Thinking back...
I may not be a flawless person, and neither am I a perfectionist. Sometimes, some friends just don't click. It takes two hands to clap. Perhaps, you're just not that hand. Sometimes, it's really not that I do not treat you as a friend. Have you ever thought about the conversations we had? All you did was ramble on and on about your personal life. Have you ever thought I may not have an interest in it at all. If you have an issue with what's going on with your life, instead of rambling to the wrong person, why not try to resolve the matter?
I mean, I can be a great listener if I want to. There's a limit to everything, including my "good" listening skills. I can shut off immediately once anyone starts rambling the same thing over and over again. Sure, I can ramble a lot too. I'm not saying that I don't ramble but I know who to talk to about. There are friends that I can tell every single life details of mine about and still able to joke around with them, because I know I can trust them and they trust me enough. There are friends that there are just jokes but we have fun in the conversations. It's all about chemistry and compromising. We all come from different backgrounds, and I am blessed with parents who loves me for who I am and cares for me.
I was reading an old friend's blog (I'm not sure if I could even call her a friend because there was a lot of issues and I never contacted her anymore...She still owes me stuff though), and I was thinking...bitch...why the fuck are you so fucking negative? (Pardon my language) I got really angry and irritated. All I was processing in my brain was "Woman, seriously. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BLAMING PEOPLE?" And I thought back to why I left her and mutual friends of ours. (They were being sons of bitches to me too, so whatever)
It really got me thinking, why was I so childish to think they were my friends. Apparently they never treated me as one. Why? I was there for them, they weren't there for me. Sure, they listened to my problems but they never made it better. In the end, I was ostracized. It was ridiculous. I left them because they were the worst friends I made. After I left them, I never felt so free. My heart felt really light, and I stopped crying over them. You know, true best friends will never make you cry. (Well, I have an exception for a friend but we're still best friends till this day because we love each other lol)
If you feel so burdened over the friendship, just leave the person/people because they are not worth your attention. I think leaving that bunch of people was the best decision I ever made. I'm not saying that they are absolutely horrible. (Feel free to be friends with them if you want, I don't care) All I am saying is that we just never clicked as friends. Sure, we had our jokes but I found them crude over the time. I found them leading me astray. I found myself so vulgar. (I used vulgarities till this day but at least I do not speak as crudely as before)
Personally, I did not like the large cliques I had, it was too massive and overwhelming to care and now I realised that no one gave a damn about it. We were together as friends because we have this one common interest: animanga/cosplay. That was the only thing that tied us together as a clique. I mean, sure...with that one common interest, making friends is easy. To have lifelong friends is another issue. I may not be the best friend someone could have, at least I try to be one. I give my care and support, that's what friendship is about. Never mind the different views blahblahblah, the different opinions is what ties a friendship imo. I grew up and kept a couple of friends close, and you know what? I never cried over anything we discussed about at all. I am extremely happy everytime I communicate with them. I can pour my heart out without feeling that I'm being judged or thinking that I'm annoying them with all my shit. They accept for who I am, and I'm sure that's what everyone wants in a friend.
I do have to bring up the fact that I am socially awkward. I cannot communicate very well with certain people. I cannot stand elitists (I have a couple of them in my school, and I detest them). I think, if you wanna be friends with me, you have to make me feel really comfortable talking to you. You do not need to talk to me about anime, we can talk about life. (I talk to my twitter friends about dirty jokes, or more like they pour dirty jokes on me because I'm such a prune lol)
Point is, I think letting go of that anger would be the best. I can tell you, I never mistreated you. Sure, I've talked bad behind your back, because you really sucked in my point of view. And you dare to bloody say that you never talked bad behind my back. HAH. I know who you are and what kind of person you are. You see, I've forgiven you and let go of this anger I felt around you. I've been so much happier ever since.
Anyway, thanks for reading my horrendously long ramble. It's just a little thought of mine...
I mean, I can be a great listener if I want to. There's a limit to everything, including my "good" listening skills. I can shut off immediately once anyone starts rambling the same thing over and over again. Sure, I can ramble a lot too. I'm not saying that I don't ramble but I know who to talk to about. There are friends that I can tell every single life details of mine about and still able to joke around with them, because I know I can trust them and they trust me enough. There are friends that there are just jokes but we have fun in the conversations. It's all about chemistry and compromising. We all come from different backgrounds, and I am blessed with parents who loves me for who I am and cares for me.
I was reading an old friend's blog (I'm not sure if I could even call her a friend because there was a lot of issues and I never contacted her anymore...She still owes me stuff though), and I was thinking...bitch...why the fuck are you so fucking negative? (Pardon my language) I got really angry and irritated. All I was processing in my brain was "Woman, seriously. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BLAMING PEOPLE?" And I thought back to why I left her and mutual friends of ours. (They were being sons of bitches to me too, so whatever)
It really got me thinking, why was I so childish to think they were my friends. Apparently they never treated me as one. Why? I was there for them, they weren't there for me. Sure, they listened to my problems but they never made it better. In the end, I was ostracized. It was ridiculous. I left them because they were the worst friends I made. After I left them, I never felt so free. My heart felt really light, and I stopped crying over them. You know, true best friends will never make you cry. (Well, I have an exception for a friend but we're still best friends till this day because we love each other lol)
If you feel so burdened over the friendship, just leave the person/people because they are not worth your attention. I think leaving that bunch of people was the best decision I ever made. I'm not saying that they are absolutely horrible. (Feel free to be friends with them if you want, I don't care) All I am saying is that we just never clicked as friends. Sure, we had our jokes but I found them crude over the time. I found them leading me astray. I found myself so vulgar. (I used vulgarities till this day but at least I do not speak as crudely as before)
Personally, I did not like the large cliques I had, it was too massive and overwhelming to care and now I realised that no one gave a damn about it. We were together as friends because we have this one common interest: animanga/cosplay. That was the only thing that tied us together as a clique. I mean, sure...with that one common interest, making friends is easy. To have lifelong friends is another issue. I may not be the best friend someone could have, at least I try to be one. I give my care and support, that's what friendship is about. Never mind the different views blahblahblah, the different opinions is what ties a friendship imo. I grew up and kept a couple of friends close, and you know what? I never cried over anything we discussed about at all. I am extremely happy everytime I communicate with them. I can pour my heart out without feeling that I'm being judged or thinking that I'm annoying them with all my shit. They accept for who I am, and I'm sure that's what everyone wants in a friend.
I do have to bring up the fact that I am socially awkward. I cannot communicate very well with certain people. I cannot stand elitists (I have a couple of them in my school, and I detest them). I think, if you wanna be friends with me, you have to make me feel really comfortable talking to you. You do not need to talk to me about anime, we can talk about life. (I talk to my twitter friends about dirty jokes, or more like they pour dirty jokes on me because I'm such a prune lol)
Point is, I think letting go of that anger would be the best. I can tell you, I never mistreated you. Sure, I've talked bad behind your back, because you really sucked in my point of view. And you dare to bloody say that you never talked bad behind my back. HAH. I know who you are and what kind of person you are. You see, I've forgiven you and let go of this anger I felt around you. I've been so much happier ever since.
Anyway, thanks for reading my horrendously long ramble. It's just a little thought of mine...