Health Journal 03-21
I have to post today, even though I'm tired, to mark the fact that I've had a downward turn.
I've been in bed all day today and almost all day yesterday. The time I'm able to move around during the day seems shorter and shorter. I don't seem to be able to find the time or the energy to do yoga, even though that helps.
Even if I could, I still can't sleep to regain my energy. In bed all day, but haven't slept more than a few hours the past two days. Yesterday, I was tired all day but I stayed awake until what should have been a normal sleeping time for me, about 7:30 pm. Even though I knew I had things to do the next day, I didn't get sleepy till 2:00 am. To make sure I got some sleep, I took some melatonin around then. Even though it normally works so well, this time it didn't seem to do anything at all. I was awake until at least 4:00 am, and probably more like 6:00. Then I woke up at nine or ten anyway.
I'm panicking because from what I've heard from the doctors so far, there's nothing they can do. Even if what's wrong with me is diagnosable - which so far it isn't - the chances that it's something that can be fixed by anything I can personally do is slim.
I really thought that if I just had time to rest, I could change my life, become more responsible, become more disciplined, and a better, healthier and more conscientious person. But even now, when I have so few responsibilities that it's laughable, I've changed all the outward things about my life, and it seems like my body just can't keep up with the world around it. I'm doing everything I should be doing, but my body is betraying me.
I need help. I need someone to step in and want earnestly to help me. I can't do this on my own anymore.
I've been in bed all day today and almost all day yesterday. The time I'm able to move around during the day seems shorter and shorter. I don't seem to be able to find the time or the energy to do yoga, even though that helps.
Even if I could, I still can't sleep to regain my energy. In bed all day, but haven't slept more than a few hours the past two days. Yesterday, I was tired all day but I stayed awake until what should have been a normal sleeping time for me, about 7:30 pm. Even though I knew I had things to do the next day, I didn't get sleepy till 2:00 am. To make sure I got some sleep, I took some melatonin around then. Even though it normally works so well, this time it didn't seem to do anything at all. I was awake until at least 4:00 am, and probably more like 6:00. Then I woke up at nine or ten anyway.
I'm panicking because from what I've heard from the doctors so far, there's nothing they can do. Even if what's wrong with me is diagnosable - which so far it isn't - the chances that it's something that can be fixed by anything I can personally do is slim.
I really thought that if I just had time to rest, I could change my life, become more responsible, become more disciplined, and a better, healthier and more conscientious person. But even now, when I have so few responsibilities that it's laughable, I've changed all the outward things about my life, and it seems like my body just can't keep up with the world around it. I'm doing everything I should be doing, but my body is betraying me.
I need help. I need someone to step in and want earnestly to help me. I can't do this on my own anymore.