[Fanfic] Cry with the rain
Title: Cry with the rain
Author: hikarinoniji
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Pairings: Ontae (past), Jongyu
Warning: Character death.
Summary: It had been the decision of a grown man to save what was most precious to him, yet Jinki couldn't help but blame himself for it.
A/N: I wrote this thing over a year ago and realized I never posted it.
Hadn't his eyes been so hollow, no one would have guessed there was something behind Lee Jinki's everlasting smile. Silently he sat beside the window, staring at the motions outside, not even sure himself what it was that he was staring at.
"Hyung?"
He looked up, his gaze meeting the always faithful eyes of his friend and fellow group-member, Jonghyun. Jinki blinked, a smile forming upon his lips. A silent, 'rest assured, don't worry, I'm fine.' But Jonghyun wasn't one to be fooled, nor was Jinki a very good liar.
Not caring about the fact that he was now invading the older male's private space, the smaller man wriggled himself into the same corner as his leader had done. Due the fact that they now had to share a relatively small amount of space and neither of them felt like falling off, Jinki was fast to grab the younger male by the waist, while Jonghyun merely held onto his arm.
Pressing his forehead against the cold glass the older of two continued to stare outside, where now raindrops started to fall from the dark starless sky. His eyes followed the the drops on their way down on his window, until they had reached their destination and formed a small puddle underneath it on the windowsill.
Slowly it started raining harder, as if the sky was crying. And Jinki cried with her. Soft sobs emerged from his lips, catching the attention of Jonghyun who had been so comfortable in his position that he had nearly forgotten why he was there in the first place.
"Hyung? You're crying..."
"No I'm not. It's the rain." Was the short, muffled answer.
"We're inside." His free hand carefully rubbed against the bare skin of his leader's arm, who in vain, tried to hide and dry the tears that streamed down his cheeks.
"It's okay hyung. You can cry, we all do."
Another muted sob, followed by irregular breathing that desperately tried to steady itself as the taller man shook his head, dark brown locks falling in front of his eyes. "I have no right to cry. It was my fault."
It was quiet next to him and Jinki thought he had silenced the other. He tried to scramble up his feet, to the escape the situation or rather, the confrontation that could lead to it. Behind him, he heard a soft but steady, "no hyung, it wasn't."
His head cocked back to Jonghyun who now stared at him with an emotion the light brown haired male could not determine. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything he got interrupted, "don't you dare to tell me it was. Saying it is your fault is the same as saying it's a mistake that you are still here. Do you really think Taemin died in vain?"
The older of two bit his lower lip at the words, a new stream of tears forming in the corner of his eyes. Slowly he slid down again, sitting only a few inches away from his former spot.
"He was just as kid," he whispered, barely audible and easily mistaken for a gush of wind, however, Jonghyun was sure he had heard it. "He always tried to fight dragons that could not be defeated. Whether it was about his age or the fact that he looked like a girl... Knowing he would lose anyway, Taemin fought against it all. The idiot." The last words had sound bitter and out of place, Jinki realized, too late. In order to avoid the brown piercing eyes of his friend he was quick to look down and fiddle with the small silver ring on his finger.
"That idiot loved you," Jonghyun finally snapped, slowly losing his patience, "and the decision he made that night, to push you away, wasn't the decision of a kid, Jinki. It was the decision of a grown man who risked everything just to save what was most precious to him, you."
This seemed to trigger something inside Jinki. In the blink of an eye he launched himself from his spot, an animal-like sound filling the room as his fingers entangled with Jonghyun's shirt. He pushed the smaller body against the windowpane with a strength that Jonghyun had never witnessed before, not coming from Jinki.
"You know nothing!" He almost screeched.
For a moment there Jonghyun had been too startled to even say a word, let alone push Jinki away. But before he was able to react on his own, the grip on his shirt got replaced by a forehead and the hands that had dug themselves into his shirt, now encircled his body, pulling it closer with a desperate need of comfort.
"I-- I just miss him so much. His presence, his smell, his smile," Jonghyun heard Jinki's muffled sobs against his shirt, wetting the fabric with his tears. "And the worst thing is that I know he's never coming back again, he went away even before I could tell him how-- How much I loved him."
What Jinki said after that was complete gibberish to the Jonghyun. The sobs got huskier and heavier, and the fact that Jinki's face was still pressed against his chest made it unable for anyone to understand what he was saying. Even without words, Jonghyun understood anyway.
Jonghyun's fingers gently trailed through the soft brown locks of the other, gently caressing his head, whispering as convincing as he could, "there was no need for you to tell him... He knew. He knew all along."
Author: hikarinoniji
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Pairings: Ontae (past), Jongyu
Warning: Character death.
Summary: It had been the decision of a grown man to save what was most precious to him, yet Jinki couldn't help but blame himself for it.
A/N: I wrote this thing over a year ago and realized I never posted it.
Hadn't his eyes been so hollow, no one would have guessed there was something behind Lee Jinki's everlasting smile. Silently he sat beside the window, staring at the motions outside, not even sure himself what it was that he was staring at.
"Hyung?"
He looked up, his gaze meeting the always faithful eyes of his friend and fellow group-member, Jonghyun. Jinki blinked, a smile forming upon his lips. A silent, 'rest assured, don't worry, I'm fine.' But Jonghyun wasn't one to be fooled, nor was Jinki a very good liar.
Not caring about the fact that he was now invading the older male's private space, the smaller man wriggled himself into the same corner as his leader had done. Due the fact that they now had to share a relatively small amount of space and neither of them felt like falling off, Jinki was fast to grab the younger male by the waist, while Jonghyun merely held onto his arm.
Pressing his forehead against the cold glass the older of two continued to stare outside, where now raindrops started to fall from the dark starless sky. His eyes followed the the drops on their way down on his window, until they had reached their destination and formed a small puddle underneath it on the windowsill.
Slowly it started raining harder, as if the sky was crying. And Jinki cried with her. Soft sobs emerged from his lips, catching the attention of Jonghyun who had been so comfortable in his position that he had nearly forgotten why he was there in the first place.
"Hyung? You're crying..."
"No I'm not. It's the rain." Was the short, muffled answer.
"We're inside." His free hand carefully rubbed against the bare skin of his leader's arm, who in vain, tried to hide and dry the tears that streamed down his cheeks.
"It's okay hyung. You can cry, we all do."
Another muted sob, followed by irregular breathing that desperately tried to steady itself as the taller man shook his head, dark brown locks falling in front of his eyes. "I have no right to cry. It was my fault."
It was quiet next to him and Jinki thought he had silenced the other. He tried to scramble up his feet, to the escape the situation or rather, the confrontation that could lead to it. Behind him, he heard a soft but steady, "no hyung, it wasn't."
His head cocked back to Jonghyun who now stared at him with an emotion the light brown haired male could not determine. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything he got interrupted, "don't you dare to tell me it was. Saying it is your fault is the same as saying it's a mistake that you are still here. Do you really think Taemin died in vain?"
The older of two bit his lower lip at the words, a new stream of tears forming in the corner of his eyes. Slowly he slid down again, sitting only a few inches away from his former spot.
"He was just as kid," he whispered, barely audible and easily mistaken for a gush of wind, however, Jonghyun was sure he had heard it. "He always tried to fight dragons that could not be defeated. Whether it was about his age or the fact that he looked like a girl... Knowing he would lose anyway, Taemin fought against it all. The idiot." The last words had sound bitter and out of place, Jinki realized, too late. In order to avoid the brown piercing eyes of his friend he was quick to look down and fiddle with the small silver ring on his finger.
"That idiot loved you," Jonghyun finally snapped, slowly losing his patience, "and the decision he made that night, to push you away, wasn't the decision of a kid, Jinki. It was the decision of a grown man who risked everything just to save what was most precious to him, you."
This seemed to trigger something inside Jinki. In the blink of an eye he launched himself from his spot, an animal-like sound filling the room as his fingers entangled with Jonghyun's shirt. He pushed the smaller body against the windowpane with a strength that Jonghyun had never witnessed before, not coming from Jinki.
"You know nothing!" He almost screeched.
For a moment there Jonghyun had been too startled to even say a word, let alone push Jinki away. But before he was able to react on his own, the grip on his shirt got replaced by a forehead and the hands that had dug themselves into his shirt, now encircled his body, pulling it closer with a desperate need of comfort.
"I-- I just miss him so much. His presence, his smell, his smile," Jonghyun heard Jinki's muffled sobs against his shirt, wetting the fabric with his tears. "And the worst thing is that I know he's never coming back again, he went away even before I could tell him how-- How much I loved him."
What Jinki said after that was complete gibberish to the Jonghyun. The sobs got huskier and heavier, and the fact that Jinki's face was still pressed against his chest made it unable for anyone to understand what he was saying. Even without words, Jonghyun understood anyway.
Jonghyun's fingers gently trailed through the soft brown locks of the other, gently caressing his head, whispering as convincing as he could, "there was no need for you to tell him... He knew. He knew all along."