How to Shell Black Walnuts like a Moderately Intelligent Neanderthal

[ragnvaeig]

Harvested Black Walnuts
Originally uploaded by Ragnvaeig. ...in which our heroine was massively overthinking the problem.

One of the byproducts (irony!) to having done black walnut hull dyeing was having a big bag full of black walnuts I'd harvested myself with which to experiment. Sparingly. I've had problems with certain nuts being a trigger for migraine in relatively low doses, but I heard that black walnuts had a flavour distinct from store-boughten walnuts, and you know me and curiosity. I washed the nuts carefully, and cured them in their shells for at least a month in an old vented paper potato sack, as recommended, and looked forward to trying one. Except I couldn't get in to the buggers.

Being quite fond of foraging food, when I'd initially been poking around the 'net wondering about eating black walnuts I saw all kinds of cautions about how hard the shells are (as a caution, evidently I bent the metal nutcracker, so don't bother) and recommending a special steel contraption, or C-clamps, or running over them with the tyres of your car. I'd been trying to come to grips with these ideas, and was wondering what kind of cleverness I could apply to open the verdammt things, and had been keeping an eye out at the flea market part of the farm stand for an antique nut extractor.... The nuts have been languishing in said sack inside my 10-inch cast-iron cauldron for at least a year while I pondered the seemingly-impossible.

Then a couple weeks ago, I went to the Great Smoky Mountains Heritage Center with thirteenletters, where they have an exhibit of Cherokee artefacts, including a nut rock. Put nut on rock, whack with other rock. Cue facepalm. At least I admit to being much better with implementation than with the ideas themselves.

So, being intrepid and certain that two rocks do make a right, I set out a small pad of newspaper on the patio today, placed one of the impenetrable walnuts atop it, picked up a really hefty rock...and pulverized half the nut in the first whack. Later this evening, I tried again more gently and purposefully--further away from the house to dissuade the evil squirrels*--and have shelled probably around 20 nuts. I have finally become at least as smart as a Neanderthal, or at least a moderately-intelligent ape. Ook.

*When I initially brought these nuts home, the squirrels were gnawing at the frame of the patio closet door to get at them, and started knocking on the patio glass trying to come in to the flat. Only after we got a barbecue and cooked meat outdoors did the little buggers get the hint to sod off.

Things I have learned:

1. It is possible to hang on to a black walnut with the non-dominant hand to keep it from careening off into the bushes to taunt both the squirrels and me, but the roughness of the shells means this is probably not viable in the long term for my delicate skin. This, combined with residual stain from the juglone, probably means I ought to wear a glove if I'm going to hold them.


2. Walnuts have seams, which it is useful to exploit.


3. Sometimes it takes a while to do it gently, but it is possible to be careful enough not to bash your fingers.


4. Rocks shaped similarly to Neolithic axe heads are indeed useful tools. I theorize that knapped edges may be too sharp, but am unwilling to experiment with sharpness so close to my own opposable thumb, which I have already damaged quite badly in pursuit of butternut squash.


5. It is nearly impossible to remove a nut meat intact. Half a nut is about as good as it gets, with the rest being effectively ground.


6. Breaking a shell into quarters is most useful, as it gets the meat out of the valves most cleanly and efficiently.


7. When you only break it in half, it is still possible to get the rest of the meat out by grinding away industriously with a nut pick to break it up, though it takes rather a bit more effort and quite a bit of tapping on the back of the shell to get the meat to release. smarriveurr likened it to brain extraction in the Egyptian mummification process.


8. Newspaper grinds into the sidewalk when enough repeated force is applied. (I believe this will be solved tomorrow when it rains.)


9. The opened shells are alien-looking things.

I'm only eating a small portion at a time, but the flavour is indeed different, almost ammoniac, like walnut plus anise. It's a hard-won flavour.