Jitters
Today was an interesting day. I started out at work doing orientation for Target and found out that my employee Tiara called in sick. She wasn't feeling well. I had to send Daniel to the store to open it in the meantime. After I finished the orientation, I helped Linda my team lead with a couple items and then went to get Ethiopian food with Mariah, Gen, Derrick and Russell. I felt really strange when I got in the car and when we got to Addis, I felt even worse. My blood sugar was extremely low and I felt like I was going to pass out. I had to take off my pendant and my watch to help my circulation. I felt better after having some cranberry juice and eating.
We got back home, had some coffee and played a card game called Lunch Money. It was pretty fun although there are a lot of rules for the different cards. I would totally play again. They were trying to decide what they were going to do for the evening and came to find out that they were going to some underwear event and Tinker's Dam (TDs for short) which is this skanky gay club in San Jose that I heard about. They were gonna go with Scott and his boyfriend Ben. It is pretty obvious that Scott is still into Russell (Russ) and Derrick isn't all that fond of Scott apparently. Of course even the notion of going to a gay club made my anxiety levels sky-rocket. Mariah was in too much pain and drugged up from her surgery and decided not to go and Gen has to work tomorrow so she didn't go either. It was nice to not be left alone in the house and we had some good conversations after Scott, Ben, Derrick and Russ left. My nerves calmed down after a period, especially after I had some food. Mariah and I went to Taco Bell and got some grub.
After the girls went to bed. I got this overwhelming anxiety again. I am not really sure where it was coming from. I allowed my mind to wander a bit to discover a few different scenarios while trying to maintain a realistic viewpoint on the current situation and events. My anxiety grew steadily which brings me here. I usually only write when I feel the need to rant or get some of my thoughts down in proper format. A few of the situations that I happened to come up with are Alex being at TD's because that's the kind of shit he does. The intoxicated boys offer to have him come over for a little bit to catch up and the like. I stand in the doorway and tell him "I am not trying to start any drama, but you are not welcome here, you need to go home." This is a situation that I'd like to avoid at all costs. I don't want Mariah stressing out over such things and I actually feel the need to stay awake to meet the boys when they get back here so that situation doesn't occur. Nothing would sting more than having the girls wake up to Alex being in the house. I am pretty sure that Mariah still hasn't forgiven him for the incident the evening we kicked Alex out.
Another situation that I came up with is that I actually have an infatuation with one of the two visitors. I did notice that they both didn't seem to want to go and they both seemed to want me to go. I apparently am still not ready to break out of the cage I put around me and being around 4 guys that I am barely acquainted with would put me in a fairly negative situation. At this point, if I do have an infatuation, I have no idea what is up with that. It may just be hormones and we all know how my body loves to be stimulated... NOT. I'm such a head case. Only time can tell on that one.
My final hypothetical instance is that I am picking up on some kind of conflict that did happen, is happening, or will happen while the boys are at the club. It could be a conflict between Derrick and Scott considering the tension between them. A conflict between Scott and Ben because of the tension between Scott and Russ. A conflict because of Scott's reputation to drive drunk. A conflict of a potential accident *knock on wood* that happens in transit. It could also involve a conflict between one of the boys and a random person at the club. These are the least desirable outcomes.
My anxiety rarely kicks in unless there is a reason for it. I ponder what it could be. I am going to wait up for the guys to get back and hope for the best situation. What is the best situation? Well to be perfectly honest, to have them get back here in one peice, they had a good time. I prefer to look out for their safety on behalf of the girls. I am gonna play with some magic and ensure they are safe on their terms. Maybe send a demon or something. I do feel better after writing this. *sigh*
I'm lonely...
We got back home, had some coffee and played a card game called Lunch Money. It was pretty fun although there are a lot of rules for the different cards. I would totally play again. They were trying to decide what they were going to do for the evening and came to find out that they were going to some underwear event and Tinker's Dam (TDs for short) which is this skanky gay club in San Jose that I heard about. They were gonna go with Scott and his boyfriend Ben. It is pretty obvious that Scott is still into Russell (Russ) and Derrick isn't all that fond of Scott apparently. Of course even the notion of going to a gay club made my anxiety levels sky-rocket. Mariah was in too much pain and drugged up from her surgery and decided not to go and Gen has to work tomorrow so she didn't go either. It was nice to not be left alone in the house and we had some good conversations after Scott, Ben, Derrick and Russ left. My nerves calmed down after a period, especially after I had some food. Mariah and I went to Taco Bell and got some grub.
After the girls went to bed. I got this overwhelming anxiety again. I am not really sure where it was coming from. I allowed my mind to wander a bit to discover a few different scenarios while trying to maintain a realistic viewpoint on the current situation and events. My anxiety grew steadily which brings me here. I usually only write when I feel the need to rant or get some of my thoughts down in proper format. A few of the situations that I happened to come up with are Alex being at TD's because that's the kind of shit he does. The intoxicated boys offer to have him come over for a little bit to catch up and the like. I stand in the doorway and tell him "I am not trying to start any drama, but you are not welcome here, you need to go home." This is a situation that I'd like to avoid at all costs. I don't want Mariah stressing out over such things and I actually feel the need to stay awake to meet the boys when they get back here so that situation doesn't occur. Nothing would sting more than having the girls wake up to Alex being in the house. I am pretty sure that Mariah still hasn't forgiven him for the incident the evening we kicked Alex out.
Another situation that I came up with is that I actually have an infatuation with one of the two visitors. I did notice that they both didn't seem to want to go and they both seemed to want me to go. I apparently am still not ready to break out of the cage I put around me and being around 4 guys that I am barely acquainted with would put me in a fairly negative situation. At this point, if I do have an infatuation, I have no idea what is up with that. It may just be hormones and we all know how my body loves to be stimulated... NOT. I'm such a head case. Only time can tell on that one.
My final hypothetical instance is that I am picking up on some kind of conflict that did happen, is happening, or will happen while the boys are at the club. It could be a conflict between Derrick and Scott considering the tension between them. A conflict between Scott and Ben because of the tension between Scott and Russ. A conflict because of Scott's reputation to drive drunk. A conflict of a potential accident *knock on wood* that happens in transit. It could also involve a conflict between one of the boys and a random person at the club. These are the least desirable outcomes.
My anxiety rarely kicks in unless there is a reason for it. I ponder what it could be. I am going to wait up for the guys to get back and hope for the best situation. What is the best situation? Well to be perfectly honest, to have them get back here in one peice, they had a good time. I prefer to look out for their safety on behalf of the girls. I am gonna play with some magic and ensure they are safe on their terms. Maybe send a demon or something. I do feel better after writing this. *sigh*
I'm lonely...