this feels like high school
I don't have a moment to myself that I'm not supposed to be using for some other, more productive purpose. I have more schoolwork than I think I've ever had, or maybe it's just that I care more right now than I have for the last two and a half years. The competition is stiff--well it's less like competition and more like peers. But they're fucking crazy. I go around my seminar, one girl's spent months in Ghana, another Ethiopia, another worked in Nicaragua and studied abroad in Cairo, all of them have done research. There's a sophomore in there who's spending her next year in Korea and she's planning out her research now. Who are these people??? Who the fuck does real qualitative fieldwork when they're undergraduates??? And am I an idiot because I'd rather do than research. And if that's true, why am I in this insanely hard research seminar that also takes me away from my team on fridays??
Why am I writing this stupid entry instead of working on my first proposal for my thesis abstract, which is due tomorrow? No one knows these things. But between school, rugby, and BOLT I feel like I'm going to pop. Or at least fail something. Sometimes it feels good, but sometimes i hate that I can't do all my readings, that I feel like I'm not getting 100% out of my classes. I miss guilt-free wasted time. I miss Nik-time.
...
Okay, enough wallowing. I gotta do this thang. Now.
Why am I writing this stupid entry instead of working on my first proposal for my thesis abstract, which is due tomorrow? No one knows these things. But between school, rugby, and BOLT I feel like I'm going to pop. Or at least fail something. Sometimes it feels good, but sometimes i hate that I can't do all my readings, that I feel like I'm not getting 100% out of my classes. I miss guilt-free wasted time. I miss Nik-time.
...
Okay, enough wallowing. I gotta do this thang. Now.