Its Times Like these....
Its times like these that I wish I could have a fast forward and rewind button in my life. If I could go back to the days when all the brothers and sisters were in the house... and appreciate its greatness..... I may feel peace today.
But since this is not reality, and life is unfair I somehow got the card to continue living while my dear brother, friend, and role model was dealt a different card on November 7th 2010.
Association is the hardest thing. With a date, pictures, memories, specifics like newspapers, alaska, and general things that come up in conversation. Everything reminds me of him.
It hurts me dearly to know I will never be able to hold a conversation with him and have him put me at ease on all the things I consider a big deal, he made seem like a piece of cake. Makes it all so simple. I wish I had the ability to do that. TO not sweat the small stuff, to make each thing in life an adventure, and to live it to the fullest, but some of us are more gifted than others.
He made everything an adventure. His life was a giant one. He fulfilled it. I will never be able to accomplish as many things in my lifetime,...that he has in his short 24 years of life. It hurts.
I got an email from a former friend of his, someone he had a business with dealing with children and gymnastics, Just like jack to be doing something for the kids. It was a nice email. It helped me believe in the bond we had more strongly then the belief I had before.
I could open up to him and never be judged which was the best part. I could tell him anything. With all the hardships i've been faced, he never judged me for them...which was one of the best characteristics of him. He would be there for anyone before they even knew his name. It didnt matter who it was as long as he was helping someone with that gorgeous smile he always had.
Growing up throughout the years with him always being the older brother,... made things difficult because he of course always thought he was right...and me being the stubborn "stick it to the man" type of person I am.... I always thought I was right. Which made us always have something to talk about. BUt of course when joe and jack would but heads, I always went on jacks side of the arguement just because I thought it was the "cool" thing to do.
I think about the times we spent digging all the way to china in our sandbox and swinging on the swing set. The walks and wagon rides down to the river to feed the ducks and our once in a while walk to dq to get ice cream... the best treat! I think about the many times I spent down at cat tail trail days helping him sell the amery newspaper along with stickynotes and note pads right infront of the amery free press. We always did go in and visit jerry. I remember the millions of times we went to jerry's house to go sledding and the times my dad would take us ice fishing out on the lake. One time nichole and him fell in by the culvert,...jack helped get her out. I remember the times that we spent at sues house out on the pontoon and floating around in north twin. Laying in the hammock talking about stupid things in the back yard. I miss those days. Prancie.
I think about the times we spent playing baseball in the back yard and "helping" mom with the garden. I think about the easter egg hunts,...in which him and I talked about not to long ago, how we really should have had another one even though we are all grown up. I never ever did find that golden egg.
The times spent learning all the things my mother taught us through flash cards and games. The jungle gym in the basement and all the random adventures we always had. I think back to the day that Sue and Jerry moved out of their house and we finally got their play fort that they had in their back yard and moved it into ours. I remember the countless hours spent playing sega game gear and that game he had called "shenoby"(not sure of the spelling)
It was this ninja game and we would all want to take turns playing it because my sisters and myself all had the same games but jack had a different one. He always was the unique one.
It was the funnest game to play.
The many christmas's that we spent eating my moms sugary treats and cookies. He loved the buttercups, almost as much as Sarah Anderson did. :-)
As we all got older we were all still very close. We started building friendships and became involved in sports and activities.... but nothing stopped us all from continuing to gather.
Nichole got jack involved in tennis ... and he became really good at at. He spent countless hours playing tennis and started growing taller and thinner,....not so beefy anymore.
He was a senior when I entered freshman year. He was one of the only "big kids" i new at that point first entering the big amery high school as a lil freshy fresh. But he still talked to me daily I can still picture right exactly where his locker was. I can picturing him strolling around with that weird stride he had whistling as he walked. It always made me shake my head and giggle alittle bit. Along with making me picture his dad.
I have many memories of him during my high school career. Many involved around cocktail hour at so and so's house here or there or random nights we would drive around in that stupid lil green car that no one could even fit in because of all the shit he always had in it. I remember a time he decided to take on a mystery shopping job and made me go with him to the mcdonalds in turtle lake. He also let me drive that stick shift,...never was good at it.
I remember a time he picked jason and I up from st. josephs before religious education to drive around, we ended up getting lost in the back woods of amery and we were late to our religious education class.
The many nights we spent out in the front of jerry's yard talking and laughing amongst others around the fire.
THe many nights we spent in jerry's basement,.... laughing and talking amongst others.
These make me smile now.
State tennis, even though he was unity's coach... he was my brother. Therefore he would give me tips and hints on how to beat his girls. It did end up working a couple times in which I will always thank him for. I always hated those unity girls so much just because jack was their coach...when he should have been mine. The time I convinced the tennis girl we should window chalk jack's car while he was working at the ria. We ended up spelling "trator" wrong... and it went in the newspaper. Just like a lot of things did.
The theatre, one of his many projects. Oh the crazy memories at the theater. I just loved knowing that no matter how much my mom refused me to go out and have fun if I said i was going to the theater cause jack and joe would be there, she automatically assumed it was a save place for me to go. which of course it was always safe :-) but quite the adventure. The many midnight showings after hours and night festivities that happened at the theatre.
Oh how i miss those days.
He had his struggles,...but got through them like i never thought possible. He always was so positive.
I remember when Tom passed away.... all the details he shared with me about that. Wasn't very pleasant but yet he tried to be upbeat and stay positive.
Or the time he help a man in his arms after the man had gotten in an accident.
For christ sake he donated his own to give a girl he didnt even know... life.
Its just not fair, Its just not right. None of this makes any sense.
After the wake I went to the bar shared memories cocktails and laughs with jacks friends. It helped to know he was loved by so many. I then went my way down to the South Twin lake after bar close to look for my own answers. I spent a couple hours after bar close walking around by the grass and rocks... looking for tire marks on the road and in the grass. There was nothing. I walked in the road pretending to be the explorer trying to use all possibilites on the way it could have went down that night. None of makes any sense. I'm not sure it ever will. For as dark as it was at 3 am... it was so bright out there. That was the weirdest part. The lights glistened of the lake so beautiful. Their was a brisk chill in the wind, but yet I was warm. In the dark of the water I saw a penny. It was the shiniest penny I have ever seen.
I want to say its a lucky one.
I know he would never in a million years want me to be sad. I keep hearing this from everyone. But I am. I now he would never in a million years want me to be pissed. I keep hearing this from everyone. But I am.
I want answers. Something to prove to me that this is real. I want something.
No One is Immune to the Trials and Tribulations of Life. This i'm learning to much.
It was all too short of time.
I continue to search my blurred memory for memories of which I can share,..I know i'm missing a million and one. None of my memories and stories will ever describe or begin to explain how great of a man we all got to know and love. None of them will ever bring him back or make me feel better about any of what happened last sunday , early morning. I can't say goodbye to him, I can't even say see you later.
I just really want him back.
But since this is not reality, and life is unfair I somehow got the card to continue living while my dear brother, friend, and role model was dealt a different card on November 7th 2010.
Association is the hardest thing. With a date, pictures, memories, specifics like newspapers, alaska, and general things that come up in conversation. Everything reminds me of him.
It hurts me dearly to know I will never be able to hold a conversation with him and have him put me at ease on all the things I consider a big deal, he made seem like a piece of cake. Makes it all so simple. I wish I had the ability to do that. TO not sweat the small stuff, to make each thing in life an adventure, and to live it to the fullest, but some of us are more gifted than others.
He made everything an adventure. His life was a giant one. He fulfilled it. I will never be able to accomplish as many things in my lifetime,...that he has in his short 24 years of life. It hurts.
I got an email from a former friend of his, someone he had a business with dealing with children and gymnastics, Just like jack to be doing something for the kids. It was a nice email. It helped me believe in the bond we had more strongly then the belief I had before.
I could open up to him and never be judged which was the best part. I could tell him anything. With all the hardships i've been faced, he never judged me for them...which was one of the best characteristics of him. He would be there for anyone before they even knew his name. It didnt matter who it was as long as he was helping someone with that gorgeous smile he always had.
Growing up throughout the years with him always being the older brother,... made things difficult because he of course always thought he was right...and me being the stubborn "stick it to the man" type of person I am.... I always thought I was right. Which made us always have something to talk about. BUt of course when joe and jack would but heads, I always went on jacks side of the arguement just because I thought it was the "cool" thing to do.
I think about the times we spent digging all the way to china in our sandbox and swinging on the swing set. The walks and wagon rides down to the river to feed the ducks and our once in a while walk to dq to get ice cream... the best treat! I think about the many times I spent down at cat tail trail days helping him sell the amery newspaper along with stickynotes and note pads right infront of the amery free press. We always did go in and visit jerry. I remember the millions of times we went to jerry's house to go sledding and the times my dad would take us ice fishing out on the lake. One time nichole and him fell in by the culvert,...jack helped get her out. I remember the times that we spent at sues house out on the pontoon and floating around in north twin. Laying in the hammock talking about stupid things in the back yard. I miss those days. Prancie.
I think about the times we spent playing baseball in the back yard and "helping" mom with the garden. I think about the easter egg hunts,...in which him and I talked about not to long ago, how we really should have had another one even though we are all grown up. I never ever did find that golden egg.
The times spent learning all the things my mother taught us through flash cards and games. The jungle gym in the basement and all the random adventures we always had. I think back to the day that Sue and Jerry moved out of their house and we finally got their play fort that they had in their back yard and moved it into ours. I remember the countless hours spent playing sega game gear and that game he had called "shenoby"(not sure of the spelling)
It was this ninja game and we would all want to take turns playing it because my sisters and myself all had the same games but jack had a different one. He always was the unique one.
It was the funnest game to play.
The many christmas's that we spent eating my moms sugary treats and cookies. He loved the buttercups, almost as much as Sarah Anderson did. :-)
As we all got older we were all still very close. We started building friendships and became involved in sports and activities.... but nothing stopped us all from continuing to gather.
Nichole got jack involved in tennis ... and he became really good at at. He spent countless hours playing tennis and started growing taller and thinner,....not so beefy anymore.
He was a senior when I entered freshman year. He was one of the only "big kids" i new at that point first entering the big amery high school as a lil freshy fresh. But he still talked to me daily I can still picture right exactly where his locker was. I can picturing him strolling around with that weird stride he had whistling as he walked. It always made me shake my head and giggle alittle bit. Along with making me picture his dad.
I have many memories of him during my high school career. Many involved around cocktail hour at so and so's house here or there or random nights we would drive around in that stupid lil green car that no one could even fit in because of all the shit he always had in it. I remember a time he decided to take on a mystery shopping job and made me go with him to the mcdonalds in turtle lake. He also let me drive that stick shift,...never was good at it.
I remember a time he picked jason and I up from st. josephs before religious education to drive around, we ended up getting lost in the back woods of amery and we were late to our religious education class.
The many nights we spent out in the front of jerry's yard talking and laughing amongst others around the fire.
THe many nights we spent in jerry's basement,.... laughing and talking amongst others.
These make me smile now.
State tennis, even though he was unity's coach... he was my brother. Therefore he would give me tips and hints on how to beat his girls. It did end up working a couple times in which I will always thank him for. I always hated those unity girls so much just because jack was their coach...when he should have been mine. The time I convinced the tennis girl we should window chalk jack's car while he was working at the ria. We ended up spelling "trator" wrong... and it went in the newspaper. Just like a lot of things did.
The theatre, one of his many projects. Oh the crazy memories at the theater. I just loved knowing that no matter how much my mom refused me to go out and have fun if I said i was going to the theater cause jack and joe would be there, she automatically assumed it was a save place for me to go. which of course it was always safe :-) but quite the adventure. The many midnight showings after hours and night festivities that happened at the theatre.
Oh how i miss those days.
He had his struggles,...but got through them like i never thought possible. He always was so positive.
I remember when Tom passed away.... all the details he shared with me about that. Wasn't very pleasant but yet he tried to be upbeat and stay positive.
Or the time he help a man in his arms after the man had gotten in an accident.
For christ sake he donated his own to give a girl he didnt even know... life.
Its just not fair, Its just not right. None of this makes any sense.
After the wake I went to the bar shared memories cocktails and laughs with jacks friends. It helped to know he was loved by so many. I then went my way down to the South Twin lake after bar close to look for my own answers. I spent a couple hours after bar close walking around by the grass and rocks... looking for tire marks on the road and in the grass. There was nothing. I walked in the road pretending to be the explorer trying to use all possibilites on the way it could have went down that night. None of makes any sense. I'm not sure it ever will. For as dark as it was at 3 am... it was so bright out there. That was the weirdest part. The lights glistened of the lake so beautiful. Their was a brisk chill in the wind, but yet I was warm. In the dark of the water I saw a penny. It was the shiniest penny I have ever seen.
I want to say its a lucky one.
I know he would never in a million years want me to be sad. I keep hearing this from everyone. But I am. I now he would never in a million years want me to be pissed. I keep hearing this from everyone. But I am.
I want answers. Something to prove to me that this is real. I want something.
No One is Immune to the Trials and Tribulations of Life. This i'm learning to much.
It was all too short of time.
I continue to search my blurred memory for memories of which I can share,..I know i'm missing a million and one. None of my memories and stories will ever describe or begin to explain how great of a man we all got to know and love. None of them will ever bring him back or make me feel better about any of what happened last sunday , early morning. I can't say goodbye to him, I can't even say see you later.
I just really want him back.