(no subject)
everything is miserable, everything is miserable. I don't really care though, I guess? I guess I'm kind of heartless. nothing seems to matter to me, nothing seems to phase me. I'll cry about it for maybe a minute, then feel nothing. last night as I walked out of the garage I could have been crying a river for a split second, but then I just drove home, staring out at nothing and I remember my exact thoughts were: oh well, I don't really give a fuck about any of these people, they don't matter to me, and I won't see them ever again by this time next year, so I really don't care who I hurt or who hurts me. none of it matters.
regardless, I really do love some people, you know who you are. but honestly I just want to get the fuck out of here and start a completely different life, where I can be happy. I know I won't be here. I'm sick of people who pretend they don't care about a thing, I'm sick of people who choose not to put in any effort. more than anything, I am sick of waiting around for people. oh yeah, I like you but I'll just fuck around with you for a little bit until I get bored and decide I don't want a relationship - yeah that won't affect me in anyway at all, because I don't have emotions. oh yeah, we'll hang out, just as soon as I'm not busy with all of my other friends who are more important than you. yeah, I love you but I have a girlfriend but I'll continue to tell you all the things you want to hear that mean nothing. oh yeah, let's be friends but I'll never talk to you. oh yeah, you matter. no. FUCK OFF!
anyway, not everything is bad. in the process of finding a new job, for real this time! opened a new bank account, and I'm starting to save more money, and got a new debit card. one resolution done already, I just need to keep it up. decided to cover "hello I'm in Delaware" by city and colour, listen to it! I'm excited. and I get to go shopping with my alexa on sunday! it's been too long since I've seen her. although, in a few weeks a lot of things will change. good/bad? probably bad, but whatever!
regardless, I really do love some people, you know who you are. but honestly I just want to get the fuck out of here and start a completely different life, where I can be happy. I know I won't be here. I'm sick of people who pretend they don't care about a thing, I'm sick of people who choose not to put in any effort. more than anything, I am sick of waiting around for people. oh yeah, I like you but I'll just fuck around with you for a little bit until I get bored and decide I don't want a relationship - yeah that won't affect me in anyway at all, because I don't have emotions. oh yeah, we'll hang out, just as soon as I'm not busy with all of my other friends who are more important than you. yeah, I love you but I have a girlfriend but I'll continue to tell you all the things you want to hear that mean nothing. oh yeah, let's be friends but I'll never talk to you. oh yeah, you matter. no. FUCK OFF!
anyway, not everything is bad. in the process of finding a new job, for real this time! opened a new bank account, and I'm starting to save more money, and got a new debit card. one resolution done already, I just need to keep it up. decided to cover "hello I'm in Delaware" by city and colour, listen to it! I'm excited. and I get to go shopping with my alexa on sunday! it's been too long since I've seen her. although, in a few weeks a lot of things will change. good/bad? probably bad, but whatever!