I can't believe...
I can't put my life on hold for her. I've done it more than once, a lot more than just once. And no matter how glad, how happy I've always been to have her, in the end it's always come down to waiting for her. I hate waiting for her.
It's only been a day since she decided she wants me in her life again.
I should feel like a puppet for she is always taking me back to have me when it suits her. I don't, I can't because I can't stop wishing that something could actually turn out well. I already know that I'll mess up sooner or later, I've proven that I can sabotage us countless times. I still yearn for the day where it all works out, where we work out just fine.
But it's only been one day and here I am - waiting.
Last night I told her we should talk when we've got the time. I thought that would mean today, right now, as soon as we have the time. And I think she should be back from school already. I don't know. But it means that I'm waiting.
I hate waiting for her.
I shouldn't take her back, I really, really shouldn't even think about taking her back! I can't believe I'm even thinking about it. It's been what? About three years since it all started? I really thought we would be over this time. I wasn't planning on ever, ever speaking to her again. I had myself get over her this time.
I don't know if the fact that I'm considering starting over means that I wasn't over her after all...