It's a strange feeling
I'm staying up so I can watch the meteor shower, and part of me becomes sad thinking about if Woody and I were still together would we be waiting together to watch it? No,not at all. He would be at home and I would be here in my room missing him. Then another part doesn't even care about what he is doing, most likely sleeping. haha. I am over him, he does cross my mind time to time, but that is expected when you care about someone as much as I cared about him. But it also feels like being just friends will be something really hard for us because he has never really felt what it is like to be my friend, I gave him special treatment cause he was my boyfriend. I don't know if he can even handle me as just a friend. I hope he can cause I really want us to stay close enough that we can talk freely to one another. Ah well.
So now on to another topic, Josh, the fire man. I met him through emerge, the party that no one went to, but from the moment I met him I was convinced that him and another girl doing the dance Caley were dating cause of how friendly they are, but they are not, and that got me all excited cause I developed a small crush on him. The crush grew and every time I saw him I got really excited and when I didn't was very disappointed. I never told him of my feelings, but apparently they were very obvious and he knew. Guy, one of the financial backers, talked to me about it and was my confidant. He said he would talk to Josh for me because sometimes, depending on the situation and person, I can be extremely shy about these things.
On the day of emerge, I was the second person to arrive. Guy was the first and Josh was the third. That morning before Josh arrived, Guy had actually told me that he already knew and it made me a bit flustered and I shut down and did not say much to him, or look at him really. Quill was then the fourth person to arrive, still no sign of anyone else. We all commenced to walk to a starbucks, or coffee shop of equal caliber. I told Quill of my predicament and she said that I was super obvious about it. I became more embarrassed as I was only 50% sure of him liking me back. I mean he would flirt with me and talk to me a lot, but a lot of guys do that.
So we walked, we talked, they made fun of me (people always do!), and we walked some more. Finally we got back and for the next three hours Josh and I decorated a lot of the space together and we talked and such. I was slap happy doing these projects together, other people joining in occasionally, until Guy came up to me and told me that Josh had said that I was not his type. That made me shut down completely. I still acted human and interacted with people throughout the night, but was void of any feeling other than remorse. This news was extremely disappointing to me considering that just twenty minutes earlier he had slapped me in the ass saying he couldn't help it.
I guess this is me just realizing that I cannot keep my hopes up. I thought I had gotten over it and that I didn't like him anymore, but tonight I realized I still do. I really don't want to if nothing will come of it. The thought that someone, anyone has a certain "type" they date is ridiculous to me. Most people do not fall into categories, so labeling them is unnecessary and childish. I thought that remark was silly and a bit ignorant.
As the night progressed, we barely interacted. Right before I left he complained of being thirsty, so out of kindness I gave him my water bottle. Right before I left he told me not to leave and gave me a big hug (a friend hug) and we talked for a minute. I watched him walk a little ways with some people. I drove my rolling friend to an after-party.
We then did not talk again until I sent him a message via text while I was at Daft Punk. We texted all night, and most of the next day. I think we are friends now, which is cool. Friends are pretty awesome. He talked about going to CU Boulder, how his parents will be paying for, how he buys all new books for classes, how he will be moving up there. A part of me wants to punch him in the face for getting whatever he wants and thinks that he is a bit spoiled, another part of me knows that my parents pay for everything, so I have no room to judge. I judge too much.
I still like him, too bad nothing will come from it. I just think its funny that we both named our adopted myspace hedgehog spikes, and that it is light brown. ha.
I just want to say though that if he ever changed his mind.....he would not regret it. I will leave it at that.
So now on to another topic, Josh, the fire man. I met him through emerge, the party that no one went to, but from the moment I met him I was convinced that him and another girl doing the dance Caley were dating cause of how friendly they are, but they are not, and that got me all excited cause I developed a small crush on him. The crush grew and every time I saw him I got really excited and when I didn't was very disappointed. I never told him of my feelings, but apparently they were very obvious and he knew. Guy, one of the financial backers, talked to me about it and was my confidant. He said he would talk to Josh for me because sometimes, depending on the situation and person, I can be extremely shy about these things.
On the day of emerge, I was the second person to arrive. Guy was the first and Josh was the third. That morning before Josh arrived, Guy had actually told me that he already knew and it made me a bit flustered and I shut down and did not say much to him, or look at him really. Quill was then the fourth person to arrive, still no sign of anyone else. We all commenced to walk to a starbucks, or coffee shop of equal caliber. I told Quill of my predicament and she said that I was super obvious about it. I became more embarrassed as I was only 50% sure of him liking me back. I mean he would flirt with me and talk to me a lot, but a lot of guys do that.
So we walked, we talked, they made fun of me (people always do!), and we walked some more. Finally we got back and for the next three hours Josh and I decorated a lot of the space together and we talked and such. I was slap happy doing these projects together, other people joining in occasionally, until Guy came up to me and told me that Josh had said that I was not his type. That made me shut down completely. I still acted human and interacted with people throughout the night, but was void of any feeling other than remorse. This news was extremely disappointing to me considering that just twenty minutes earlier he had slapped me in the ass saying he couldn't help it.
I guess this is me just realizing that I cannot keep my hopes up. I thought I had gotten over it and that I didn't like him anymore, but tonight I realized I still do. I really don't want to if nothing will come of it. The thought that someone, anyone has a certain "type" they date is ridiculous to me. Most people do not fall into categories, so labeling them is unnecessary and childish. I thought that remark was silly and a bit ignorant.
As the night progressed, we barely interacted. Right before I left he complained of being thirsty, so out of kindness I gave him my water bottle. Right before I left he told me not to leave and gave me a big hug (a friend hug) and we talked for a minute. I watched him walk a little ways with some people. I drove my rolling friend to an after-party.
We then did not talk again until I sent him a message via text while I was at Daft Punk. We texted all night, and most of the next day. I think we are friends now, which is cool. Friends are pretty awesome. He talked about going to CU Boulder, how his parents will be paying for, how he buys all new books for classes, how he will be moving up there. A part of me wants to punch him in the face for getting whatever he wants and thinks that he is a bit spoiled, another part of me knows that my parents pay for everything, so I have no room to judge. I judge too much.
I still like him, too bad nothing will come from it. I just think its funny that we both named our adopted myspace hedgehog spikes, and that it is light brown. ha.
I just want to say though that if he ever changed his mind.....he would not regret it. I will leave it at that.