves?
let someone draw circles on my skin at half past 2am?
undres for a stranger, and cling to the freedom ive been bestowed, and feel it all the way?
If i have to constantly ask this question, than the anwser is blatant.
I love to be the girl who doesnt give it up...Go ahead and wonder...you'll never know how i feel wrapped around your body, you;ll never know if i have a hidden birthmark, you'll never kiss anywhere but my lips...thats only for love...because without love, your just getting off..and getting used.
_____________________________________________________________________________
I can hear the wavesm our music in my ears,
sweet piano
anyway,
I sit here, same wall,
different girl,
anyway,
who knew id be here alone again,
hadnt seen it coming,
hadnt tried to
anyway.
______________________________________________________________
*promise*
_________________________________________________________
waves get a chance to break and start again...just like me.
just like us?
___________________________________________________________
Queen moves me.
I have writers block.
_________________________________________________
the clouds are parting now,
cant help but wonder what that means...
Sometimesi want a new love,
new mind,
new body,
new freedom,
next in line, new love?
I cant help but like him more than i should.
It could just be his pretty face, blond hair, tall and lean.
_________________________________________________
My thoughts are skipping around like pepples in a wave wake.
My ipods in shuffle which means my brain is on shuffle too...
Lannen fall just came on...
His voice is beautiful, maybe i should tell him again, in case he forgot
He can sing like an angel in high, waiting to pass frightened souls upward
No elequent words coud describe its nature...
"Her eyes are the world when they focus in on you"
Where did he go?
When did his innocent love vanish too?
I just always thougt it would be me and him...and pumpkins, christmas trees, little kittens, blankets with holes, singing in the car, cookies, chinese in bed, movies, bed jumping,christmas music, fall leaves, best friends, partners...
so strange how things can change from one thing to the nest before youve had a chance to change your clothes....I know what we could have done different, but i could have never satisfied his sweet tooth for drunken hookups and catty friends, no matter how many times i baked him brownies. I lost him, and it truly was effortless.
I suppose the positive is that if we get back, we'll really know we chose eachother, unlike before when fate chose us and we just made a mess of it...
but, theres always a but...how could i want him back without thinking he was just bored with the rest and im the fallback?
I dont deserve to be the fallback, afterall, he was always my number 1.I only ever asked to be number 2.
____________________________________________________________________________________
You deserve a medal.
______________________________________________________________
I want to be like that girl in killer queen,
unnatainable, invincible,
a wonder to men
yet, im cutesy, cuddly, and pink
though...
i kiss like a rockstar.
_____________________________________________________________
I cannot believe that i havent written in a week...crazy.
and i also cant belive i somehow ended up at this airport.
Ive always been so in touch with myself..so aware of my emotions...especially now...
But knowing i will see your face in 20 minutes leaves me numb. Maybe i am getting over you as i though...
i suppose ill know when my eyes meet yours.
______________________________________________________________
if i could veiw myself in a mirror, erase my blue eyes, and replace them with hues of brown and gold,
would i see myself in you?
____________________________________________________________________
You say,
we belong
in tijme we'll embrace our fate
a couple of years you said
a couple of minutes i replied in haste
Maybe we'll meet somewhere in the middle of the chaos that is our youth.
_______________________________________________________________________________
im young, oh so enticing im told
I breath,
bubble breaths
i taste,
like salt water taffy
come hither.
___________________________
So selfish in my writing...
"I I I"
every sentance starts the same
i even bore myself
so self indulgent
hey, just like you.
___________________________________________________
Your face has rounded like a little gingerbread man,
you plump when hot.
_______________________________________
Im so in love with this moment
in the airport, so free.
_____________________________________
theres something so sensual about airports.
Explosive emotions traveling
in
and
out
a loss, a gain...some too busy for words, just
run
run
run
Makes me want to grab you by the arm and pull you into a closed bathroom
have you rip off off my clothes, while i breath heavily on your neck.
____________________________________________________
Ive been so crazy and youthful lately
it feels amaing, yet i wonder if ill tire from it, as i see it as neveitable
Ive taunted and teased, and learned just how dangerous i can be,
i had forgotten what it felt like to be wanted,
without having to ask to be touched
15 pounds lighter and free of man
wondering
when i exaust my tounge, will you be there when im done?
_________________________________________________
i bet you never realized, just how resiliant i was
___________________________________________________
I couldnt help but zero in on your underwear...
whats hiding in there, isnt mine,probably was somebody elses, but i want it.
Before, i had no idea how well our bodies fit together,and not just in a sexual sense, though this writing seems so sexually charged, its partly a metaphor.
Even in sleep we dance the same tango, and in loving, we move in sync and rythm.
So now, we will not talk of what our hearts say, or what it means when our bodies speak..we simply live and breath as we go and the puzzle may or may not get completed, but the beauty is in trying to find all the right peices.
If you have to ask what it "means" then your not in deep enough because the anwsers are in the eyes, the kindnes, the warmth.
As long as we dont ignore or stop acting on how we feel, and be free to do that without any big "talks" about it:) we will be what we are meant to.
Maybe someday the circle will close and it will be me and you again..
and maybe it wont. but we both hope for the same ending, even if our journeys are slightly different. As long as our paths merge here and there, we'll be ok. and if they eventually go seperate ways despite what we hope then...thats fate.
Its not a label, that makes it all ok..its love. If our loves fades, then so be it..but as long as its here and its feeling as good as it does, i wont shake it. ive done enough of that, and so has he.
I always thought real love had to be this fairy tale..that never had breaks, or fights, or pauses, or mistakes. But those fairy tales are written by humans that have made mistakes, and have had heartache, and are trying to create a perfect world where these pains and defeats dont exist. These things are what make us stronger. Especially in this situation. We are far better to eachother now than before. You hold things more tightly when there is no pressure, when there is a true chance you'll lose someone, you then...hold tight. We are young, and theres no doubt we are foolish, but thats what youth is all about...and we are doing the best we can, and its pretty damn good if you ask me.
Love is patient, flexible, and if its lasting...it will always be there.
"Let it be"
and when we do that we really are, the best, non couple.