Facing the past, and all my fears
I've been thinking all god damn day about everything, or trying to think I should say. Nothing seems in order in my head right now. This has just drained me. I'm afraid that I wont be ready on time. I can't screw this up again. I will never forgive myself. No one else plays a part in this. It's me and me alone. It is poisoning my mind and there is no cure. Years ago I left to pursue a dream, but was trapped in my world for so long that I had nothing to go back to. No friends, no memories, no past. Now, I am surrounded by people and love, yet I feel alone. No one fully grasps this, no one fully understands what is going on in me. They are trying and I love them for it, but they will never fully understand.
I have decided to do this. To take my chances. I mean we are only given so many chances in life, the best we can do is grab them before they are gone. I'd rather make a mistake and learn from it, than wonder about the "what if" that will hang on my neck. If they love me they will understand. If they are true they will be there for me, and support me and wait for me. Yet still the fear is lurking . I love what I have here. But to be true to myself I need to do this. For me, this is my life.
Since we've been kids we have always been taught to follow our hearts and our dreams. That doing so, will bring us true happiness and content. But no one ever tells you how hard it is, and how much you need to sacrifice. No one ever tells how you will change and how much pain you will go through. No one ever tells you what it's like to fight for your dream, and your being.
This is making me stronger, I just need to let it fully take over me.
I have decided to do this. To take my chances. I mean we are only given so many chances in life, the best we can do is grab them before they are gone. I'd rather make a mistake and learn from it, than wonder about the "what if" that will hang on my neck. If they love me they will understand. If they are true they will be there for me, and support me and wait for me. Yet still the fear is lurking . I love what I have here. But to be true to myself I need to do this. For me, this is my life.
Since we've been kids we have always been taught to follow our hearts and our dreams. That doing so, will bring us true happiness and content. But no one ever tells you how hard it is, and how much you need to sacrifice. No one ever tells how you will change and how much pain you will go through. No one ever tells you what it's like to fight for your dream, and your being.
This is making me stronger, I just need to let it fully take over me.