Post-Choir: A Conquering
The Firefox-ometer says it's 49 degrees outside. I have to disagree, because I feel at that temperature I should be able to see my breath, and I was just out there and saw no breath. :P (Though I would believe it's that temperature in my room...brrr!)
So I just had an interesting experience. I mean, interesting overall for me.
Let me preface it by saying that those who know me - those who REALLY know me - know that I'm rather shy. I carry my mother's trait of being much happier around those she knows then those she doesn't. Part of that, something I've struggled with for a long time, is my avoidance of eating alone. I will go to leaps and bounds to not eat alone...or else I just won't eat (I don't know how many times I've done that). I used to do that in the dorm cafe... if I didn't see people I knew, I'd find a corner table, bury myself behind a newspaper (or homework reading if I had it readily available). I never just sat there and ate.
I don't know why. I mean, when I'm eating with a group I never notice the lone eaters unless they're sitting right next to my group (and only then when more of my friends come, we suddenly need added space, and the lone eater is asked to "move down one, please?"). But it's a complex. No, more than that, a flat out fear. I literally hated the thought of having to sit by myself. I mean, what if someone did notice? What if I was dubbed a loser? I actually think those were just surface thoughts, too, 'cause I'm sure my real concerns were deeper than that... but no matter what the case, I just didn't do it. I would have rather starved.
So tonight, for the first time...ever, I think, I went to my new favorite Chinese restaurant near my house, walked in the door and instead of asking them "puedo pedir para llevar?" like I had meant to until the moment I didn't, I told them "Yes, just one" and took a seat.
And it wasn't bad! It wasn't horrible! It (the restaurant) wasn't full, either, so that may have helped. :P
And you know what? It was rather an interesting experience. The Chinese waiters couldn't understand my Spanish, so they had what I can only presume to be the Spanish manager come over. (HE had no problem understanding my order of a copa, an infusion of manzanilla tea and un vasito de agua. :P) And he was really really nice to me. After we got passed the fact that yes, I can speak Spanish (he asked if I wanted an English menu, and I firmly said no), he started talking to me, asking where I was from, whether I was a tourist or studying... This is big stuff, because waiters in Spain don't get tipped like in the US...it's not their job to make nice. :P He kept checking up on me to make sure I had water, "more tea?", etc etc... and not in an obtrusive way either. He even told me that they're having a special dinner with piano music and everything on Christmas Eve for those who are away from their country of origin. (At that point, I got the sense he felt sorry for me, but it's hard to tell...that's a fine line between friendly and sympathetic. :P) And at the end he gave me a wall scroll - a calendar for the upcoming year!
I sat and ate...very properly, 'cause I kept feeling like the staff was eyeing me. Hahaha. But I liked that I could just sip my wine, think to myself, enjoy the phenomenal food (the noodles with chicken soup is fantastic, btw), and ... really soak in how I have never done this before.
You remember that scene in the one episode of Sex in the City where at the end she acts boldly, goes to a cafe, orders her wine and sits there all by herself to prove a point to herself? I think I just did something similar.
Maybe no one will get it. Maybe everyone else eats by themselves all the time. But to me, it was important. To me, it was overcoming a fear. To me, it was facing a challenge and for once not opting for the easy exit (aka either taking the food to go or just not eating). Being as hungry as I was helped, including my desire for both herbal tea and wine, and what better place to get them than a Chinese restaurant? - but also, it was just good to do.
So that's my story for the night. I'm going to hang my wall scroll now. Much love. :)
So I just had an interesting experience. I mean, interesting overall for me.
Let me preface it by saying that those who know me - those who REALLY know me - know that I'm rather shy. I carry my mother's trait of being much happier around those she knows then those she doesn't. Part of that, something I've struggled with for a long time, is my avoidance of eating alone. I will go to leaps and bounds to not eat alone...or else I just won't eat (I don't know how many times I've done that). I used to do that in the dorm cafe... if I didn't see people I knew, I'd find a corner table, bury myself behind a newspaper (or homework reading if I had it readily available). I never just sat there and ate.
I don't know why. I mean, when I'm eating with a group I never notice the lone eaters unless they're sitting right next to my group (and only then when more of my friends come, we suddenly need added space, and the lone eater is asked to "move down one, please?"). But it's a complex. No, more than that, a flat out fear. I literally hated the thought of having to sit by myself. I mean, what if someone did notice? What if I was dubbed a loser? I actually think those were just surface thoughts, too, 'cause I'm sure my real concerns were deeper than that... but no matter what the case, I just didn't do it. I would have rather starved.
So tonight, for the first time...ever, I think, I went to my new favorite Chinese restaurant near my house, walked in the door and instead of asking them "puedo pedir para llevar?" like I had meant to until the moment I didn't, I told them "Yes, just one" and took a seat.
And it wasn't bad! It wasn't horrible! It (the restaurant) wasn't full, either, so that may have helped. :P
And you know what? It was rather an interesting experience. The Chinese waiters couldn't understand my Spanish, so they had what I can only presume to be the Spanish manager come over. (HE had no problem understanding my order of a copa, an infusion of manzanilla tea and un vasito de agua. :P) And he was really really nice to me. After we got passed the fact that yes, I can speak Spanish (he asked if I wanted an English menu, and I firmly said no), he started talking to me, asking where I was from, whether I was a tourist or studying... This is big stuff, because waiters in Spain don't get tipped like in the US...it's not their job to make nice. :P He kept checking up on me to make sure I had water, "more tea?", etc etc... and not in an obtrusive way either. He even told me that they're having a special dinner with piano music and everything on Christmas Eve for those who are away from their country of origin. (At that point, I got the sense he felt sorry for me, but it's hard to tell...that's a fine line between friendly and sympathetic. :P) And at the end he gave me a wall scroll - a calendar for the upcoming year!
I sat and ate...very properly, 'cause I kept feeling like the staff was eyeing me. Hahaha. But I liked that I could just sip my wine, think to myself, enjoy the phenomenal food (the noodles with chicken soup is fantastic, btw), and ... really soak in how I have never done this before.
You remember that scene in the one episode of Sex in the City where at the end she acts boldly, goes to a cafe, orders her wine and sits there all by herself to prove a point to herself? I think I just did something similar.
Maybe no one will get it. Maybe everyone else eats by themselves all the time. But to me, it was important. To me, it was overcoming a fear. To me, it was facing a challenge and for once not opting for the easy exit (aka either taking the food to go or just not eating). Being as hungry as I was helped, including my desire for both herbal tea and wine, and what better place to get them than a Chinese restaurant? - but also, it was just good to do.
So that's my story for the night. I'm going to hang my wall scroll now. Much love. :)