work is pretty crazy right now, but that really has nothing to do with what i've written here at all
still.
-(to my former statements)
-what a crock of shit.
it's not understandable.
are they flying by?
i don't even have ANY time, and yet i do...
[to think about you, and yet i do.]
i do. i would. i ...........oh motherfuckit.
..oddly enough, lol, your mother fucked it.
that really pisses me off, honestly, to this day.
altho- i would, by the way, apologize to her....
for anything, ever, always-whatever you said.
if it meant....
i would do whatever you said, to keep peace.
i'd never let her matter again, as much as you.
that's the problem; that's what i did.
i don't even remember what it was about.
...i just know it was her. i'm sure she probably remembers.
i wish you wanted to.
...but that is what I was trying to do before.
and look where it has gotten me so far.
i've been such a bitch lately. ...i think every part of me needs you.
it has nothing to do with money.
did i say that before, last time? i meant to.
i cannot lie, as if money never has anything to do with anything.....
we know, of course, that it does. but i just worry that you'd think
that was all i wanted out of you. and i still, really,
just about couldn't care less at all.
i worry about me, in the long run. my sanity.
i'm not sure it will be in tact, by the time i hit 40.
i'm not sure i have any idea how to keep it together.
but i think you....you might be the trick. you might know the trick.
i love(d).... i love(no d.)..... i love you.
..........it's a thought process, an evaluation of truth, as i let that out each time.
since you came up again, i've said it twice to loryn i think.
we haven't really had much time to talk about it. and now i've said it twice here.
this, again, isn't talking with anyone-- including of course, you.
but i.....i don't know if i will.
i suppose i know at this point that i should.
i've just never had any balls at the right times..and often too much at the wrong ones.
i don't know why.
i don't know what this is.
sometimes we don't plan things, or see them coming, or even have a clue that they've occurred until after the fact.
i didn't mean to make this happen. but i think i did.
it wasn't your fault. and if you don't reciprocate whatsoever, you're in the clear.
i can't shake the feeling that you reciprocate, at least a little.
i haven't even talked to you. i should be beyond this grade school infatuation.
can i let you go?
i miss you.
.....i miss you.
in fact, i miss something we never even had.. just something that we both wanted so badly.
something that we knew somehow we both felt the same way about, but
i guess life got in the way - ?
i keep wondering if it could ever get out of the way for us.
i never loved anyone like you -not even close.
and i get sick over the likelihood that you probably think i thought nothing of us,
that i've had all these experiences since that could've made it seem somehow light in perspective.
i assure you that you were the heavy. no pun intended. you've been my only substantial
breech of soul.
-(to my former statements)
-what a crock of shit.
it's not understandable.
are they flying by?
i don't even have ANY time, and yet i do...
[to think about you, and yet i do.]
i do. i would. i ...........oh motherfuckit.
..oddly enough, lol, your mother fucked it.
that really pisses me off, honestly, to this day.
altho- i would, by the way, apologize to her....
for anything, ever, always-whatever you said.
if it meant....
i would do whatever you said, to keep peace.
i'd never let her matter again, as much as you.
that's the problem; that's what i did.
i don't even remember what it was about.
...i just know it was her. i'm sure she probably remembers.
i wish you wanted to.
...but that is what I was trying to do before.
and look where it has gotten me so far.
i've been such a bitch lately. ...i think every part of me needs you.
it has nothing to do with money.
did i say that before, last time? i meant to.
i cannot lie, as if money never has anything to do with anything.....
we know, of course, that it does. but i just worry that you'd think
that was all i wanted out of you. and i still, really,
just about couldn't care less at all.
i worry about me, in the long run. my sanity.
i'm not sure it will be in tact, by the time i hit 40.
i'm not sure i have any idea how to keep it together.
but i think you....you might be the trick. you might know the trick.
i love(d).... i love(no d.)..... i love you.
..........it's a thought process, an evaluation of truth, as i let that out each time.
since you came up again, i've said it twice to loryn i think.
we haven't really had much time to talk about it. and now i've said it twice here.
this, again, isn't talking with anyone-- including of course, you.
but i.....i don't know if i will.
i suppose i know at this point that i should.
i've just never had any balls at the right times..and often too much at the wrong ones.
i don't know why.
i don't know what this is.
sometimes we don't plan things, or see them coming, or even have a clue that they've occurred until after the fact.
i didn't mean to make this happen. but i think i did.
it wasn't your fault. and if you don't reciprocate whatsoever, you're in the clear.
i can't shake the feeling that you reciprocate, at least a little.
i haven't even talked to you. i should be beyond this grade school infatuation.
can i let you go?
i miss you.
.....i miss you.
in fact, i miss something we never even had.. just something that we both wanted so badly.
something that we knew somehow we both felt the same way about, but
i guess life got in the way - ?
i keep wondering if it could ever get out of the way for us.
i never loved anyone like you -not even close.
and i get sick over the likelihood that you probably think i thought nothing of us,
that i've had all these experiences since that could've made it seem somehow light in perspective.
i assure you that you were the heavy. no pun intended. you've been my only substantial
breech of soul.