A wish for those who don't know themselves yet
I feel very pulled to write here. Not even necessarily for a sense of community, but just as a kind of journal online that maybe isn't full of such personal stuff as I would write in a paper journal, but rather more an explosion of "woohoo, world, this is where I am!" that is a little longer than a Facebook post (maybe, just a little longer? heh)
Since decided to do self-employment I have been feeling SO good. I mean, of course there's the "why did I think this would be a good idea to consider this?" feeling, and then the obligatory, "yes, come on, you can do this and this is your inner energy just GOING FOR IT." and then the panic about an hour later going "fuck no I can't do this, what were you talking about??" and then when I finally decided to let out steam to a friend and just let it be seemingly ugly red paint on a canvas, it went away and was replaced by sheer euphoria. I was on top of the world. and so now my center has been replaced by sheer burning light.
I decided to join twitter because I figured that was one of the best ways to promote business and connect, and everyone's doing it, and even though I'm totally against the computer or technology owning my life, i am very hip with connecting with people and communicating. Still figuring out how to navigate it all, but that's ok. It all comes in time.
I was reading in this empath group of Facebook about people's experiences with others trusting them, and one of my last experiences really stands out in my head. This wasn't particularly recent, but it has really stood out in my head. I have had more people than I can count trust me so much that they either spilled their guts to me or asked me for what they needed.
So, I was a sophomore or junior in college, it was open house for all the departments, and I was at the theatre dept open house because the theatre dept was fucking amazing and it was the first place there that I felt at home (no yuppies, mostly weird laid back people, just awesome) and after it I was in the bathroom and the mother of a girl who had just been accepted to Wake and had been initiated into some theatre thing came out of a stall, so we were both there washing our hands, and she said to me, "Please tell me that my daughter is going to be ok."
I smiled and said, earnestly, "Your daughter is going to be fine! The theatre department was my favorite department and the people are really chill and nice -- they were the first group I really felt at home with. She's going to be fine, don't worry about her."
I have had less dramatic moments when people felt the need to talk to me or just opened up to me out of the blue, but that really stands out. I think that was so important because I didn't really know what I wanted to be. I went into college with the very strict idea of being an English major with a minor in Journalism and Spanish. I knew I loved to write, and that I was good at it. Other than that, I had no idea. i think college sort of broke me open, though, because it was there that I discovered I was very spiritual.
I think today's kids usually find it very hard to find something they want to do. So many careers seem completely unattainable or whatnot, so they take jobs that are not anything like what they want. So few people even know *what* they want to do, and don't know the art of observing their own tendencies and where they feel drawn to. I made it a habit of observing what I got fired up about and where I mostly tended to be, even if it was subconscious or unintentional. So many people more or less 'told' me what I was before I even realized what it was. They didn't 'box' me up, so to speak, but they did tell me, simply by how they felt around me and what they were willing to hear from me.
That was really cemented by one of my good friends who was going through a very rough time (I've mentioned her before here) and I discovered, when thinking about doing counseling, that I didn't want just regular counseling, but rather grief counseling. I'm amazing and excellent for acute crises. Every day bumps I can help with, but I don't feel completely fulfilled when I do those, not if I had to do them all the time. When someone *really* needs someone, I just flow into that space.
Lots of things right now seem to be just sliding right into place. i thought it would take a lot more effort to maintain a positive attitude, or even just to have a good emotional wellbeing, but I think I was putting the expectation on where those things would come from in the wrong place. I never felt this good when I was at my job! It's like I'm living by the universe's rules right now, not by human rules.
I have to say, thank god for my spirituality. I am so grateful for my strong connection and the beautiful way in which I am guided and supported and fed and deeply nourished by the love that constantly sustains me. It is there at every turn and I am so fucking blessed to be a part of this human family, this community, this planet. I am so thankful to be a part of people's lives and to have so much love to offer and to speak words that comfort and soothe, uplift and spark. I am grateful for all that I have, and all that I am. It is beautiful to be alive and to give the gift of love completely unhindered.
Thank you.
Since decided to do self-employment I have been feeling SO good. I mean, of course there's the "why did I think this would be a good idea to consider this?" feeling, and then the obligatory, "yes, come on, you can do this and this is your inner energy just GOING FOR IT." and then the panic about an hour later going "fuck no I can't do this, what were you talking about??" and then when I finally decided to let out steam to a friend and just let it be seemingly ugly red paint on a canvas, it went away and was replaced by sheer euphoria. I was on top of the world. and so now my center has been replaced by sheer burning light.
I decided to join twitter because I figured that was one of the best ways to promote business and connect, and everyone's doing it, and even though I'm totally against the computer or technology owning my life, i am very hip with connecting with people and communicating. Still figuring out how to navigate it all, but that's ok. It all comes in time.
I was reading in this empath group of Facebook about people's experiences with others trusting them, and one of my last experiences really stands out in my head. This wasn't particularly recent, but it has really stood out in my head. I have had more people than I can count trust me so much that they either spilled their guts to me or asked me for what they needed.
So, I was a sophomore or junior in college, it was open house for all the departments, and I was at the theatre dept open house because the theatre dept was fucking amazing and it was the first place there that I felt at home (no yuppies, mostly weird laid back people, just awesome) and after it I was in the bathroom and the mother of a girl who had just been accepted to Wake and had been initiated into some theatre thing came out of a stall, so we were both there washing our hands, and she said to me, "Please tell me that my daughter is going to be ok."
I smiled and said, earnestly, "Your daughter is going to be fine! The theatre department was my favorite department and the people are really chill and nice -- they were the first group I really felt at home with. She's going to be fine, don't worry about her."
I have had less dramatic moments when people felt the need to talk to me or just opened up to me out of the blue, but that really stands out. I think that was so important because I didn't really know what I wanted to be. I went into college with the very strict idea of being an English major with a minor in Journalism and Spanish. I knew I loved to write, and that I was good at it. Other than that, I had no idea. i think college sort of broke me open, though, because it was there that I discovered I was very spiritual.
I think today's kids usually find it very hard to find something they want to do. So many careers seem completely unattainable or whatnot, so they take jobs that are not anything like what they want. So few people even know *what* they want to do, and don't know the art of observing their own tendencies and where they feel drawn to. I made it a habit of observing what I got fired up about and where I mostly tended to be, even if it was subconscious or unintentional. So many people more or less 'told' me what I was before I even realized what it was. They didn't 'box' me up, so to speak, but they did tell me, simply by how they felt around me and what they were willing to hear from me.
That was really cemented by one of my good friends who was going through a very rough time (I've mentioned her before here) and I discovered, when thinking about doing counseling, that I didn't want just regular counseling, but rather grief counseling. I'm amazing and excellent for acute crises. Every day bumps I can help with, but I don't feel completely fulfilled when I do those, not if I had to do them all the time. When someone *really* needs someone, I just flow into that space.
Lots of things right now seem to be just sliding right into place. i thought it would take a lot more effort to maintain a positive attitude, or even just to have a good emotional wellbeing, but I think I was putting the expectation on where those things would come from in the wrong place. I never felt this good when I was at my job! It's like I'm living by the universe's rules right now, not by human rules.
I have to say, thank god for my spirituality. I am so grateful for my strong connection and the beautiful way in which I am guided and supported and fed and deeply nourished by the love that constantly sustains me. It is there at every turn and I am so fucking blessed to be a part of this human family, this community, this planet. I am so thankful to be a part of people's lives and to have so much love to offer and to speak words that comfort and soothe, uplift and spark. I am grateful for all that I have, and all that I am. It is beautiful to be alive and to give the gift of love completely unhindered.
Thank you.