Because I Coudn't Help Myself
It's not going to do any good, it's not going to result in any miraculous change of MO, but it was successful in the venting department. Not my best work, but I have an asstonne of stuff on deck that needs tending to, and wasn't able to concoct one of my better offerings--and it couldn't wait, either
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I do hope that this is your name, but if it's not, please forgive me my ignorance.
I loved Jen deeply. She was incredible. I've posted some of my memories of her in response to your request. I hope that they bring you some comfort.
Regarding funerals, my father was the same way, didn't want any sort of funeral/religious rites. So my sister, grandmother and I found a way to satisfy his wants and our needs.
Because, Mrs. K, funerals are for the living. They help us to find a sense of completion when a life is ended. I think, as insightful as Jen was, she didn't quite understand that, or she wouldn't have asked for no memorial service.
Here is what we did for my father.
We are from Massachusetts. One of my father's favorite places was a particular beach in Cape Cod.
We sent out invitations to all of Dad's friends to meet us at that beach on the one month anniversary of his death, where we quietly scattered his ashes, then invited anybody who felt so moved to talk about Dad, share memories, just TELL about what made him special and why we loved him.
There were tears. There were nostalgic looks. There were letters read from friends who couldn't be there but wanted to share in the memorial. But most of all, there were smiles and peals of laughter over the stories that people told about my Dad. We celebrated a life well lived and ended all too soon. My father was 42 when he died.
And afterward, we all went clam digging and had a huge clambake party on the beach, with more memories shared, songs sung, bad jokes groaned at (his favorites, of course!) more laughter, a few more tears, and a lot of love.
It was the kind of send-off, that, had he thought of it, he would have loved. It's what I want, myself.
And I bet that something along those lines would be something Jen would think was pretty cool.
This is just my opinion.
I wish that there were something I could do to ease the grief that I know both you and Jen's siblings are feeling.
And please, yes, do something to celebrate her life, even if only a family and very close friends coffee and memory gathering. Do it because you and your family need it, as a way to say goodbye to somebody who was so deeply loved by all of you. And because Jen would really understand that need. She was wonderful like that.
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