Things one learns from watching TLC
I don't watch most of the shows on TLC, but I will confess to watching the Saturday evening shows. These include "Outrageous 911" (bizarre and amusing 911 calls); "OMG!EMT!" (bizarre and amusing stories related by emergency service workers); "Untold Stories of the ER" (stories from the ER, some of which are dramatic and some of which are funny); and "Sex Sent me to the ER." The last one is trashy but funny.
From watching "Sex Sent me to the ER" I have learned the following, most of which would probably fall under "common sense," but common sense can be sadly lacking when a person is horny.
-- Do not put things in or on your genitals that are not meant for that purpose. This includes popsicles, other people's prescription medication, and "lip plumper."
-- If you are putting something in or on your genitals that is actually meant for that purpose, make sure it is CLEAN. One woman used a vaginal suppository after dropping it on the bathroom floor in a public restroom. She got an infection. Surprise, surprise.
-- Do not have sex on a "blanket" of fiberglass insulation. Do not have sex in a cemetery, not even on Halloween. Do not have sex in an abandoned treehouse that has not been used or cleaned for goodness knows how long. Do not have sex on a picnic table. Do not have sex on any kind of table if you don't know how stable or sturdy it is.
-- If your doctor tells you not have sex for a certain amount of time, it is a good idea to listen to him or her.
-- Do not inhale a condom.
-- If you buy a stripper pole as a surprise gift for your significant other, make sure it is properly installed before either of you attempts to use it.
-- If your date's dog doesn't like you, to the extent that it growls at you, it might be a good idea to shut it in another room before having sex with your date. Actually, that might be a good idea even if the dog does like you.
-- Finally, even if it is embarrassing, one should inform the ER doctors of what you were doing when the pain/injury started. Yes, that includes having sex. They've heard it all.