Solitude brings such strange mental manifestations
Sooooooo, where are we? Another day at home, didnt' do anything really other than try to work on that History essay due soon. Its going really slowly but ah well. It'll get done. I went with Jeremy to like kill time basically. It wasnt that bad, I was most surprised to see that he is still afraid of his spark gun (that gun thing that you light your stove with.) weird stuff. Ah I am not too happy today at all, to say the least. I am waiting........waiting for that call, or msg that will tell me that all is well again..... I fear it is not coming for a few more days yet, which is no good, you know because it means a few more days of staying at home, doing very little, trying to study, this is bad, because it gives me waaaaaay to much time to dwell on things and be introspective which usually goes bad. Why oh why is it that everytime I like, think about things a lot they always get worse and worse inside my own head, instead of better and better? Is it just me or does this happen to everyone? Nevertheless, I have been way to introspective today and its getting colder.... I remember Sian was really annoyed when someone was complaining that life is hard, I can understand her annoyance I mean, I don't really see the point of going into a chatroom saying "Life is hard" obviously that person was after a little attention. But life is hard, for eveyone, and I don't mean the subjective "MY life is hard", but life itself, the act of being alive, that isn't easy, thats why people get so angry when their loved ones suicide, they are disappointed at them giving up so easily and opting for the easy way out. Dying is easy, but living sure can be a challenge. What does this have to do with anything at all? I have no idea, it was just something that occured to me just then. I really really really (X infinity) hope that certain people who are annoyed at me get over it soon, because worrying about life is a waste of life. This means that right now I am wasting my life. Because I am worrying about it. But then, arguably half the things we do are a waste of life. What I am doing right this second you could argue is a waste of life. The question is, who defines what "waste" is? Who is to say what is a good use of ones life and what isn't? Its a debatable point for sure. Wait worry waste, wait worry waste, wait worry waste. Fucken hell, if you listen to Radiohead for long enough I reakon it can bring you down no matter what, I seriously think that cd could depress anyone. Just put the fucker on repeat and watch the tears flow.... And there isnt much like Sunk Loto to totally change that mood. So. What happens now? I guess I will wait and wait and wait and maybe the tension will be broken and maybe it won't be.... I really hope it will be though, because there is no point whatsoever to two people who would (and do) otherwise love each other be at odds with one another. Who is right who is wrong? Technically, both and neither. Arguments such as these are so subjective that both are right. Which leads to absolute stalemates. I mean, it soon becomes apparant that such things are worthless and indeed the biggest wastes of life, because they are so damn pointless. What is the answer? The answer is that I really really hope this ends very very soon. Although reality tells me it probably won't. Reality kicks me in the teeth with these things every single damn time.......