Unable to cope:
Cant sleep 3/10/2005
Its like with all the events I cant sleep.. I cant focus on anything.. I cant stop wandering what else he has done... I cant stop feeling like a piece of ass.. a piece of shit.. I cant take it .. I need a miracle.. I have been walked all over way to many times.. I know it was a sign from god telling me he wasn't the one Im suppose to marry.. Im okay with that, its just hard because I love him.. Because I cant stop thinking of him.. But I wont be able to kiss him- hug him or anything because of how he hurt me and didn't care.. I dont get it... Why do I get hurt constantly? Why did god decide to give me all this? My whole life has been through heartache.. can't I just once be happy... feel special like so many other people..
I hate the fact that all I feel is like uneasyness... Im scared to be around him.. Im scared to even talk to him because I know he will hurt me again.. I just have to wait until that day when he does, and then maybe I will finally walk away..
Funny thing is I want to love him, I want to kiss him and make love to him but I cant because he did things with another girl.. And I wont.. Not until I have that pretty ring..
But I wouldn't marry him now.. because he messed up.. I know he will find someway to talk to her(holly) some way to be close to her..
I cant seem to get the fact out that he told me a song reminded him of me, when it was their song together.. I feel like everything was a LIE. And I know it was.. I hate him.. Oh god.. I hate him.. I cant stop wanting to just go asleep and not wake up.. but thats the problem I cant sleep......
Its like with all the events I cant sleep.. I cant focus on anything.. I cant stop wandering what else he has done... I cant stop feeling like a piece of ass.. a piece of shit.. I cant take it .. I need a miracle.. I have been walked all over way to many times.. I know it was a sign from god telling me he wasn't the one Im suppose to marry.. Im okay with that, its just hard because I love him.. Because I cant stop thinking of him.. But I wont be able to kiss him- hug him or anything because of how he hurt me and didn't care.. I dont get it... Why do I get hurt constantly? Why did god decide to give me all this? My whole life has been through heartache.. can't I just once be happy... feel special like so many other people..
I hate the fact that all I feel is like uneasyness... Im scared to be around him.. Im scared to even talk to him because I know he will hurt me again.. I just have to wait until that day when he does, and then maybe I will finally walk away..
Funny thing is I want to love him, I want to kiss him and make love to him but I cant because he did things with another girl.. And I wont.. Not until I have that pretty ring..
But I wouldn't marry him now.. because he messed up.. I know he will find someway to talk to her(holly) some way to be close to her..
I cant seem to get the fact out that he told me a song reminded him of me, when it was their song together.. I feel like everything was a LIE. And I know it was.. I hate him.. Oh god.. I hate him.. I cant stop wanting to just go asleep and not wake up.. but thats the problem I cant sleep......