What They Deserve Part 8
Very sorry for the delay in posting this. I've actually had this chapter since October of last year, but w/RL I kinda forgot about it.
Author: UncagedMuse a.k.a. raemcn
Pairing: S/B
Rating: NC17 later
Timeline: Post NFA and then back to season 5 of BTVS
Summary: Everyone finally gets what they deserve.
Warning: Lots of Fluff!
Disclaimer: The characters and settings belong to Joss Whedon.
A/N Thanks to my lovely beta, spikeslovebite, for once again making me readable. Any mistakes are my own due to my post beta fiddle.
Chapter 8
To Tell the Truth
Spike’s eyelids began to flutter and his fingers twitched, brushing across something soft and warm as he slowly shrugged off Morpheus’ hold.
“Mmm…could stay here forever,” he rumbled, pressing his lips against the fragrant hair his chin had been resting upon. My Slayer, my Buffy, so perfect.
As a hot mouth caressed his chest, a moan escaped his throat and one arm reflexively tightened, bringing the Slayer’s body flush against his. Winding his other hand in her hair, Spike tilted her face upwards and took possession of her lips.
Finally, flitted across Buffy’s mind as she reveled in the feel of Spike’s sleek, cool form pressed solidly to her. She couldn’t control the blissful sighs that slipped from her as he devoured her mouth like a starving man. Nor did she want to.
Slowly, she slid her thigh over his hip to cradle his cock against her sex as he began rocking back and forth. The sensation of his hardness riding against her clit through their clothing and his lips peppering her face with soft kisses had her begging him never to stop. Never to let her go.
This was truly Heaven. She thought she’d been there before, but she knew the difference now. She knew why she’d been brought back. It had nothing to do with her friend’s selfishness and everything to do with finding her other half. She wouldn’t trade this moment or any other with Spike to go back, even after all the pain and loss she’d suffered.
As quickly as her elation came, it fled, and tears began pooling in Buffy’s eyes. She grasped onto her lover tightly, suddenly afraid he’d be taken away. The Powers That Fuck All had screwed with her life so much, a simple moment of pure happiness sent fear skittering through her system.
Desperation surfaced, coursing through her veins like a living entity as Buffy clawed at Spike’s clothing. She needed to feel all of him, skin to skin, to know it was real. To know he was here with her. To know he wasn’t just a scar left on her hand as a reminder of what she’d thrown away in the past.
“Need you, Spike….please! Love you…can’t lose you again. Never again,” she cried as his thumb and forefinger tweaked her nipple through the cotton of her night shirt.
It was the ‘again’ that told him this wasn’t one of his lusty nighttime forays into dreamland. The ‘never again’ that brought him to full awareness. A cold reminder that Buffy wasn’t herself. That she must be under someone else’s influence to think she’d ever lost him in the first place. His presence in her home was only due to Joyce’s insistence that he shouldn’t be left alone in his crypt while he healed from the patrol in LA.
Spike’s heart broke, splintering into a million jagged pieces and shattering his illusions. Rage took up the void at whoever would be so cruel as to make Buffy believe she loved him. A rigid stillness overtook him and a hurt unlike any he’d ever known seized him in its grip, causing him to lash out.
He couldn’t stop himself from shoving the Slayer onto her back and trapping her wrists in one hand. There was no control as his demon came forward and growled its anger into her stunned face.
“Why!” he snarled, his grip grinding the bones of her wrists together. “Why now, Slayer? Why the tender feelings? What’s changed to allow a pristine little girl like you to want a bloodthirsty demon like me?”
Crystal tears slipped from her lashes, skating down her temples as Buffy trembled in his hold. This was her fault. All this confused fury and pain her beloved was feeling could be placed squarely at her feet. She should have told him from the beginning. Should have believed in him. Should have trusted him above all others.
But that wasn’t the problem. Putting her faith in Spike was never the problem. It all boiled down to her fears. Her inadequate feelings. If she allowed herself to believe in happiness, then surely it would be torn from her, leaving her broken and no good to anyone.
It had always been about having faith in herself.
“Oh, God, Spike! I’m sorry…please…so sorry. It’s all my fault. Can’t do anything right. Never right. Please forgive me,” she sobbed. Buffy knew the only way to fix things, to make their relationship work, would be to finally leave herself vulnerable to another. To be honest and share every bit of herself with the man she loved, as he did her.
The scent of her tears and the sight of his love’s anguished face had the demon inside him cooing as Spike gently caressed her hair, trying to soothe her. He hadn’t meant to scare her or cause her pain. Guilt flooded him when he realized he’d allowed his hostility at whoever had done this to them to take control.
His soft touches and rumbling purr calmed Buffy like nothing else. She looked up, gazing hopefully into Spike’s amber eyes as they glowed with love for her, comforting her even in his angered state.
His punishing hands loosened their hold and she reached up to stroke his brow. The one thing she’d never allowed herself to believe, not even after his death, hit her like a fist, opening her eyes to a truth she had shamefully hidden from.
Spike was the demon. They weren’t separate. Not two beings housed in one body. How had she lived in denial for so long? Even the council had hammered that fact into her brain. When one was made a vampire the human soul left and in its place was nothing but a demon. It wasn’t a human she had fallen in love with, it was a vampire, through and through. Yes, he was a man and not a monster, but that man came in the form of a demon, with William’s personality shaping him into her Spike.
Angel had lied. He had lied because he was terrified of himself and of losing his ideal of her, even though he didn’t see who she truly was. She had blissfully lived with this falsehood, allowing it to color her truths in its misrepresentation even after her love for Angel had died. For a second time, her ability to reject what was so obvious had almost cost her the one thing she needed and loved more than any other.
Never again.
It was time. Time to let the walls fall. Time to be her true self, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and woman. Time to open herself to the pain and be given the gift of an all encompassing love in return. Time to tell the truth.
Spike’s face melted into its human mask as he looked upon his girl begging for forgiveness. Forgiveness for what he had no clue, but the intensity in his Slayer’s eyes as she willingly showed him a side he was positive no one had ever seen only made him love her more.
Bringing both of them into a sitting position in the center of the bed and pulling Buffy into his lap, he listened as she continued bawling her apologies. Bloody well killin’ the bastard that started this and made my Slayer cry.
The second this thought crossed his mind, there was a loud pop and blue smoke shot up from the floor before quickly dissipating, leaving behind a horned demon. Immediately recognizing the ruler of Arashmahar, Spike growled thunderously and placed himself between Buffy and the perceived threat.
“Had to be a soddin’ wish!” Spike roared, leaping forward, prepared to do whatever was necessary to force D’Hoffryn to remove it. A panicky scream stopped him cold just as he pinned the evil demon to the ground.
“Don’t, Spike! He saved you! Saved me. If it weren’t for his intervention, I probably would have given up; maybe let the next demon I came across have its one good day,” Buffy shouted.
It was worse than he imagined. The vengeance wish made her believe she was indebted to the vile creature, most likely to keep the Slayer from ever attempting to reverse it.
“Alright, you wanker, undo it before I rip your soddin’ head off!” Spike snarled as he leaned over the prone form to scrape his sharp fangs across the demon’s cheek.
“Now, now, no reason to get touchy, Mr. Bloody. If I were to take back her wish,” D’Hoffryn jerked his head indicating Buffy, “you’d be dust and she’d be hunting for the biggest, nastiest fight she could find. You know Slayers and that pesky death wish they have.”
“Buffy’d never do that. She’s the strongest person to ever walk this earth. Not to mention, she has all those friends and her family to live for. Girl’s got the biggest pair I’ve ever seen, and the most reasons to hang about. Besides…” Spike smiled ruefully. “She doesn’t give one whit about yours truly. It’s just the wish getting her all buggered up.”
Getting off the bed, Buffy went to Spike and placed her hand on his shoulder to get his attention. She couldn’t bear to hear his self-deprecation any longer. Compelling him to believe her was going to be hard, but whatever it took, she would willingly do.
“Please, Spike, D’Hoffryn’s not lying. Let him up so we can talk and I can explain,” she pleaded.
“Pet.” Spike looked up, eyes softening, and he continued in a conciliatory tone. “If you made a wish, you wouldn’t know the poofter was controlling you, now would you?”
“Oh, great! Now you’re gonna go all Scooby intervention on me, aren’t you? Come on, Spike! I’m not some airheaded moron.” She stomped her foot, pouting.
“Excuse me,” D’Hoffryn interrupted. “It wasn’t that kind of wish. There are no remaining affects on Miss Summers. Her memories were never altered, nor has she been made to believe or feel anything. In fact, the only manipulation was that of time.”
“Hold up…did you say time?” Spike’s eyes blazed and his hands fisted tighter into the flesh of the demon below him. Was this Slayer even his Buffy?
“Yes, but it is not whatever insane idea running amuck in your head that has you ready to rip me apart,” D’Hoffryn sputtered quickly as he tried to placate the irate vampire.
“What’d you do?” Spike ground out through clenched teeth. “Where’d she come from? What dimension did you pull this crazed bint from? Everyone needs their very own Evil Buffy from Psycho Slayerville. Isn’t that the way you vengeance types work?”
“Psycho?” Buffy couldn’t help it as laughter bubbled up to the surface. “Oh, my God, Spike! So, I have to be evil to care about you? That’s the most insane thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth. Conspiracy theory movies much?” she snorted. “Seriously, use your brain! Why the hell would the Grand Poobah of Vengeance bring a crazy slayer here to replace me just to pretend to be in love with you? That totally makes sense in the not really way.”
He knew she was right. The woman before him had done nothing that could be considered the least bit wrong. There was no logical reason behind any of this, but there had been a wish which needed fixing.
“First, I’m gonna tear this git to shreds, and then you need to tell me everything, luv. We need to find a way to get you back where you belong,” Spike said sadly. He knew once everything was put right, this version of Buffy who wanted him would be replaced by the one who couldn’t stand the sight of him. That didn’t matter though. He didn’t want to be loved because of a wish.
“Nope, not going back,” the Slayer told him.
“There is nothing to send back, vampire. The future Slayer’s mind melded with this younger version. They are one in the same, and just so you understand what I am saying, she is the Slayer of this dimension. I did not take her from any other, and I did no harm. It was a deal between her and myself which was mutually beneficial to ease the heartache we suffered for our lost loved ones.” D’Hoffryn laid himself bare, hoping this would make the stubborn demon listen to the Slayer.
“Could you just go so I can tell him what’s what?” Buffy pleaded.
“If that is what you want, Miss Summers. However, if he still believes I have done something nefarious to you, or am manipulating you in any way, ask Anyanka to help find the revealing spell for vengeance demon influence. It is a well kept secret, and when she pretends to not know what you are talking about, tell her ‘Partak demon penises are 16 inches long’.” At Buffy’s grimace of disgust, he waved his hand dismissively. “I know, that’s way too much information, but I had to find a code phrase she would remember. One which would not be brought up in normal conversation by anyone else. Maybe after that is done, your thick headed mate will stop being paranoid.”
“Hey! I’m not-” Spike began to interrupt when suddenly he was holding fistfuls of carpet as D’Hoffryn snapped out of sight.
“He coulda done that any time he wanted, couldn’t he?” Spike groused.
“Yep, pretty much. He was only sticking around to try and help me out.” The Slayer gave him a small grin before her expression turned serious. “Guess it’s time to get with the explaining, huh?”
Spike jumped up and started pacing while running a nervous hand through his bleached locks. His anxiety over the upcoming talk showed in the ticking of his jaw muscles.
“Alright, out with it, pet. Fill in ol’ Spike so we can get this mess figured out, yeah?” His fear made him phrase it more as a question than a demand.
“Could you, umm…I don’t know if…You could hate me! So many things are changing and what if you don’t love me enough yet and if you leave because…I don’t know!” Buffy started crying and slumped to the floor as more jumbled words spilled out between hiccups. “But at least you’d be alive…or undead…or whatever, right? And as long as you’re in the world, that’s a good thing, even if you don’t want to be with me.”
“Calm down, kitten.” Spike went with his heart and picked up the tiny blonde, holding her to his chest as he sat down on the edge of the bed. “You’re not making a lick of sense. Take a deep breath. That’s it, love.”
“Okay,” she mumbled while wiping her nose on the back of her hand and then wiping her hand on her shirt.
Looking up into his fathomless blue eyes, she placed her other hand on his cheek and continued in a stronger voice, even as tears still streamed down her face. “Okay, I can do this. Just…please don’t stop holding me? I think I can get through this if I can stay right here and you don’t interrupt. I know it’ll be hard, but if this is the last time I get to be in your arms…Just promise you’ll let me finish before getting mad and running off. And promise that if you don’t believe me, you’ll let me call Giles and Anya about that reveling spell D’Hoffryn mentioned.”
“Sure.” Spike choked on the lump in his throat, staring into her eyes and seeing the extent of her feelings for him swirling in their depths.
Buffy stroked his face softly, unwilling to look away or stop the next words out of her mouth at the love plainly written on his face.
“Remember, above everything else I’m about to tell you, that I love you. I love you more than I can ever hope to express. I love all of you, man, demon, poet, every part.”
“Oh, God, Buffy,” he cried. Raw emotion flitted across his face and he was completely unable to stop his lips from crashing down upon hers in a fiery kiss full of passion.
“Did you say poet?” Spike jerked away, practically shouting when it registered.
The Slayer clutched at his shoulders, dragging in deep breaths and forcing herself to get back to her explanation.
“Yeah, that’s part of what I’m going to tell you, and it’s going to take a long time, so I should get with it,” she panted.
“Right, let’s get started then.”
TBC
Author: UncagedMuse a.k.a. raemcn
Pairing: S/B
Rating: NC17 later
Timeline: Post NFA and then back to season 5 of BTVS
Summary: Everyone finally gets what they deserve.
Warning: Lots of Fluff!
Disclaimer: The characters and settings belong to Joss Whedon.
A/N Thanks to my lovely beta, spikeslovebite, for once again making me readable. Any mistakes are my own due to my post beta fiddle.
Chapter 8
To Tell the Truth
Spike’s eyelids began to flutter and his fingers twitched, brushing across something soft and warm as he slowly shrugged off Morpheus’ hold.
“Mmm…could stay here forever,” he rumbled, pressing his lips against the fragrant hair his chin had been resting upon. My Slayer, my Buffy, so perfect.
As a hot mouth caressed his chest, a moan escaped his throat and one arm reflexively tightened, bringing the Slayer’s body flush against his. Winding his other hand in her hair, Spike tilted her face upwards and took possession of her lips.
Finally, flitted across Buffy’s mind as she reveled in the feel of Spike’s sleek, cool form pressed solidly to her. She couldn’t control the blissful sighs that slipped from her as he devoured her mouth like a starving man. Nor did she want to.
Slowly, she slid her thigh over his hip to cradle his cock against her sex as he began rocking back and forth. The sensation of his hardness riding against her clit through their clothing and his lips peppering her face with soft kisses had her begging him never to stop. Never to let her go.
This was truly Heaven. She thought she’d been there before, but she knew the difference now. She knew why she’d been brought back. It had nothing to do with her friend’s selfishness and everything to do with finding her other half. She wouldn’t trade this moment or any other with Spike to go back, even after all the pain and loss she’d suffered.
As quickly as her elation came, it fled, and tears began pooling in Buffy’s eyes. She grasped onto her lover tightly, suddenly afraid he’d be taken away. The Powers That Fuck All had screwed with her life so much, a simple moment of pure happiness sent fear skittering through her system.
Desperation surfaced, coursing through her veins like a living entity as Buffy clawed at Spike’s clothing. She needed to feel all of him, skin to skin, to know it was real. To know he was here with her. To know he wasn’t just a scar left on her hand as a reminder of what she’d thrown away in the past.
“Need you, Spike….please! Love you…can’t lose you again. Never again,” she cried as his thumb and forefinger tweaked her nipple through the cotton of her night shirt.
It was the ‘again’ that told him this wasn’t one of his lusty nighttime forays into dreamland. The ‘never again’ that brought him to full awareness. A cold reminder that Buffy wasn’t herself. That she must be under someone else’s influence to think she’d ever lost him in the first place. His presence in her home was only due to Joyce’s insistence that he shouldn’t be left alone in his crypt while he healed from the patrol in LA.
Spike’s heart broke, splintering into a million jagged pieces and shattering his illusions. Rage took up the void at whoever would be so cruel as to make Buffy believe she loved him. A rigid stillness overtook him and a hurt unlike any he’d ever known seized him in its grip, causing him to lash out.
He couldn’t stop himself from shoving the Slayer onto her back and trapping her wrists in one hand. There was no control as his demon came forward and growled its anger into her stunned face.
“Why!” he snarled, his grip grinding the bones of her wrists together. “Why now, Slayer? Why the tender feelings? What’s changed to allow a pristine little girl like you to want a bloodthirsty demon like me?”
Crystal tears slipped from her lashes, skating down her temples as Buffy trembled in his hold. This was her fault. All this confused fury and pain her beloved was feeling could be placed squarely at her feet. She should have told him from the beginning. Should have believed in him. Should have trusted him above all others.
But that wasn’t the problem. Putting her faith in Spike was never the problem. It all boiled down to her fears. Her inadequate feelings. If she allowed herself to believe in happiness, then surely it would be torn from her, leaving her broken and no good to anyone.
It had always been about having faith in herself.
“Oh, God, Spike! I’m sorry…please…so sorry. It’s all my fault. Can’t do anything right. Never right. Please forgive me,” she sobbed. Buffy knew the only way to fix things, to make their relationship work, would be to finally leave herself vulnerable to another. To be honest and share every bit of herself with the man she loved, as he did her.
The scent of her tears and the sight of his love’s anguished face had the demon inside him cooing as Spike gently caressed her hair, trying to soothe her. He hadn’t meant to scare her or cause her pain. Guilt flooded him when he realized he’d allowed his hostility at whoever had done this to them to take control.
His soft touches and rumbling purr calmed Buffy like nothing else. She looked up, gazing hopefully into Spike’s amber eyes as they glowed with love for her, comforting her even in his angered state.
His punishing hands loosened their hold and she reached up to stroke his brow. The one thing she’d never allowed herself to believe, not even after his death, hit her like a fist, opening her eyes to a truth she had shamefully hidden from.
Spike was the demon. They weren’t separate. Not two beings housed in one body. How had she lived in denial for so long? Even the council had hammered that fact into her brain. When one was made a vampire the human soul left and in its place was nothing but a demon. It wasn’t a human she had fallen in love with, it was a vampire, through and through. Yes, he was a man and not a monster, but that man came in the form of a demon, with William’s personality shaping him into her Spike.
Angel had lied. He had lied because he was terrified of himself and of losing his ideal of her, even though he didn’t see who she truly was. She had blissfully lived with this falsehood, allowing it to color her truths in its misrepresentation even after her love for Angel had died. For a second time, her ability to reject what was so obvious had almost cost her the one thing she needed and loved more than any other.
Never again.
It was time. Time to let the walls fall. Time to be her true self, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and woman. Time to open herself to the pain and be given the gift of an all encompassing love in return. Time to tell the truth.
Spike’s face melted into its human mask as he looked upon his girl begging for forgiveness. Forgiveness for what he had no clue, but the intensity in his Slayer’s eyes as she willingly showed him a side he was positive no one had ever seen only made him love her more.
Bringing both of them into a sitting position in the center of the bed and pulling Buffy into his lap, he listened as she continued bawling her apologies. Bloody well killin’ the bastard that started this and made my Slayer cry.
The second this thought crossed his mind, there was a loud pop and blue smoke shot up from the floor before quickly dissipating, leaving behind a horned demon. Immediately recognizing the ruler of Arashmahar, Spike growled thunderously and placed himself between Buffy and the perceived threat.
“Had to be a soddin’ wish!” Spike roared, leaping forward, prepared to do whatever was necessary to force D’Hoffryn to remove it. A panicky scream stopped him cold just as he pinned the evil demon to the ground.
“Don’t, Spike! He saved you! Saved me. If it weren’t for his intervention, I probably would have given up; maybe let the next demon I came across have its one good day,” Buffy shouted.
It was worse than he imagined. The vengeance wish made her believe she was indebted to the vile creature, most likely to keep the Slayer from ever attempting to reverse it.
“Alright, you wanker, undo it before I rip your soddin’ head off!” Spike snarled as he leaned over the prone form to scrape his sharp fangs across the demon’s cheek.
“Now, now, no reason to get touchy, Mr. Bloody. If I were to take back her wish,” D’Hoffryn jerked his head indicating Buffy, “you’d be dust and she’d be hunting for the biggest, nastiest fight she could find. You know Slayers and that pesky death wish they have.”
“Buffy’d never do that. She’s the strongest person to ever walk this earth. Not to mention, she has all those friends and her family to live for. Girl’s got the biggest pair I’ve ever seen, and the most reasons to hang about. Besides…” Spike smiled ruefully. “She doesn’t give one whit about yours truly. It’s just the wish getting her all buggered up.”
Getting off the bed, Buffy went to Spike and placed her hand on his shoulder to get his attention. She couldn’t bear to hear his self-deprecation any longer. Compelling him to believe her was going to be hard, but whatever it took, she would willingly do.
“Please, Spike, D’Hoffryn’s not lying. Let him up so we can talk and I can explain,” she pleaded.
“Pet.” Spike looked up, eyes softening, and he continued in a conciliatory tone. “If you made a wish, you wouldn’t know the poofter was controlling you, now would you?”
“Oh, great! Now you’re gonna go all Scooby intervention on me, aren’t you? Come on, Spike! I’m not some airheaded moron.” She stomped her foot, pouting.
“Excuse me,” D’Hoffryn interrupted. “It wasn’t that kind of wish. There are no remaining affects on Miss Summers. Her memories were never altered, nor has she been made to believe or feel anything. In fact, the only manipulation was that of time.”
“Hold up…did you say time?” Spike’s eyes blazed and his hands fisted tighter into the flesh of the demon below him. Was this Slayer even his Buffy?
“Yes, but it is not whatever insane idea running amuck in your head that has you ready to rip me apart,” D’Hoffryn sputtered quickly as he tried to placate the irate vampire.
“What’d you do?” Spike ground out through clenched teeth. “Where’d she come from? What dimension did you pull this crazed bint from? Everyone needs their very own Evil Buffy from Psycho Slayerville. Isn’t that the way you vengeance types work?”
“Psycho?” Buffy couldn’t help it as laughter bubbled up to the surface. “Oh, my God, Spike! So, I have to be evil to care about you? That’s the most insane thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth. Conspiracy theory movies much?” she snorted. “Seriously, use your brain! Why the hell would the Grand Poobah of Vengeance bring a crazy slayer here to replace me just to pretend to be in love with you? That totally makes sense in the not really way.”
He knew she was right. The woman before him had done nothing that could be considered the least bit wrong. There was no logical reason behind any of this, but there had been a wish which needed fixing.
“First, I’m gonna tear this git to shreds, and then you need to tell me everything, luv. We need to find a way to get you back where you belong,” Spike said sadly. He knew once everything was put right, this version of Buffy who wanted him would be replaced by the one who couldn’t stand the sight of him. That didn’t matter though. He didn’t want to be loved because of a wish.
“Nope, not going back,” the Slayer told him.
“There is nothing to send back, vampire. The future Slayer’s mind melded with this younger version. They are one in the same, and just so you understand what I am saying, she is the Slayer of this dimension. I did not take her from any other, and I did no harm. It was a deal between her and myself which was mutually beneficial to ease the heartache we suffered for our lost loved ones.” D’Hoffryn laid himself bare, hoping this would make the stubborn demon listen to the Slayer.
“Could you just go so I can tell him what’s what?” Buffy pleaded.
“If that is what you want, Miss Summers. However, if he still believes I have done something nefarious to you, or am manipulating you in any way, ask Anyanka to help find the revealing spell for vengeance demon influence. It is a well kept secret, and when she pretends to not know what you are talking about, tell her ‘Partak demon penises are 16 inches long’.” At Buffy’s grimace of disgust, he waved his hand dismissively. “I know, that’s way too much information, but I had to find a code phrase she would remember. One which would not be brought up in normal conversation by anyone else. Maybe after that is done, your thick headed mate will stop being paranoid.”
“Hey! I’m not-” Spike began to interrupt when suddenly he was holding fistfuls of carpet as D’Hoffryn snapped out of sight.
“He coulda done that any time he wanted, couldn’t he?” Spike groused.
“Yep, pretty much. He was only sticking around to try and help me out.” The Slayer gave him a small grin before her expression turned serious. “Guess it’s time to get with the explaining, huh?”
Spike jumped up and started pacing while running a nervous hand through his bleached locks. His anxiety over the upcoming talk showed in the ticking of his jaw muscles.
“Alright, out with it, pet. Fill in ol’ Spike so we can get this mess figured out, yeah?” His fear made him phrase it more as a question than a demand.
“Could you, umm…I don’t know if…You could hate me! So many things are changing and what if you don’t love me enough yet and if you leave because…I don’t know!” Buffy started crying and slumped to the floor as more jumbled words spilled out between hiccups. “But at least you’d be alive…or undead…or whatever, right? And as long as you’re in the world, that’s a good thing, even if you don’t want to be with me.”
“Calm down, kitten.” Spike went with his heart and picked up the tiny blonde, holding her to his chest as he sat down on the edge of the bed. “You’re not making a lick of sense. Take a deep breath. That’s it, love.”
“Okay,” she mumbled while wiping her nose on the back of her hand and then wiping her hand on her shirt.
Looking up into his fathomless blue eyes, she placed her other hand on his cheek and continued in a stronger voice, even as tears still streamed down her face. “Okay, I can do this. Just…please don’t stop holding me? I think I can get through this if I can stay right here and you don’t interrupt. I know it’ll be hard, but if this is the last time I get to be in your arms…Just promise you’ll let me finish before getting mad and running off. And promise that if you don’t believe me, you’ll let me call Giles and Anya about that reveling spell D’Hoffryn mentioned.”
“Sure.” Spike choked on the lump in his throat, staring into her eyes and seeing the extent of her feelings for him swirling in their depths.
Buffy stroked his face softly, unwilling to look away or stop the next words out of her mouth at the love plainly written on his face.
“Remember, above everything else I’m about to tell you, that I love you. I love you more than I can ever hope to express. I love all of you, man, demon, poet, every part.”
“Oh, God, Buffy,” he cried. Raw emotion flitted across his face and he was completely unable to stop his lips from crashing down upon hers in a fiery kiss full of passion.
“Did you say poet?” Spike jerked away, practically shouting when it registered.
The Slayer clutched at his shoulders, dragging in deep breaths and forcing herself to get back to her explanation.
“Yeah, that’s part of what I’m going to tell you, and it’s going to take a long time, so I should get with it,” she panted.
“Right, let’s get started then.”
TBC