Returning, of sorts.
It's been quite a while since I've posted in LiveJournal. I know, the platform has faded away in most of the social media world, but I'm still a big fan of the format, so I thought I would return.
But, it's a different kind of blog for me now.
A little over 6 months ago my wife passed away after a 10 year long battle with cancer. I had spent most of the past 10 years being her caretaker, focusing most of my energy and attention on her and , since a traditional job would've interfered with that, I worked mainly as a freelance illustrator.
Now, that she has passed, it's been a hard and very difficult refocusing on my life. Bills need to be paid, so I have gone full time as a shipping clerk at a local warehouse.
But, my main goal now is to reboot my life. I am trying to find a way to do something that means something to me and gets me up every morning, because, after the loss of Stacey, well, it's been the hardest thing I have ever deal with. Each day has been a struggle to find motivation and meaning.
I want to use this journal, at least for the time being, to try to express that. Maybe it's just for me, a venting place other than Facebook. A little more personal place, maybe, so I can try to come to terms with my thoughts and feelings, and maybe help my friends and family to try t understand me a little more too. They have all been great, but I think they may feel powerless in ways to help because they don't really know how. Hell, most of the time I don't really know how they can help.
This is just a quick introduction to this new journey on LiveJournal. Another tool in my battle with this intense depression and sadness I can't seem to overcome.
I will link this to my Facebook. I want my family and friends and followers on Facebook to know this will probably be my main internet presence for my thoughts and feelings about my personal battle. I want to keep Facebook itself a lighter place for things, so I don't drive people crazy with my postings about my pain or sadness or just thoughts that won't bring everyone down everytime they scroll through their Facebook feeds.
This is for the people that want to know, if interested. On where I am right now.
First off, I want to thank everyone who have been helping me and for being there for me in this difficult time. I couldn't have made it this far without you. Seriously.
I have to head off to work and try to make it through another day. I don't know if this journal will help me, but for the time being, I think it will. Maybe just letting out the demons in my head for a little bit at a time may relieve me of this and help me to get back on track.