How do I think?
Hot Off the Wire:
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later
discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a
flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide
rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft
said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra
movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math
instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,", Ashcroft said. "They desire
average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on
tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like
"x" and "y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined
they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with
coordinates in every country.
"As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3
sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said,
"If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He
would have given us more fingers and toes.
"I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that
it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to
disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict
plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding:
"Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our
point, and draw the line."
President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction
have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene
never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin
to factor-in random facts of vertex."
Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would
say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though
they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the
hypotenuse tightens around their necks."
That was an email to me. I loved it!
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later
discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a
flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide
rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft
said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra
movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math
instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,", Ashcroft said. "They desire
average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on
tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like
"x" and "y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined
they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with
coordinates in every country.
"As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3
sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said,
"If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He
would have given us more fingers and toes.
"I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that
it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to
disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict
plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding:
"Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our
point, and draw the line."
President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction
have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene
never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin
to factor-in random facts of vertex."
Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would
say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though
they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the
hypotenuse tightens around their necks."
That was an email to me. I loved it!