as soon as youre going to breakdown any second, the clock stopped ticking

[rainbow_kissed]

so im having a lonely spell
and ive gotten so into it that
i dont really want anyone \,
i just want physical affection. a hug, a kiss, cuddle....

and johnna will give it to me and i give it to her when she needs it.
and i love her because it never means anything except "im here for you and i love you"

but when shes not near, walter is.
and im hurting him every time i touch him
and i dont care because he hurt me and lied to me the entire time
we were dating. 7 fucking months of bullshit.

after balling at dennys with the famous johnna marie
and taking some of her wisdom,
heres what we (she) came up with:

i am not a totally shitty person
i just pick all the wrong people to open up to
(including her, she says)
everyone is self absorbed so
they dont open up all the way
and for some fucked up reason
i think i have the right to open up to my "friends"
that really arent

and i get hurt.

so, the solution?

"fuck everyone you thought was your friend
and make some friends.

how fucking hard is it to say 'hello' melinda, really?"

and shes breaking down as well
for lack of living. arent we all?
and she says shes an asshole,
but really shes not/ shes the most amazing
person ive laid my eyes on

and her asshole cover makes her feel better
about not doing anything to change the life she has
but does not want.

and its her that can change it,
and she knows it, she just wants someone to tell her
"i love you and youre not crazy"

and im there. always.
(which, according to the muse is why i get hurt a lot)

all i want is you. is that too much to ask?