(no subject)
I just sat there at my mother's counter yesterday, unsure of how I should react.
I know he should be moving on, I know it's exactly what my mother wanted, I know no matter
how much time had passed I would have still felt the same.
Two months have passed. Our first family holiday without her and I was already depressed.
Yesterday, my step dad started out a conversation like any other we have had over the last 27 years.
I didn't like the ending. He told me how he had to open up a new savings account because my mom's name
had to be removed from his. He put my step sister on with him. No biggie, no problems with that....however, he
said while they were in the bank, Audrey looked over at him and noticed that his wedding band was gone.
REMOVED.....
Total shock. I could feel my blood pressure rise, and the tears well in my eyes. I had to close my mouth, I realized it was hanging open.
Mixed emotions....Understanding, because he does need to get on with his life. Anger... how could he take it off after so very little time has passed.....Sadness....doesn't he still love her? Why? So soon?
These last two months have been up and down. I have wonderful days and wonderful memories.
I have terrible dreams of sickness and disease.
I giggle one moment because I remember something silly we did, or said, and ball the next because I can't share anymore memories with her.
I feel jealousy towards others because they get to spend the holidays with their mothers, envy because I want the same.
I miss her terribly.
I wear something of hers every day. If not once hers, then the jewelry I put her ashes in.
I carry her on my keys. I talk to her when I drive and find myself holding the cylinder she is contained within.
Foolish? Morbid ?
Nah. Me.
Sad, but will pull through.
Today is her holiday. Every Thanksgiving is hers.
It will be a difficult day, but I'll get through it.
I'll have to create new memories, and hold on to the ones we shared together.
I know he should be moving on, I know it's exactly what my mother wanted, I know no matter
how much time had passed I would have still felt the same.
Two months have passed. Our first family holiday without her and I was already depressed.
Yesterday, my step dad started out a conversation like any other we have had over the last 27 years.
I didn't like the ending. He told me how he had to open up a new savings account because my mom's name
had to be removed from his. He put my step sister on with him. No biggie, no problems with that....however, he
said while they were in the bank, Audrey looked over at him and noticed that his wedding band was gone.
REMOVED.....
Total shock. I could feel my blood pressure rise, and the tears well in my eyes. I had to close my mouth, I realized it was hanging open.
Mixed emotions....Understanding, because he does need to get on with his life. Anger... how could he take it off after so very little time has passed.....Sadness....doesn't he still love her? Why? So soon?
These last two months have been up and down. I have wonderful days and wonderful memories.
I have terrible dreams of sickness and disease.
I giggle one moment because I remember something silly we did, or said, and ball the next because I can't share anymore memories with her.
I feel jealousy towards others because they get to spend the holidays with their mothers, envy because I want the same.
I miss her terribly.
I wear something of hers every day. If not once hers, then the jewelry I put her ashes in.
I carry her on my keys. I talk to her when I drive and find myself holding the cylinder she is contained within.
Foolish? Morbid ?
Nah. Me.
Sad, but will pull through.
Today is her holiday. Every Thanksgiving is hers.
It will be a difficult day, but I'll get through it.
I'll have to create new memories, and hold on to the ones we shared together.