just random tots
it is now 7.22pm... and i am still here...
i guess i should be happy coz i managed to get some things settled.
but it is getting really tiring.... many things are just coming at once. i was told that my load will be lighten this year so i can concentrate on the important stuff but guess what? i am being loaded one project after another. and all almost back to back.
it is all coming down.. and usually i am able to keep my cool but recently i been pretty short tempered and some people suffer from it, especially the ones i love. I am so sorry... but i cant help it. thank you so much for taking the blunt end of it and not hating me.
everyone around me is comparing their bonus but i dont have any at all. sigh...after all the crap i went thru last year, i felt that it is really unfair but what to do, someone has to be the one to suffer and i was the target. it is not like i din do anything at all the whole year, i DID lots and i guess that is the problem, it was so much that it was open for inspection and in the end, it is felt that i did it for personal glory. but i am ok... as long as i know deep in my heart that what i did was right and i did not have to polish anyone's tits to get my bonus, i can sleep soundly at night. i asked myself would it have been different if i gave up mu morales and went to bootlick like everyone else. would it be different? i think it will. she thrives on such... but i wont be able to live with myself, i am not this kinda person. i will puke in digust.
one observation made was that althought i was in charge of the renovation project, it was not I who did the work but the contractors, my colleagues were WTF! my heads do it all the time but that is called work delegation. they also hire external vendors to do the projects but they get credited for taking the initiative to do the projects. double standards! but i guess the world is never fair, right? if i fret over it and get all worn out by it then i guess this is not the place for me. but actually, it made me see more clearly that i do not do it for the money, i get satisfaction from the work and interaction so that is enough for me. the money if i did get it would have been that, a bonus.
but then it would have been nice coz it would be a good amount to engage N to paint my walls. i like the paintings i have seen, although i have only seen a few but i guess there is an unspoken trust. it is just there, i really do not know how to explain it. i just do. and for a long time, i tot this was already dead in me. but i guess like my frens all tell me, it is not dead. it just has not met its match. so has it? only time can tell.
i guess i should be happy coz i managed to get some things settled.
but it is getting really tiring.... many things are just coming at once. i was told that my load will be lighten this year so i can concentrate on the important stuff but guess what? i am being loaded one project after another. and all almost back to back.
it is all coming down.. and usually i am able to keep my cool but recently i been pretty short tempered and some people suffer from it, especially the ones i love. I am so sorry... but i cant help it. thank you so much for taking the blunt end of it and not hating me.
everyone around me is comparing their bonus but i dont have any at all. sigh...after all the crap i went thru last year, i felt that it is really unfair but what to do, someone has to be the one to suffer and i was the target. it is not like i din do anything at all the whole year, i DID lots and i guess that is the problem, it was so much that it was open for inspection and in the end, it is felt that i did it for personal glory. but i am ok... as long as i know deep in my heart that what i did was right and i did not have to polish anyone's tits to get my bonus, i can sleep soundly at night. i asked myself would it have been different if i gave up mu morales and went to bootlick like everyone else. would it be different? i think it will. she thrives on such... but i wont be able to live with myself, i am not this kinda person. i will puke in digust.
one observation made was that althought i was in charge of the renovation project, it was not I who did the work but the contractors, my colleagues were WTF! my heads do it all the time but that is called work delegation. they also hire external vendors to do the projects but they get credited for taking the initiative to do the projects. double standards! but i guess the world is never fair, right? if i fret over it and get all worn out by it then i guess this is not the place for me. but actually, it made me see more clearly that i do not do it for the money, i get satisfaction from the work and interaction so that is enough for me. the money if i did get it would have been that, a bonus.
but then it would have been nice coz it would be a good amount to engage N to paint my walls. i like the paintings i have seen, although i have only seen a few but i guess there is an unspoken trust. it is just there, i really do not know how to explain it. i just do. and for a long time, i tot this was already dead in me. but i guess like my frens all tell me, it is not dead. it just has not met its match. so has it? only time can tell.