... Drive
Jon left at 5:15 am on Monday October 18th 2010 for Afghanistan. That moment, the moment I hugged and kissed him for the last time until his return home, will be forever frozen in my memory. I'm losing my drive. My drive to do the most normal of actions. To do the most natural of things life involves. I want to crawl into a dark cave, forget I exist, and fade into the black... I'm not getting enough sleep. Why- because I'm tormenting myself. I don't think self loathing becomes me, but I'm allowing it nonetheless... (What better way for a narcoleptic to display self destructive behavior than to hold back from sleep...) I had a panic attack the day before Jon was deployed. I knew that when my Dad arrived in Ft. Bragg (to help me clean the apartment after Jon left out) that I only had about 12 hours left with him.(I can't take anything for panic attacks because it will cancel out my narcolepsy medication, so I'm rather screwed on that one...) I miss hearing his voice. I'm used to not seeing him for about a month at a time because of his job, but I'm used to talking to him on a daily basis... I do believe I'm losing it... (If you find it, let me know so I can have it back please...) I've gotta go live my hectic life... *God help me...*