PBS & IBS & USPS!A TRILOGY OF TERROR!!
The world iz gettin' crazier,scarier and smellier.Tyra Bankz looses her marblez the more she gainz weight.Boston goez into shutdown when Aqua Teen Hunger Force Lite Britez are placed thruout the city.David Lee Roth rejoinz Van Halen with Eddie's son Wolfie on bass,Terry Bozzio joins Korn.Astronaughts wear diapers on thier way to a murder spree.
But I wazn't worried.I had my witz about me and the comfort that PBS waz gonna be airing a New York Dolls performance on thier Soundstage show.I had the timez and datez written down,planned my life arounded the airingz.Little thingz like this makes everything else seem trivial and worthless.
Well,Friday night I managed to not get too involved in anything,my night waz planned already.
After an afternoon nap,I woke up an hour or so before my television event,so I did what any American male doez-channel surf.I didn't wanna land on any program I had to commit too,so the clicker latched on to the music video channel Fuse.Why not check out some musik videos and see what the kiddiez are rockin' out to?
Maybe I waz still groggy from my nap,maybe I'm just getting old,or maybe I'm just grumpy,but jeezuz H.Krykeee,I had never seen so much pussified "hard rock" in my life.Winger could kick theze bandz' asses.Videos full of glassy eyed hoody wearing whiney fucks blairing crybaby "why me?' lyrics one after another flickered across my squinty eyez.Yet,I couldn't look away,az my eyez and earz were witness to videos with all the same messege-"We are sad little boyz and girlz with no self worth and we're victims of this gloomy world,pleaze rape me cuz I won't fight back and all I can do iz look in the mirror and feel sorry for myself".
I wanted to slap everyone of thoze band memberz,tell them to quit using thier guitarz az shields and turn them into swordz.Someone give 'em a Manowar cd,quick,before they turn into Alanis Morrissette!!
I couldn't remember all the band namez,since they are so bland and colorless,were monikered with something having to do with two or three unrelated and non-threatening wordz with a number tagged on to it, like Three Doors Grace or something.The bandz and thier repective videoz lacked any touch of humor or irony or power or energy or fight or sexuality,the thingz that make rock and roll roll and rock.
I just couldn't believe what I waz seeing.How doez this happen?Who's the people signing theze crappapalooza headlinerz?The only people I see actually buying this stuff iz 10 year old girlz that are upset cuz thier cellphone'z and MySpace accountz aren't gettin' enough hitz from thier crush's of the week.
Where'z the Vains Of Jennas & Towers Of Londons?Where'z the Turbonegro's and the Guitar Wolf's?Hell,even nerd rock kingz Weezer haz Tha ROCK with thier big giants blazing W logo behind thier drummer and can crank out a decent crunchy and cheezy riff!
Guess the kidz don't wanna rock,it'z much easier to roll up in a ball and cry themselves to death.
This iz a screen shot from a video of a song called "Pain" to illustrate my disgust-
The band in the video repeatly cries out "I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all".
They've never felt the traveling stone thru a kidney or suffered a bout with I.B.S. or watched thier own video.
Trust me,feeling nothing at all iz really the way to go in theze instances.
So,my hour or so of waiting for MY rockshow to start I managed to work myself up into a ball of frustration at the state of rock and roll.Hell,it even started to piss me off that I waz going to be watching The NY Dolls on PBS for kristsakes instead of MTV,VH1 or even VH1 Classic!!Hell,I hear more KISS on NPR than I do the rock stations while tooling around in the car,nowdayz.
But I managed to calm my inner anger down az I filled up my massive Big Gulp Pimp Cup with frosty cold Mountain Dew and plopped in a dvd-r into the dvd player in anticipation for The Dolls.
I picked up the remote,zoomed over to Channel 10 and....
WHATDAFUCK!!!
My local PBS channel had CHANGED THIER STINKING PROGRAMMING FOR THE DAY AND INSTEAD WAZ GONNA SHOW CLIFFORD THE BIG RED FUCKIN' DOG INSTEAD!!!
My Friday Night planz were dashed into hell.I wanted to crawl into my Creature From The Black Lagoon hoody and stare at the ground in defeat.My rock n roll fix waz denied me.
But I couldn't let myself wallow in the crapulence and let my night go to a complete waste,so I watched "Bela Lugosi Meets The Brooklyn Gorilla"after checking the PBS website for the next scheduled showing of "Soundstage".Yeah,it'z a pretty bad movie,but it waz a perfect antidote to what I managed to put myself thru earlier.
Sunday Night'z showing of "Soundstage" I wazn't able to catch cuz I had to get up sooper early on Monday morning to take a test for employment in the Post Office.So I had to await it's final showing on Monday Night.No prob,I won't miss it fer the world.
So Monday morning I headed on out before the sun came up for my hopez of getting a government job along with a hundred other Newman wannabeez.We're all jammed into a big room at the Henderson Convention Center to test our memory skillz and such filling in little dots on our test sheets.One of the ladies that handed out the tests waz a tall 55ish year old lady that looked like a cross between The Chicken Lady from "Kids In The Hall"
and oddly enough Arthur "Killer" Kane from The NY Dolls-
but with a huge splot of dark purple died into her blonde frizzy hair on the right side of her head.A very strange sight,but there waz some comfort in the fact that SHE got a job for the Post Office,so me and my occasional freekiness shouldn't be a problem to the powers that be.A job with freedom to visually express myself iz important to me,even tho I'm pretty tame compared to all the multi-pierced tattooed ridden earlob stretched masses ya see wanderin' 'round theze dayz.
That went smoothly,and after the 3 hour test the rest of the day waz free for me to carry on with my whimz til' the magic hour for the final showing of my eagerly awaited NY Dolls fix.
A fix that yet again I would be denied of,for once again Channel 10 changed thier line-up for the day.
The one thing I waz really looking forward to this weekend ended up with me questioning whether I mayhapz had made it up and followed nothing but some rawknrawl mirage I conjured up from the pain of Friday'z Fuse VideoFest.
Haz anyone seen it?Doez it really exist?Could it be that Channel 10,Las Vegas' PBS tv station refuses to show it?
Someone got a bit torrent of it for me?
Will I ever get over this?
Well,gettin' Michael Anthony back in Van Halen now that Diamond Dave iz back might do the trick.
When will my rock and roll planets align just right and make all thingz good again?
For now I'll just watch this-
til' then.
One can hope.
Oh yes,one can hope....
But I wazn't worried.I had my witz about me and the comfort that PBS waz gonna be airing a New York Dolls performance on thier Soundstage show.I had the timez and datez written down,planned my life arounded the airingz.Little thingz like this makes everything else seem trivial and worthless.
Well,Friday night I managed to not get too involved in anything,my night waz planned already.
After an afternoon nap,I woke up an hour or so before my television event,so I did what any American male doez-channel surf.I didn't wanna land on any program I had to commit too,so the clicker latched on to the music video channel Fuse.Why not check out some musik videos and see what the kiddiez are rockin' out to?
Maybe I waz still groggy from my nap,maybe I'm just getting old,or maybe I'm just grumpy,but jeezuz H.Krykeee,I had never seen so much pussified "hard rock" in my life.Winger could kick theze bandz' asses.Videos full of glassy eyed hoody wearing whiney fucks blairing crybaby "why me?' lyrics one after another flickered across my squinty eyez.Yet,I couldn't look away,az my eyez and earz were witness to videos with all the same messege-"We are sad little boyz and girlz with no self worth and we're victims of this gloomy world,pleaze rape me cuz I won't fight back and all I can do iz look in the mirror and feel sorry for myself".
I wanted to slap everyone of thoze band memberz,tell them to quit using thier guitarz az shields and turn them into swordz.Someone give 'em a Manowar cd,quick,before they turn into Alanis Morrissette!!
I couldn't remember all the band namez,since they are so bland and colorless,were monikered with something having to do with two or three unrelated and non-threatening wordz with a number tagged on to it, like Three Doors Grace or something.The bandz and thier repective videoz lacked any touch of humor or irony or power or energy or fight or sexuality,the thingz that make rock and roll roll and rock.
I just couldn't believe what I waz seeing.How doez this happen?Who's the people signing theze crappapalooza headlinerz?The only people I see actually buying this stuff iz 10 year old girlz that are upset cuz thier cellphone'z and MySpace accountz aren't gettin' enough hitz from thier crush's of the week.
Where'z the Vains Of Jennas & Towers Of Londons?Where'z the Turbonegro's and the Guitar Wolf's?Hell,even nerd rock kingz Weezer haz Tha ROCK with thier big giants blazing W logo behind thier drummer and can crank out a decent crunchy and cheezy riff!
Guess the kidz don't wanna rock,it'z much easier to roll up in a ball and cry themselves to death.
This iz a screen shot from a video of a song called "Pain" to illustrate my disgust-
The band in the video repeatly cries out "I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all".
They've never felt the traveling stone thru a kidney or suffered a bout with I.B.S. or watched thier own video.
Trust me,feeling nothing at all iz really the way to go in theze instances.
So,my hour or so of waiting for MY rockshow to start I managed to work myself up into a ball of frustration at the state of rock and roll.Hell,it even started to piss me off that I waz going to be watching The NY Dolls on PBS for kristsakes instead of MTV,VH1 or even VH1 Classic!!Hell,I hear more KISS on NPR than I do the rock stations while tooling around in the car,nowdayz.
But I managed to calm my inner anger down az I filled up my massive Big Gulp Pimp Cup with frosty cold Mountain Dew and plopped in a dvd-r into the dvd player in anticipation for The Dolls.
I picked up the remote,zoomed over to Channel 10 and....
WHATDAFUCK!!!
My local PBS channel had CHANGED THIER STINKING PROGRAMMING FOR THE DAY AND INSTEAD WAZ GONNA SHOW CLIFFORD THE BIG RED FUCKIN' DOG INSTEAD!!!
My Friday Night planz were dashed into hell.I wanted to crawl into my Creature From The Black Lagoon hoody and stare at the ground in defeat.My rock n roll fix waz denied me.
But I couldn't let myself wallow in the crapulence and let my night go to a complete waste,so I watched "Bela Lugosi Meets The Brooklyn Gorilla"after checking the PBS website for the next scheduled showing of "Soundstage".Yeah,it'z a pretty bad movie,but it waz a perfect antidote to what I managed to put myself thru earlier.
Sunday Night'z showing of "Soundstage" I wazn't able to catch cuz I had to get up sooper early on Monday morning to take a test for employment in the Post Office.So I had to await it's final showing on Monday Night.No prob,I won't miss it fer the world.
So Monday morning I headed on out before the sun came up for my hopez of getting a government job along with a hundred other Newman wannabeez.We're all jammed into a big room at the Henderson Convention Center to test our memory skillz and such filling in little dots on our test sheets.One of the ladies that handed out the tests waz a tall 55ish year old lady that looked like a cross between The Chicken Lady from "Kids In The Hall"
and oddly enough Arthur "Killer" Kane from The NY Dolls-
but with a huge splot of dark purple died into her blonde frizzy hair on the right side of her head.A very strange sight,but there waz some comfort in the fact that SHE got a job for the Post Office,so me and my occasional freekiness shouldn't be a problem to the powers that be.A job with freedom to visually express myself iz important to me,even tho I'm pretty tame compared to all the multi-pierced tattooed ridden earlob stretched masses ya see wanderin' 'round theze dayz.
That went smoothly,and after the 3 hour test the rest of the day waz free for me to carry on with my whimz til' the magic hour for the final showing of my eagerly awaited NY Dolls fix.
A fix that yet again I would be denied of,for once again Channel 10 changed thier line-up for the day.
The one thing I waz really looking forward to this weekend ended up with me questioning whether I mayhapz had made it up and followed nothing but some rawknrawl mirage I conjured up from the pain of Friday'z Fuse VideoFest.
Haz anyone seen it?Doez it really exist?Could it be that Channel 10,Las Vegas' PBS tv station refuses to show it?
Someone got a bit torrent of it for me?
Will I ever get over this?
Well,gettin' Michael Anthony back in Van Halen now that Diamond Dave iz back might do the trick.
When will my rock and roll planets align just right and make all thingz good again?
For now I'll just watch this-
til' then.
One can hope.
Oh yes,one can hope....