Sorry...
..about the way I ended yesterday's post re: the bit about always complaining and not wanting to make it a private entry.
That was mostly a sort of stressed/guilt sourced comment because it's me that gets tired of seeming to always complain about things and not have enough positive things to say here. I almost feel stressed about posting today for that reason and because I realized that I NEED this place to vent and complain which conversely causes more pressure about keeping up with posts here, a counter-productive thing.
But I think I really do need this venting to get all the worst thoughts out of my head, the worst fears and interpretations of things and such because keeping them in my head just makes me fit to burst at the seams. I stopped posting here because I was on the day shift and it was just a lot harder to find time between the myriad tasks that pop up on that shift where as my evening shifts tend to be fairly quiet. And when I got home, I was either occupied cleaning or just felt too restless to settle to it or got mentally scattered with distractions. Sometimes I just didn't want to focus on anything in particular. It was during this time that I started to feel a lot more frustrated and pent up and irritable for no particular reason. This coinciding with the dropped posts for the past three weeks and even before that seems like it could mean that this journal where I whine and vent and rant is the catharsis I've come to need to stay sane. I may regret someday posting all this junk out where people can find and read it, especially if I actually get published or even (miraculously) famous. But for now I don't care about all that future trouble.
I still need to try and go in or call or chat with someone from Comcast to explain why my account reflects such an incredibly high due balance when my bill should only be $70 or so a month and I'm STILL pissed about them changing my account/forcing me to pay for a new starter kit and everything when the only thing they told me was to expect a $50 charge for setting things back up when we moved. It's also infuriating because I want net and cable but I can't have both with any other company in the region it seems and I don't want dish. I've never run into the dick-ish behavior people told me about before, always just had things set up and then it went smoothly from then on so long as I paid on time and even when I didn't, it wasn't some huge debacle to deal with. Just...so much rage and stress around this lately, I just want it to settle the hell down and let me pay the bill I expect to get and get the services that money pays for. It's really not an unreasonable request.
I had a whole other post the other week or something I changed my mind about but didn't want to post yesterday when it popped back up, but had still hoped to use as a reference today but it disappeared. Whatever, it was a bunch of rage/frustration based drivel anyway.
Love my mom but nothing, NOTHING, is ever simple or easy with her. There's always something to be upset about, something she needs money for, something she's got to stress on and when there isn't, she's driving me nuts because either she or someone she knows all know SOMETHING about EVERYTHING. There's very little she either doesn't know or have an opinion about, and doesn't take well to contradictions/corrections of said facts or opinions as she has access to. Or there's the way it's impossible to decline or complain about anything she gets or does for us even if we don't want or need it and didn't ask for it because she acts like she's been rejected if you do.
Keep forgetting to call in early in the week for weekend shifts so don't get anything decent/that I'd want to work and still haven't gotten the paperwork compiled that I need to apply for a discount on the energy bill; which I need since the first bill was $157 and was used to like $40 at the apartment with the discount. Just not sure if should change the paper work since my mom got approved for SSDI payments, but says if she doesn't get her laptop to do/get access to something she'll probably lose them. And Mo still doesn't have a job despite the efforts going into the hunt. :( All the bills but the rest of the Comcast fuckery are all paid off at the moment, but that doesn't mean I'm in the red, just not in crisis about any of it yet.
Work changed the hours at work at last, just after I'd given up waiting to see if they would so that now I work 2pm-10pm and lose 2 1/2 hours of OT every week; it's nice to get home earlier but getting up earlier to go to work negates any added home time and still sucks to lose what amounts to about $150-200 a month. Means I should really be kicking myself harder for not working last weekend, but I really needed the time off so I'm trying not to worry about it.
Really hoping that things smooth out with the bills and rent and stuff soon because I thought things would be about the same as they were in the apartment, but so far it's been something of a clusterf*ck in terms of amounts and due dates and other stuff all piling on at the same time. Anyway, I think I had other things to go on about complaining but I can't remember them at the moment and I don't have enough time to think of them let alone type it up.
So I'll try to end this with some positive things such as that while I thought I was barely adequate and fumbled a fair bit while on the day shift, at least one of the tenant companies sent a note to the property management about what a good job they thought I did. ;-; It really made me happy to hear they thought so. Despite still needing to talk to Comcast and trying to not think about other issues, it's nice that everything that HAS to be paid on current bills, is paid. Trying new cat litter out and hoping it works better and tracks less than the other brands we've used. More sort of mixed news is that Mo has decided to make the move into being called 'Michael' with male pronouns again and talks about top surgery, but probably not bottom. It's positive because it's helping him feel more in tune as well as nearly every body taking it really well so far; granted none of those people have been his extended family but we might not bother telling them since it wouldn't go over well any better than being with a girl did. Mixed because it's confusing and tentative territory.
I suppose that's about it if I'm determined to end on a positive note. I thought there was other good stuff to cover, but it's not coming to mind presently. Toodles!
That was mostly a sort of stressed/guilt sourced comment because it's me that gets tired of seeming to always complain about things and not have enough positive things to say here. I almost feel stressed about posting today for that reason and because I realized that I NEED this place to vent and complain which conversely causes more pressure about keeping up with posts here, a counter-productive thing.
But I think I really do need this venting to get all the worst thoughts out of my head, the worst fears and interpretations of things and such because keeping them in my head just makes me fit to burst at the seams. I stopped posting here because I was on the day shift and it was just a lot harder to find time between the myriad tasks that pop up on that shift where as my evening shifts tend to be fairly quiet. And when I got home, I was either occupied cleaning or just felt too restless to settle to it or got mentally scattered with distractions. Sometimes I just didn't want to focus on anything in particular. It was during this time that I started to feel a lot more frustrated and pent up and irritable for no particular reason. This coinciding with the dropped posts for the past three weeks and even before that seems like it could mean that this journal where I whine and vent and rant is the catharsis I've come to need to stay sane. I may regret someday posting all this junk out where people can find and read it, especially if I actually get published or even (miraculously) famous. But for now I don't care about all that future trouble.
I still need to try and go in or call or chat with someone from Comcast to explain why my account reflects such an incredibly high due balance when my bill should only be $70 or so a month and I'm STILL pissed about them changing my account/forcing me to pay for a new starter kit and everything when the only thing they told me was to expect a $50 charge for setting things back up when we moved. It's also infuriating because I want net and cable but I can't have both with any other company in the region it seems and I don't want dish. I've never run into the dick-ish behavior people told me about before, always just had things set up and then it went smoothly from then on so long as I paid on time and even when I didn't, it wasn't some huge debacle to deal with. Just...so much rage and stress around this lately, I just want it to settle the hell down and let me pay the bill I expect to get and get the services that money pays for. It's really not an unreasonable request.
I had a whole other post the other week or something I changed my mind about but didn't want to post yesterday when it popped back up, but had still hoped to use as a reference today but it disappeared. Whatever, it was a bunch of rage/frustration based drivel anyway.
Love my mom but nothing, NOTHING, is ever simple or easy with her. There's always something to be upset about, something she needs money for, something she's got to stress on and when there isn't, she's driving me nuts because either she or someone she knows all know SOMETHING about EVERYTHING. There's very little she either doesn't know or have an opinion about, and doesn't take well to contradictions/corrections of said facts or opinions as she has access to. Or there's the way it's impossible to decline or complain about anything she gets or does for us even if we don't want or need it and didn't ask for it because she acts like she's been rejected if you do.
Keep forgetting to call in early in the week for weekend shifts so don't get anything decent/that I'd want to work and still haven't gotten the paperwork compiled that I need to apply for a discount on the energy bill; which I need since the first bill was $157 and was used to like $40 at the apartment with the discount. Just not sure if should change the paper work since my mom got approved for SSDI payments, but says if she doesn't get her laptop to do/get access to something she'll probably lose them. And Mo still doesn't have a job despite the efforts going into the hunt. :( All the bills but the rest of the Comcast fuckery are all paid off at the moment, but that doesn't mean I'm in the red, just not in crisis about any of it yet.
Work changed the hours at work at last, just after I'd given up waiting to see if they would so that now I work 2pm-10pm and lose 2 1/2 hours of OT every week; it's nice to get home earlier but getting up earlier to go to work negates any added home time and still sucks to lose what amounts to about $150-200 a month. Means I should really be kicking myself harder for not working last weekend, but I really needed the time off so I'm trying not to worry about it.
Really hoping that things smooth out with the bills and rent and stuff soon because I thought things would be about the same as they were in the apartment, but so far it's been something of a clusterf*ck in terms of amounts and due dates and other stuff all piling on at the same time. Anyway, I think I had other things to go on about complaining but I can't remember them at the moment and I don't have enough time to think of them let alone type it up.
So I'll try to end this with some positive things such as that while I thought I was barely adequate and fumbled a fair bit while on the day shift, at least one of the tenant companies sent a note to the property management about what a good job they thought I did. ;-; It really made me happy to hear they thought so. Despite still needing to talk to Comcast and trying to not think about other issues, it's nice that everything that HAS to be paid on current bills, is paid. Trying new cat litter out and hoping it works better and tracks less than the other brands we've used. More sort of mixed news is that Mo has decided to make the move into being called 'Michael' with male pronouns again and talks about top surgery, but probably not bottom. It's positive because it's helping him feel more in tune as well as nearly every body taking it really well so far; granted none of those people have been his extended family but we might not bother telling them since it wouldn't go over well any better than being with a girl did. Mixed because it's confusing and tentative territory.
I suppose that's about it if I'm determined to end on a positive note. I thought there was other good stuff to cover, but it's not coming to mind presently. Toodles!