So Take My Hand, Believe Your Man, He'll Be With You Forever And Ever
This one is kind of long....
Chapter 4/?
"Hello?" She closes her eyes at how breathy her voice sounds.
"I can't sleep." His voice is quiet and raspy.
"I can't either."
"Is that why you let the phone ring 8 times?" He jokes gently and the corners of her mouth curve up.
"Did you think that I would be up?"
"I don't know. I kind of hoped that you wouldn't be because I....apparently have no balls and no clue what to say to you."
She doesn't say anything.
"I am sorry that I kissed you."
"Don't be sorry." She hears him groan over the phone.
"I don't know Quinn. What are we doing? What can we do?"
"I don't know. What if this just goes away. What if we just want each other because we can't have each other?"
"Do you really think that's true?"
She shakes her head but then realizes that he can't see it. "No."
He laughs. "Having second thoughts?"
"Maybe. I feel like this could get really complicated."
"Isn't it already?"
"Do you want to make it more complicated?"
"Maybe." She puts her hand over her face. "Lee."
"What?"
She exhales loudly into the phone.
"I thought..."
"That I wanted this?"
"Yeah. I thought that you wanted to get what you want just once."
She suddenly feels very tired, very drained. "What are you saying? Are you going to leave Carrie?"
"Do you want me to?"
"Oh god that makes me sound like a complete bitch. That's my sister."
"I know that. You think I don't know that?"
"I know. And your brother..."
"This sucks." He says plainly and she smiles.
"So what are we going to do?"
"Take it slow?"
"To the point where nothing happens?"
"I think so."
She sinks further into the pillow. "Okay." Her voice is tinted with sadness.
"Okay." He whispers back but neither of them hang up and she falls asleep to the sound of his even breathing.
Quinn tells Carrie that she's done with double dates and Lee tries to delete her number from his phone but can't do it and settles on just not calling her.
She sees Mike almost every day but she still doesn't feel much for him. She makes out with him but stops before it escalates and she knows that she can't keep doing that to him because he does like her, she knows that, she's been told that by him a few times and by Carrie a few thousand times and Quinn likes him just not in that way and she can't make herself feel anymore for him than she already does.
She does know that if she has sex with him, it'll get back to Lee. Mike doesn't seem like the kind of guy that has much discretion and she's already hard all about Lee from Carrie so she guesses that siblings share. It started with a comment about his hands and then she started in on a dozen other things that he's good at and Quinn can't stop herself from listening and she feels like she wants to throw up because she's bent with jealousy.
So maybe she wouldn't care if Mike told him everything because Quinn wants to have some of the painful burden that comes with knowing that the one that you really want is with someone else.
Lee's dreading the day when it finally happens because he's been hearing Mike complain about her stopping him before he can even get her shirt off and all Lee wants to do is tell him to shut up because he doesn't want to hear how far she'll go with him. He can barely feign happiness about that for much longer.
He avoids her like the plague and even when he has to see her, he has dinner at Carrie's moms place and she's there, Lee doesn't look at her once.
Quinn doesn't plan on being there, she's dressed to go out with her friends and Carrie catches her at the bottom of the stairs.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"Out."
"No. You have to stay. You know Lee's coming over."
"Why do I have to be here, he's not my boyfriend."
"You know how mom is about boyfriends."
"No, I don't."
"That's because i've never introduced her to one because she would be terrible. Lee would feel better if you were here."
"I don't think that's true."
"It is. He won't be as intimidated if he knows someone else. This way it won't be just me, Lee, and mom. You'll act as the buffer."
"I can't do that Carrie."
"Why not? Why can't you do this one little thing for me? It'll be fun, please; i'd do it for you." She pleads and Quinn gives in like an idiot and cancels her plans to spend an awkward dinner with Lee.
Carrie is fluttering around te kitchen and the dining room, clearly nervous, trying to make sure everything looks okay and Quinn thinks she needs to relax because it's just Lee. Quinn knows that he's a hundred times more nervous than Carrie is and he doesn't need to be walking into that. She gets the door when he knocks on it, tugging at her clothes and straightening her hair, unconsciously making herself look her best for him and when the door swings open he looks shocked to see her there for just a moment before his eyes drop to his feet.
"I'm sorry that i'm here. I tried not to be. And by the way, Carrie's freaking out so i'm sorry about that too, don't let her make you more nervous. It's fine."
"Oh. Okay." Is all he says and he nods his head. Quinn narrows her eyes then steps aside to let him in.
It's a fairly awkward dinner, quiet, except for Carrie telling her mother how great he is and her mother saying that she's glad that he picked her daughter but Lee doesn't think that she's being honest and he feels like she doesn't mean it and that's uncomfortable in itself and even though he's not looking at Quinn, he can hear her distressed sighs from across the table and she gets up and goes upstairs before dessert.
She's kind of hurt by the way that he acted because there's avoiding her, and there's forgetting her completely and right now it feels like he's forgotten about her because he's not even acknowledging her at all and she doesn't want to think that he got over her that fast or that he's that good at shutting off his feelings so the next time she's with Mike, she doesn't think twice about sleeping with him. She doesn't regret it until after. She never thought that she'd be one of those girls that had sex out of revenge or to heal a hurting heart but that's what she is now. She's a lot of things that she never thought that she would be.
Quinn gets roped into going to one of Lee's shows with Mike and Carrie, it's at a bar and she does slip in easily. They just glance at the ID and pass her through and she sticks close to Mike because he seems so comfortable and in place there and Quinn is definitely not that way. She knows that Lee knows about her and Mike because he really won't look at her. It's a different kind of ignoring, there's more feeling behind it and it actually makes Quinn feel good because it means that he still has some flicker of emotion for her left. He's on stage and Quinn stays quiet and observant of him and the situation and watches every move that Lee makes and when Mike puts his hand on his knee she knows Lee sees that and he looks away fast. But Carrie's also watching him through lust filled eyes and that's when Quinn takes her first sip of beer from Mike's glass and no one stops her so she takes another. It tastes bitter and different and grown up and reckless and by the time he stops playing and joins them at the table she's feeling bad about herself in the best way possible. She find it amusing and funny that, of course she would have an all consuming, life changing, uncontrollable crush on her sisters, very serious, already met the mother, boyfriend and she would some how be tangled up with that guys brother and the whole thing is so absurd and hilarious that she doesn't care that much when Carrie, who's on her way to being drunk, grabs Lee and shoves her tongue down his throat and her jealousy is so stupid and her action of kissing Mike, in almost the exact same way is even more stupid but the small amount of alcohol makes her feel numb and bubbly and she ends up laughing at herself.
Lee watches her, openly for the first time, very carefully and nervously and he knows Quinn hasn't had much before and she's going to hit bottom fast and someone has to be the responsible one, it's not going to be Carrie or Mike because they're even worse than she is and they're currently got two drinks pushed in front of Quinn daring her to drink. It's not his place to step in so he holds off, squirming in his seat and tapping his foot against the base of the stool he's sitting on until finally he slowly slides his arm across the table to get one of the glasses but Carrie grabs his hand before he can get to it.
"That's for Quinn." She slurs out. "That's for my sister." She climbs down off her own stool clumsily and makes her way over to him and Lee keeps her at an arms length at first but she doesn't accept that and pushes her way to him. "She's finally tasting some adult things."
"I don't' think she should go overboard."
"I think she should dive off it. Walk the plank."
"Why am I a pirate?" Quinn yells through a fit of giggles as she almost falls off the chair, Mike catching her in time and she clutches his shoulders to keep herself steady. "Whoa."
"I think maybe we should go." Lee tells the group calmly.
"We just go here and i'm not even drunk yet." Quinn tells him as she takes another sip, one of her hands still on Mike's shoulder.
"We've been here for three hours and the fact that you don't think that you're drunk is proof that you're overly drunk."
"Hey." Mike sounds overly defensive. "Don't use words to prove your point. Don't ell my girlfriend that she's wrong, you're wrong. And she's not a pirate." He says to Carrie and Carrie rolls his eyes as she kisses Lee's cheek.
"Do you even know what you're saying?" Lee asks him as he moves his head back, away from Carrie.
"He's saying that he's my boyfriend." Quinn yells. "He called me his girlfriend so now he's my boyfriend." She takes a long drink from the glass and winces at the taste when it leaves her lips. "Your brother is my boyfriend. How do you feel about that?" She challenges Lee and he doesn't know what to say.
"Why would he care about that?" Carrie asks.
"Because, he...."
"Let's go." Lee cuts her off with a shake of his head. "It's time to go." He stands up, ignoring Carrie's pout, Quinn's eye roll and Mike's obliviousness to it all and throws some money on the table to pay for the drinks before he attempts to lead them all out of the bar.
They kind of scatter when they get out onto the street, Quinn takes Mike's hand and pulls him off to the side and Carrie pulls on Lee's shirt to get him to walk in the direction of his car and Lee makes the decision to get them in a cab because getting them to his car is going to be too hard.
"Let's go home. "
"You're going home."
"No." She gives him a messy kiss and Lee breaks it because all he can taste is alcohol and he's not in the mood. " Come home with me. Then we can have sex."
That gets Quinn's attention. "God Carrie, don't be such a whore, you're on the fucking street."
"At least I have a boyfriend to have sex with."
"Hey." Quinn grabs the front of Mike's shirt and he stumbles forward. "What the fuck is this?"
"That would be nothing without me. You wouldn't have him without me. I set you up."
"Shut up. You think I owe you?"
"Yeah, you owe me a lot and you're so ungrateful."
"You don't even know how to spell ungrateful."
"I'm a lawyer."
"So what? You throw that in my face like you're changing the world or something. Did you know that she couldn't tie her own shoes until she was 13? I think that's why she wears heels all the time. No laces."
Carrie gasps at the omission and lets go of Lee and takes a step towards Quinn. "Did you know that I told Quinn when she was 5 that we were related to the Queen of England and she believed me until she was 10."
"She did a really good British accent." Quinn tells Lee and Lee laughs at her because it's cute. Quinn thinks for a second. Tries to pick an embarrassing memory out of her mind. "One time Carrie went out with a guy and they went to an amusement park and she stuffed her face with fried dough and then she threw up on her date." Carrie goes bright red. "They weren't even on a ride, they were just walking around." Quinn laughs.
"I told you not to tell anyone about that."
"I lied." Quinn shrugs and then Carrie takes a deep breath and looks to Mike and then back to Lee.
"Yeah, well Quinn lost her virginity to a guy that she barely knew in the backseat of his crappy car and then he dumped her ass three hours later."
It's a malicious thing to say and even Mike, whose been staring up at the small bugs and moths that have been swarming at the top of the streetlight, stops what he's doing and stares down at the girls.
Quinn looks close to tears and Carrie looks more than satisfied with the response that she got from her.
"You bitch." Quinn says and Lee's immediately put on edge. He wants the tension to stop and a cab to pull up so he can shove Carrie, Mike, and Quinn into it so he can get the drunks home and mostly he wants the crowd of young, drunk, douchey guys that have gathered around the girls to move the fuck on. He's about to pull Carrie away from Quinn because Quinn looks pissed but before he can reach her Quinn's already pushed her.
"Don't touch me." Carrie yells as she pushes back and the crowd of guys gets closer and more rowdy and Mike's basically joined the crowd so Lee can't count on him to help break them up.
They've been shoving back and forth when Lee steps between them, but that doesn't stop them because they fight through him, almost using him to help their battle, using him as balance as they slap at each other.
"You two need to stop." His voice is strong and authoritative and get's boo's from the crowd, the loudest coming from Mike.
"She shouldn't have said that about me. No one was supposed to know that." Quinn cries.
"I know. That was wrong."
"Why the fuck are you taking her side?" Carrie asks him angrily.
"I'm not taking her side." Lee explains, trying desperately to be the peace keeper. "I'm just saying that you are both totally drunk and saying stupid shit."
"What did I say that was stupid? What she said was so much worse than anything that I said." Quinn yells and Lee sighs in frustration because he won't end this on his own.
"Mike, can you help me, please."
He shakes his head. "Take her top off Quinn."
Both of the girls stop what they're doing and stare at him and Quinn gets back before Carrie does and takes the opportunity to reach out and slap Carrie across the face which illicits some more cheers from the crowd and before Carrie can react at all Lee turns around to face her, his hands on her hips, pushing her back and away from her sister and Mike finally steps forward to hold her back so she can't follow them.
"I can't believe she did that, I can't believe she did that." Carrie repeats over and over again and Lee only nods his head as he tries to get a cab. "Are you going to come home with me now?"
"No."
"Why not?" Carrie whines as Lee waits for a cab to stop and when one does he opens the door and with one hand on her back he guides her into it.
"Because that was a shitty thing for you to say."
"Oh c'mon, she can handle it. For all the crap I give her she is actually a big girl.
"I don't care."
"Don't be mad at me." She says in a sing-song voice as she takes the hem of his shirt in her hand but Lee pulls her off of him and steps away from the cab.
"Go home."
"Lee."
"Go home."
"Will you call me?" Carrie asks him.
"Just.....just go home Carrie." He closes the door and the cab drives off and Lee makes his way back through the dissipating crowd to find Mike and Quinn but he only finds Mike.
"Where the hell is she?"
"She went back into the bar."
"And you let her?"
"I couldn't stop her, she's really strong." He says as he rubs his face.
"She hit you?"
"I might've said something about the backseat of my car."
"That was fucking stupid."
"I thought it was funny."
"You're an ass. Go home."
"But I want her to..."
"She doesn't want to. Get your ass home."
Lee gets back into the bar and finds her sitting at the bar, surrounded by some of the guys that were standing outside. She's taking shots and laughing and Lee walks over and gently grabs her elbow.
"Lee!" She's happy to see him and he has the brief hope that maybe this will be easy.
"Lets get you home."
"No way." She gets her elbow away from him. "This is my fun night and i'm having fun and after what happened out there, i need a drink."
"I think you've had enough."
"Oh please, like i''m supposed to think that you actually care."
"Of course I care. You have to know that I care about you."
"Do I? Do I have to know that? Or do I know that you pretty much don't give a shit until I decide to do this." She knocks back one more shot then grabs the nearest guy to her, he's around 25, blonde, and pulls him in for a drunken kiss.
"Oh my god." Lee pulls her off the stool with his arm around her waist and the other guy knows not to fight back. "What are you doing?"
"Trying to make you jealous because I don't understand how you're not. How are you so fine and all over my sister?"
"I'm not all over her."
"You had sex with her."
"You had sex with Mike."
"So he did tell you."
"Yeah, he did, and he was all....Mike about it and wouldn't shut the fuck up."
"So you were jealous."
"Of course I was."
"Well you could've told me."
"What was I supposed to do? I never saw you."
"And whose fault was that? We both decided to not see each other, we were going to try and see how things went with them."
"And I guess it went pretty well if you're sleeping with him."
"Oh, I only did that to make you jealous."
"Why do you do that? Why are you so focused on making me jealous?"
"Because I love you."
Lee lets go of her and her face goes blank as she sits back down on the stool.
"I didn't mean that. I don't think I meant that. I meant that I like you."
"Quinn." He sounds sad and sympathetic and she doesn't want sympathy, it comes off as condescending to her when she's drunk.
"I don't love you, you dumbass." She hops off the stool and pushes past him, wandering through the bar and he rubs his hand across his face tiredly before he follows her. She's only a few steps away and he takes her hand and she stops. "Do you like me?" She questions.
"Yes."
"Then why did you avoid me like that? You acted like I didn't even exist anymore. Don't you know what that looks like to me? All I was thinking about was how fast you got over me and i'm here sleeping with your brother." She stops and throws her hands over her face. "Oh my god. What the fuck is this anymore? This is stupid. Ugh. Maybe we should just go away from each other because I don't know Lee, I don't know if this is okay. I can't go along with this. So you should just go do your own thing with Carrie, but don't marry her." She says sunddenly and holds his arms tight in her hands. "Don't you even marry her. I can't go to your wedding, I can't even go to her wedding after tonight." She's full on crying now and Lee puts his arms around her and she buries her face into his chest. "Don't marry her."
"I"m not going to marry her. Why would you think that."
"Because, that's what's going to happen. She'd marry you."
"I won't marry her."
She presses her cheek to him so she can talk more clearly. "And we can't ever come back to this bar."
He laughs as he rubs her back. "I don't think that you'll be allowed in any bar for awhile."
"I"m an awful drunk."
"It's not your fault. You don't have much practice."
"Because i'm a child."
"You're not a child. I shouldn't have said that to you."
"But I am. I'm crying in a public place."
He smiles at her. "Then lets go. Let me take you home." She nods and Lee feels like he's breathing for the first time that night.
His car is parked around the block and getting her there is a battle because she wants to stop and talk to everyone and Lee has to drag her along with him and somehow he gets her into his car. By the time he gets around to the drivers side she's got the glove compartment open.
"What are you doing?"
"I don't know." She laughs and he closes the compartment and starts the car. "Where are we going?"
"I'm going back to your house."
"No!" She yells as she grabs desperately at his hands on the steering wheel. "I can't go home."
"Oh, yes you can."
"No. My mom can't know that I drink."
"You clearly don't drink."
"She can't see me drunk, she doesn't even know about the car thing with that guy, she thinks i'm a baby like that, she wants me to grow up and get a life but she doesn't want me to actually do grownup things and I can't go home like this Lee, I can't, and please don't hold it against me that i'm worried about what my mother will do but i'm freaking out and please don't make me go home, please." She begs him and he bites his lip and rests his forehead down on the steering wheel.
"What should I do with you then?"
"Take me to your place."
"How is that any better then going home. You're just not going to show up and that's supposed to make her feel like what? Won't she be worried about you?"
"I'll call her. I'll lie, i'll tell her that i'm staying over a friends house."
"You can barely string a sentence together. She's going to know that you're drunk."
"Not if you help me. Help me and sober me up and tell me what to say, please."
"I don't know if you can be sobered up enough."
"You gotta try."
"Dammit Quinn." He says softly as he puts the car in drive and she bounces in her seat.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you so much."
"Stop doing that, stop bouncing, you're going to throw up."
"Okay, okay." She says as she calms down but she's still talking a mile a minute about everything that's ever happened to her in her life, she lists off all her teachers names from kindergarten to senior year and it amazes him how she can remember all of them now but she can't remember how to get her seatbelt unbuckled when he stops the car as his place.
He has to help her and when he leans across her, she threads her fingers into his hair.
"Your hair is hot."
"Thanks." He mumbles even though he's blushing.
"You like me being nice to you?"
"I don't hate it."
She smiles. "I could be really nice to you." Her voice is quiet and laden with innuendo.
"Okay." He wants to break the mood because nothing is going to happen while she's drunk. "Let's get you inside."
"Okay." She agrees with him and he holds his hand as he walks her up the stairs to his apartment and he lets her lean on him in while he gets the door open.
As soon as she gets inside she's across the room and into the kitchen, opening up his fridge and taking off her shoes at the same time.
"What are you looking for?"
"I need a drink. What's that clear stuff called?"
"You are not drinking anymore."
"You don't have any of that? I'll just settle for a beer." She tells him as she pulls out a bottle out and tries to open the cap on the edge of the counter and he runs over to her.
"Okay, first of all, that's a twist top." He says as he twists off the cap.
"Oh." She laughs and makes a grab for the bottle.
"And you're not having this, you have to call your mom and you're hammered,"
"What's one more drink?"
"A lot." He takes a pull from the bottle.
"You're drinking! Why do you get to drink?"
"Because I fucking need it after the shit that you put me through tonight." He says as he puts the bottle down and gets her a glass of water.
"You're bitchy when you're sober."
"Unbelievable." He says as he hands her the glass and she smiles at him before she takes a drink.
"I want to go to bed."
"You have to call your mother."
"Can you kiss me first?"
"Quinn."
"Just a small one?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because you're drunk."
"If I wasn't drunk would you kiss me?"
He presses his lips together but doesn't say anything and she gets her answer and smirks at him.
"I'd kiss you too." She pats his chest then walks back through the apartment. "I'm tired."
"You mother, call her, I don't need her calling the cops and then someone tells them that the last time they saw you was with me and then they come here and shit goes down."
She stares at him and takes another drink of water. "You really need another drink. Nothing like that is going to happen, why is it so cold in here?" She says randomly as she wraps her arms around herself.
"The air conditioner is on."
"Turn it off."
"It's 95 degrees outside, no way."
"But i'm cold." She whines.
"If I turn it off you'll be hot." His eyes glance down her body by accident and she laughs.
"You checking my out?" She starts to walk towards him and he rolls his eyes as he tries to act like he didn't just get caught. "It's okay if you are." She tells him as she places her hand on his arm. "I'd like it. I'll check you out if you want me to."
"It's.....okay. Not right now."
"C'mon." She pulls on his arm. "Turn around, let me look at you." She giggles, forcing him to turn and she lets out a low whistle. "Hot."
"Stop." But he's laughing at he says it.
"You like it." She tells him as she walks off again. "Where's your bedroom?"
He points with the bottle to a closed door on her left and she keeps looking at him as she gets the door open and then peers in.
"Are you coming with me?"
"We can't do that." He warns.
"Oh my god, i'm not asking you to have sex with me, just sleep with me." She says innocently.
"You know that we can't do that either."
"You're no fun." She says playfully as she ducks into his room and he takes another drink before putting the bottle down and following her. "I can sleep here right?" She asks him as she sits on the edge of his bed.
"That's fine."
She rolls her eyes and stands up as she moves to take off her shorts and she notices him stand up straighter against the doorframe. "I can't sleep in these." She explains. "Don't worry; i'll keep everything else on." He nods as he looks away from her and she pulls back the covers. "I'm still so cold."
He sees her shivering and takes one of his sweatshirts off the top of his dresser and walks it over to her and she takes it gratefully and slips it on then crawls under the covers. He helps her by tucking them up around her shoulders. "Am I going to throw up?" She whispers to him as she snuggles down into the bed.
"No, I think you're okay."
"Okay."
"But you're going to feel sick tomorrow."
"Worth it."
He laughs softly as he brushes her hair off her forehead and she works her arms out from under the covers and sits up. She puts her hands on the side of his face and presses her lips so gently to his and she lays back down before he can do anything, then turns her back to him and pulls the blankets up further and he's truly surprised that she doesn't asks him to stay with her.
He goes back out into the kitchen and grabs the beer, then thinks of her, shivering and wrapped up in his sweatshirt and his bed and drunk and so sweet and he walks over to his air conditioner and clicks it off. He lays down on this couch and tosses and turns and drinks until he finally falls asleep.
In the morning the apartment is so hot and uncomfortable and it makes him feel sleepy even thoug he slept well. He gets up and looks into his room, she's still sleeping, her back still facing him and he walks over to the window in the living room and opens it. The breeze that comes in is humid and sticky and offers him no relief and he feels like opening another beer because he needs something cold but he's lazy and so far away from the fridge and he's already sitting down on the bench by the window so he settles for a cigarette from the pack that's sitting on the table a few feet from him.
He starts off concentrating on the sounds of the apartment, it's silent now but he's waiting for the slightest movement to come from the bedroom so he can put the cigarette out before she gets all the way up and out into the living room with him but then his mind wanders to her and what he's going to do with her. He knows it's not right to be with Carrie when he feels this way for Quinn but how does he explain that to Carrie? And how does he explain that to Mike? He gets so caught up in this thoughts that he completely misses the warning signs that she's awake and by the time that he sees her, she's already halfway across the room and he makes an attempt to put the cigarette out but she shakes her head.
"You shouldn't smoke."
"I'm trying to quit."
She shakes her head. "Liar."
He shrugs and she takes the cigarette and puts it out on the window sill then looks at him with tired eyes.
"How are you feeling?"
"I don't know."
"You hungry?" He asks and she shakes her head. "Do you feel sick?"
"Kind of. My head hurts and I feel like I slept in a ditch last night."
"What? My bed is so comfortable."
"It's really not."
"It is too. You just were sleeping on the wrong side."
"There shouldn't be one comfortable side and one sucky side." She argues back to him.
"Well there is. Go lay back down on the other side and tell me what you think."
"Ugh. Whatever, you win. Your bed is the best, I don't have the energy to fight with you right now." She laughs then gets serious as she bites her lips and she finally sits down on the bench with him. "I'm going to break up with Mike. It's really not fair for me to drag him along like this and even if we aren't going to be anything, it's still not fair. I shouldn't be with him if I feel like I won't ever feel anything for him. I know it's going to suck but I have to do it right? Don't I?"
He takes a breath and plays her words back over in his mind. "I think that's for the best. I....dammit."
"I know."
"Why couldn't I have met you first?"
"Because we're us. We have no good luck, nothing is ever easy."
He closes his eyes at the truth and covers his face with his hand and she moves closer to him, moves his hand out of the way and kisses him and this time she lets him kiss her back and that's the one thing that feels easy.
Chapter 4/?
"Hello?" She closes her eyes at how breathy her voice sounds.
"I can't sleep." His voice is quiet and raspy.
"I can't either."
"Is that why you let the phone ring 8 times?" He jokes gently and the corners of her mouth curve up.
"Did you think that I would be up?"
"I don't know. I kind of hoped that you wouldn't be because I....apparently have no balls and no clue what to say to you."
She doesn't say anything.
"I am sorry that I kissed you."
"Don't be sorry." She hears him groan over the phone.
"I don't know Quinn. What are we doing? What can we do?"
"I don't know. What if this just goes away. What if we just want each other because we can't have each other?"
"Do you really think that's true?"
She shakes her head but then realizes that he can't see it. "No."
He laughs. "Having second thoughts?"
"Maybe. I feel like this could get really complicated."
"Isn't it already?"
"Do you want to make it more complicated?"
"Maybe." She puts her hand over her face. "Lee."
"What?"
She exhales loudly into the phone.
"I thought..."
"That I wanted this?"
"Yeah. I thought that you wanted to get what you want just once."
She suddenly feels very tired, very drained. "What are you saying? Are you going to leave Carrie?"
"Do you want me to?"
"Oh god that makes me sound like a complete bitch. That's my sister."
"I know that. You think I don't know that?"
"I know. And your brother..."
"This sucks." He says plainly and she smiles.
"So what are we going to do?"
"Take it slow?"
"To the point where nothing happens?"
"I think so."
She sinks further into the pillow. "Okay." Her voice is tinted with sadness.
"Okay." He whispers back but neither of them hang up and she falls asleep to the sound of his even breathing.
Quinn tells Carrie that she's done with double dates and Lee tries to delete her number from his phone but can't do it and settles on just not calling her.
She sees Mike almost every day but she still doesn't feel much for him. She makes out with him but stops before it escalates and she knows that she can't keep doing that to him because he does like her, she knows that, she's been told that by him a few times and by Carrie a few thousand times and Quinn likes him just not in that way and she can't make herself feel anymore for him than she already does.
She does know that if she has sex with him, it'll get back to Lee. Mike doesn't seem like the kind of guy that has much discretion and she's already hard all about Lee from Carrie so she guesses that siblings share. It started with a comment about his hands and then she started in on a dozen other things that he's good at and Quinn can't stop herself from listening and she feels like she wants to throw up because she's bent with jealousy.
So maybe she wouldn't care if Mike told him everything because Quinn wants to have some of the painful burden that comes with knowing that the one that you really want is with someone else.
Lee's dreading the day when it finally happens because he's been hearing Mike complain about her stopping him before he can even get her shirt off and all Lee wants to do is tell him to shut up because he doesn't want to hear how far she'll go with him. He can barely feign happiness about that for much longer.
He avoids her like the plague and even when he has to see her, he has dinner at Carrie's moms place and she's there, Lee doesn't look at her once.
Quinn doesn't plan on being there, she's dressed to go out with her friends and Carrie catches her at the bottom of the stairs.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"Out."
"No. You have to stay. You know Lee's coming over."
"Why do I have to be here, he's not my boyfriend."
"You know how mom is about boyfriends."
"No, I don't."
"That's because i've never introduced her to one because she would be terrible. Lee would feel better if you were here."
"I don't think that's true."
"It is. He won't be as intimidated if he knows someone else. This way it won't be just me, Lee, and mom. You'll act as the buffer."
"I can't do that Carrie."
"Why not? Why can't you do this one little thing for me? It'll be fun, please; i'd do it for you." She pleads and Quinn gives in like an idiot and cancels her plans to spend an awkward dinner with Lee.
Carrie is fluttering around te kitchen and the dining room, clearly nervous, trying to make sure everything looks okay and Quinn thinks she needs to relax because it's just Lee. Quinn knows that he's a hundred times more nervous than Carrie is and he doesn't need to be walking into that. She gets the door when he knocks on it, tugging at her clothes and straightening her hair, unconsciously making herself look her best for him and when the door swings open he looks shocked to see her there for just a moment before his eyes drop to his feet.
"I'm sorry that i'm here. I tried not to be. And by the way, Carrie's freaking out so i'm sorry about that too, don't let her make you more nervous. It's fine."
"Oh. Okay." Is all he says and he nods his head. Quinn narrows her eyes then steps aside to let him in.
It's a fairly awkward dinner, quiet, except for Carrie telling her mother how great he is and her mother saying that she's glad that he picked her daughter but Lee doesn't think that she's being honest and he feels like she doesn't mean it and that's uncomfortable in itself and even though he's not looking at Quinn, he can hear her distressed sighs from across the table and she gets up and goes upstairs before dessert.
She's kind of hurt by the way that he acted because there's avoiding her, and there's forgetting her completely and right now it feels like he's forgotten about her because he's not even acknowledging her at all and she doesn't want to think that he got over her that fast or that he's that good at shutting off his feelings so the next time she's with Mike, she doesn't think twice about sleeping with him. She doesn't regret it until after. She never thought that she'd be one of those girls that had sex out of revenge or to heal a hurting heart but that's what she is now. She's a lot of things that she never thought that she would be.
Quinn gets roped into going to one of Lee's shows with Mike and Carrie, it's at a bar and she does slip in easily. They just glance at the ID and pass her through and she sticks close to Mike because he seems so comfortable and in place there and Quinn is definitely not that way. She knows that Lee knows about her and Mike because he really won't look at her. It's a different kind of ignoring, there's more feeling behind it and it actually makes Quinn feel good because it means that he still has some flicker of emotion for her left. He's on stage and Quinn stays quiet and observant of him and the situation and watches every move that Lee makes and when Mike puts his hand on his knee she knows Lee sees that and he looks away fast. But Carrie's also watching him through lust filled eyes and that's when Quinn takes her first sip of beer from Mike's glass and no one stops her so she takes another. It tastes bitter and different and grown up and reckless and by the time he stops playing and joins them at the table she's feeling bad about herself in the best way possible. She find it amusing and funny that, of course she would have an all consuming, life changing, uncontrollable crush on her sisters, very serious, already met the mother, boyfriend and she would some how be tangled up with that guys brother and the whole thing is so absurd and hilarious that she doesn't care that much when Carrie, who's on her way to being drunk, grabs Lee and shoves her tongue down his throat and her jealousy is so stupid and her action of kissing Mike, in almost the exact same way is even more stupid but the small amount of alcohol makes her feel numb and bubbly and she ends up laughing at herself.
Lee watches her, openly for the first time, very carefully and nervously and he knows Quinn hasn't had much before and she's going to hit bottom fast and someone has to be the responsible one, it's not going to be Carrie or Mike because they're even worse than she is and they're currently got two drinks pushed in front of Quinn daring her to drink. It's not his place to step in so he holds off, squirming in his seat and tapping his foot against the base of the stool he's sitting on until finally he slowly slides his arm across the table to get one of the glasses but Carrie grabs his hand before he can get to it.
"That's for Quinn." She slurs out. "That's for my sister." She climbs down off her own stool clumsily and makes her way over to him and Lee keeps her at an arms length at first but she doesn't accept that and pushes her way to him. "She's finally tasting some adult things."
"I don't' think she should go overboard."
"I think she should dive off it. Walk the plank."
"Why am I a pirate?" Quinn yells through a fit of giggles as she almost falls off the chair, Mike catching her in time and she clutches his shoulders to keep herself steady. "Whoa."
"I think maybe we should go." Lee tells the group calmly.
"We just go here and i'm not even drunk yet." Quinn tells him as she takes another sip, one of her hands still on Mike's shoulder.
"We've been here for three hours and the fact that you don't think that you're drunk is proof that you're overly drunk."
"Hey." Mike sounds overly defensive. "Don't use words to prove your point. Don't ell my girlfriend that she's wrong, you're wrong. And she's not a pirate." He says to Carrie and Carrie rolls his eyes as she kisses Lee's cheek.
"Do you even know what you're saying?" Lee asks him as he moves his head back, away from Carrie.
"He's saying that he's my boyfriend." Quinn yells. "He called me his girlfriend so now he's my boyfriend." She takes a long drink from the glass and winces at the taste when it leaves her lips. "Your brother is my boyfriend. How do you feel about that?" She challenges Lee and he doesn't know what to say.
"Why would he care about that?" Carrie asks.
"Because, he...."
"Let's go." Lee cuts her off with a shake of his head. "It's time to go." He stands up, ignoring Carrie's pout, Quinn's eye roll and Mike's obliviousness to it all and throws some money on the table to pay for the drinks before he attempts to lead them all out of the bar.
They kind of scatter when they get out onto the street, Quinn takes Mike's hand and pulls him off to the side and Carrie pulls on Lee's shirt to get him to walk in the direction of his car and Lee makes the decision to get them in a cab because getting them to his car is going to be too hard.
"Let's go home. "
"You're going home."
"No." She gives him a messy kiss and Lee breaks it because all he can taste is alcohol and he's not in the mood. " Come home with me. Then we can have sex."
That gets Quinn's attention. "God Carrie, don't be such a whore, you're on the fucking street."
"At least I have a boyfriend to have sex with."
"Hey." Quinn grabs the front of Mike's shirt and he stumbles forward. "What the fuck is this?"
"That would be nothing without me. You wouldn't have him without me. I set you up."
"Shut up. You think I owe you?"
"Yeah, you owe me a lot and you're so ungrateful."
"You don't even know how to spell ungrateful."
"I'm a lawyer."
"So what? You throw that in my face like you're changing the world or something. Did you know that she couldn't tie her own shoes until she was 13? I think that's why she wears heels all the time. No laces."
Carrie gasps at the omission and lets go of Lee and takes a step towards Quinn. "Did you know that I told Quinn when she was 5 that we were related to the Queen of England and she believed me until she was 10."
"She did a really good British accent." Quinn tells Lee and Lee laughs at her because it's cute. Quinn thinks for a second. Tries to pick an embarrassing memory out of her mind. "One time Carrie went out with a guy and they went to an amusement park and she stuffed her face with fried dough and then she threw up on her date." Carrie goes bright red. "They weren't even on a ride, they were just walking around." Quinn laughs.
"I told you not to tell anyone about that."
"I lied." Quinn shrugs and then Carrie takes a deep breath and looks to Mike and then back to Lee.
"Yeah, well Quinn lost her virginity to a guy that she barely knew in the backseat of his crappy car and then he dumped her ass three hours later."
It's a malicious thing to say and even Mike, whose been staring up at the small bugs and moths that have been swarming at the top of the streetlight, stops what he's doing and stares down at the girls.
Quinn looks close to tears and Carrie looks more than satisfied with the response that she got from her.
"You bitch." Quinn says and Lee's immediately put on edge. He wants the tension to stop and a cab to pull up so he can shove Carrie, Mike, and Quinn into it so he can get the drunks home and mostly he wants the crowd of young, drunk, douchey guys that have gathered around the girls to move the fuck on. He's about to pull Carrie away from Quinn because Quinn looks pissed but before he can reach her Quinn's already pushed her.
"Don't touch me." Carrie yells as she pushes back and the crowd of guys gets closer and more rowdy and Mike's basically joined the crowd so Lee can't count on him to help break them up.
They've been shoving back and forth when Lee steps between them, but that doesn't stop them because they fight through him, almost using him to help their battle, using him as balance as they slap at each other.
"You two need to stop." His voice is strong and authoritative and get's boo's from the crowd, the loudest coming from Mike.
"She shouldn't have said that about me. No one was supposed to know that." Quinn cries.
"I know. That was wrong."
"Why the fuck are you taking her side?" Carrie asks him angrily.
"I'm not taking her side." Lee explains, trying desperately to be the peace keeper. "I'm just saying that you are both totally drunk and saying stupid shit."
"What did I say that was stupid? What she said was so much worse than anything that I said." Quinn yells and Lee sighs in frustration because he won't end this on his own.
"Mike, can you help me, please."
He shakes his head. "Take her top off Quinn."
Both of the girls stop what they're doing and stare at him and Quinn gets back before Carrie does and takes the opportunity to reach out and slap Carrie across the face which illicits some more cheers from the crowd and before Carrie can react at all Lee turns around to face her, his hands on her hips, pushing her back and away from her sister and Mike finally steps forward to hold her back so she can't follow them.
"I can't believe she did that, I can't believe she did that." Carrie repeats over and over again and Lee only nods his head as he tries to get a cab. "Are you going to come home with me now?"
"No."
"Why not?" Carrie whines as Lee waits for a cab to stop and when one does he opens the door and with one hand on her back he guides her into it.
"Because that was a shitty thing for you to say."
"Oh c'mon, she can handle it. For all the crap I give her she is actually a big girl.
"I don't care."
"Don't be mad at me." She says in a sing-song voice as she takes the hem of his shirt in her hand but Lee pulls her off of him and steps away from the cab.
"Go home."
"Lee."
"Go home."
"Will you call me?" Carrie asks him.
"Just.....just go home Carrie." He closes the door and the cab drives off and Lee makes his way back through the dissipating crowd to find Mike and Quinn but he only finds Mike.
"Where the hell is she?"
"She went back into the bar."
"And you let her?"
"I couldn't stop her, she's really strong." He says as he rubs his face.
"She hit you?"
"I might've said something about the backseat of my car."
"That was fucking stupid."
"I thought it was funny."
"You're an ass. Go home."
"But I want her to..."
"She doesn't want to. Get your ass home."
Lee gets back into the bar and finds her sitting at the bar, surrounded by some of the guys that were standing outside. She's taking shots and laughing and Lee walks over and gently grabs her elbow.
"Lee!" She's happy to see him and he has the brief hope that maybe this will be easy.
"Lets get you home."
"No way." She gets her elbow away from him. "This is my fun night and i'm having fun and after what happened out there, i need a drink."
"I think you've had enough."
"Oh please, like i''m supposed to think that you actually care."
"Of course I care. You have to know that I care about you."
"Do I? Do I have to know that? Or do I know that you pretty much don't give a shit until I decide to do this." She knocks back one more shot then grabs the nearest guy to her, he's around 25, blonde, and pulls him in for a drunken kiss.
"Oh my god." Lee pulls her off the stool with his arm around her waist and the other guy knows not to fight back. "What are you doing?"
"Trying to make you jealous because I don't understand how you're not. How are you so fine and all over my sister?"
"I'm not all over her."
"You had sex with her."
"You had sex with Mike."
"So he did tell you."
"Yeah, he did, and he was all....Mike about it and wouldn't shut the fuck up."
"So you were jealous."
"Of course I was."
"Well you could've told me."
"What was I supposed to do? I never saw you."
"And whose fault was that? We both decided to not see each other, we were going to try and see how things went with them."
"And I guess it went pretty well if you're sleeping with him."
"Oh, I only did that to make you jealous."
"Why do you do that? Why are you so focused on making me jealous?"
"Because I love you."
Lee lets go of her and her face goes blank as she sits back down on the stool.
"I didn't mean that. I don't think I meant that. I meant that I like you."
"Quinn." He sounds sad and sympathetic and she doesn't want sympathy, it comes off as condescending to her when she's drunk.
"I don't love you, you dumbass." She hops off the stool and pushes past him, wandering through the bar and he rubs his hand across his face tiredly before he follows her. She's only a few steps away and he takes her hand and she stops. "Do you like me?" She questions.
"Yes."
"Then why did you avoid me like that? You acted like I didn't even exist anymore. Don't you know what that looks like to me? All I was thinking about was how fast you got over me and i'm here sleeping with your brother." She stops and throws her hands over her face. "Oh my god. What the fuck is this anymore? This is stupid. Ugh. Maybe we should just go away from each other because I don't know Lee, I don't know if this is okay. I can't go along with this. So you should just go do your own thing with Carrie, but don't marry her." She says sunddenly and holds his arms tight in her hands. "Don't you even marry her. I can't go to your wedding, I can't even go to her wedding after tonight." She's full on crying now and Lee puts his arms around her and she buries her face into his chest. "Don't marry her."
"I"m not going to marry her. Why would you think that."
"Because, that's what's going to happen. She'd marry you."
"I won't marry her."
She presses her cheek to him so she can talk more clearly. "And we can't ever come back to this bar."
He laughs as he rubs her back. "I don't think that you'll be allowed in any bar for awhile."
"I"m an awful drunk."
"It's not your fault. You don't have much practice."
"Because i'm a child."
"You're not a child. I shouldn't have said that to you."
"But I am. I'm crying in a public place."
He smiles at her. "Then lets go. Let me take you home." She nods and Lee feels like he's breathing for the first time that night.
His car is parked around the block and getting her there is a battle because she wants to stop and talk to everyone and Lee has to drag her along with him and somehow he gets her into his car. By the time he gets around to the drivers side she's got the glove compartment open.
"What are you doing?"
"I don't know." She laughs and he closes the compartment and starts the car. "Where are we going?"
"I'm going back to your house."
"No!" She yells as she grabs desperately at his hands on the steering wheel. "I can't go home."
"Oh, yes you can."
"No. My mom can't know that I drink."
"You clearly don't drink."
"She can't see me drunk, she doesn't even know about the car thing with that guy, she thinks i'm a baby like that, she wants me to grow up and get a life but she doesn't want me to actually do grownup things and I can't go home like this Lee, I can't, and please don't hold it against me that i'm worried about what my mother will do but i'm freaking out and please don't make me go home, please." She begs him and he bites his lip and rests his forehead down on the steering wheel.
"What should I do with you then?"
"Take me to your place."
"How is that any better then going home. You're just not going to show up and that's supposed to make her feel like what? Won't she be worried about you?"
"I'll call her. I'll lie, i'll tell her that i'm staying over a friends house."
"You can barely string a sentence together. She's going to know that you're drunk."
"Not if you help me. Help me and sober me up and tell me what to say, please."
"I don't know if you can be sobered up enough."
"You gotta try."
"Dammit Quinn." He says softly as he puts the car in drive and she bounces in her seat.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you so much."
"Stop doing that, stop bouncing, you're going to throw up."
"Okay, okay." She says as she calms down but she's still talking a mile a minute about everything that's ever happened to her in her life, she lists off all her teachers names from kindergarten to senior year and it amazes him how she can remember all of them now but she can't remember how to get her seatbelt unbuckled when he stops the car as his place.
He has to help her and when he leans across her, she threads her fingers into his hair.
"Your hair is hot."
"Thanks." He mumbles even though he's blushing.
"You like me being nice to you?"
"I don't hate it."
She smiles. "I could be really nice to you." Her voice is quiet and laden with innuendo.
"Okay." He wants to break the mood because nothing is going to happen while she's drunk. "Let's get you inside."
"Okay." She agrees with him and he holds his hand as he walks her up the stairs to his apartment and he lets her lean on him in while he gets the door open.
As soon as she gets inside she's across the room and into the kitchen, opening up his fridge and taking off her shoes at the same time.
"What are you looking for?"
"I need a drink. What's that clear stuff called?"
"You are not drinking anymore."
"You don't have any of that? I'll just settle for a beer." She tells him as she pulls out a bottle out and tries to open the cap on the edge of the counter and he runs over to her.
"Okay, first of all, that's a twist top." He says as he twists off the cap.
"Oh." She laughs and makes a grab for the bottle.
"And you're not having this, you have to call your mom and you're hammered,"
"What's one more drink?"
"A lot." He takes a pull from the bottle.
"You're drinking! Why do you get to drink?"
"Because I fucking need it after the shit that you put me through tonight." He says as he puts the bottle down and gets her a glass of water.
"You're bitchy when you're sober."
"Unbelievable." He says as he hands her the glass and she smiles at him before she takes a drink.
"I want to go to bed."
"You have to call your mother."
"Can you kiss me first?"
"Quinn."
"Just a small one?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because you're drunk."
"If I wasn't drunk would you kiss me?"
He presses his lips together but doesn't say anything and she gets her answer and smirks at him.
"I'd kiss you too." She pats his chest then walks back through the apartment. "I'm tired."
"You mother, call her, I don't need her calling the cops and then someone tells them that the last time they saw you was with me and then they come here and shit goes down."
She stares at him and takes another drink of water. "You really need another drink. Nothing like that is going to happen, why is it so cold in here?" She says randomly as she wraps her arms around herself.
"The air conditioner is on."
"Turn it off."
"It's 95 degrees outside, no way."
"But i'm cold." She whines.
"If I turn it off you'll be hot." His eyes glance down her body by accident and she laughs.
"You checking my out?" She starts to walk towards him and he rolls his eyes as he tries to act like he didn't just get caught. "It's okay if you are." She tells him as she places her hand on his arm. "I'd like it. I'll check you out if you want me to."
"It's.....okay. Not right now."
"C'mon." She pulls on his arm. "Turn around, let me look at you." She giggles, forcing him to turn and she lets out a low whistle. "Hot."
"Stop." But he's laughing at he says it.
"You like it." She tells him as she walks off again. "Where's your bedroom?"
He points with the bottle to a closed door on her left and she keeps looking at him as she gets the door open and then peers in.
"Are you coming with me?"
"We can't do that." He warns.
"Oh my god, i'm not asking you to have sex with me, just sleep with me." She says innocently.
"You know that we can't do that either."
"You're no fun." She says playfully as she ducks into his room and he takes another drink before putting the bottle down and following her. "I can sleep here right?" She asks him as she sits on the edge of his bed.
"That's fine."
She rolls her eyes and stands up as she moves to take off her shorts and she notices him stand up straighter against the doorframe. "I can't sleep in these." She explains. "Don't worry; i'll keep everything else on." He nods as he looks away from her and she pulls back the covers. "I'm still so cold."
He sees her shivering and takes one of his sweatshirts off the top of his dresser and walks it over to her and she takes it gratefully and slips it on then crawls under the covers. He helps her by tucking them up around her shoulders. "Am I going to throw up?" She whispers to him as she snuggles down into the bed.
"No, I think you're okay."
"Okay."
"But you're going to feel sick tomorrow."
"Worth it."
He laughs softly as he brushes her hair off her forehead and she works her arms out from under the covers and sits up. She puts her hands on the side of his face and presses her lips so gently to his and she lays back down before he can do anything, then turns her back to him and pulls the blankets up further and he's truly surprised that she doesn't asks him to stay with her.
He goes back out into the kitchen and grabs the beer, then thinks of her, shivering and wrapped up in his sweatshirt and his bed and drunk and so sweet and he walks over to his air conditioner and clicks it off. He lays down on this couch and tosses and turns and drinks until he finally falls asleep.
In the morning the apartment is so hot and uncomfortable and it makes him feel sleepy even thoug he slept well. He gets up and looks into his room, she's still sleeping, her back still facing him and he walks over to the window in the living room and opens it. The breeze that comes in is humid and sticky and offers him no relief and he feels like opening another beer because he needs something cold but he's lazy and so far away from the fridge and he's already sitting down on the bench by the window so he settles for a cigarette from the pack that's sitting on the table a few feet from him.
He starts off concentrating on the sounds of the apartment, it's silent now but he's waiting for the slightest movement to come from the bedroom so he can put the cigarette out before she gets all the way up and out into the living room with him but then his mind wanders to her and what he's going to do with her. He knows it's not right to be with Carrie when he feels this way for Quinn but how does he explain that to Carrie? And how does he explain that to Mike? He gets so caught up in this thoughts that he completely misses the warning signs that she's awake and by the time that he sees her, she's already halfway across the room and he makes an attempt to put the cigarette out but she shakes her head.
"You shouldn't smoke."
"I'm trying to quit."
She shakes her head. "Liar."
He shrugs and she takes the cigarette and puts it out on the window sill then looks at him with tired eyes.
"How are you feeling?"
"I don't know."
"You hungry?" He asks and she shakes her head. "Do you feel sick?"
"Kind of. My head hurts and I feel like I slept in a ditch last night."
"What? My bed is so comfortable."
"It's really not."
"It is too. You just were sleeping on the wrong side."
"There shouldn't be one comfortable side and one sucky side." She argues back to him.
"Well there is. Go lay back down on the other side and tell me what you think."
"Ugh. Whatever, you win. Your bed is the best, I don't have the energy to fight with you right now." She laughs then gets serious as she bites her lips and she finally sits down on the bench with him. "I'm going to break up with Mike. It's really not fair for me to drag him along like this and even if we aren't going to be anything, it's still not fair. I shouldn't be with him if I feel like I won't ever feel anything for him. I know it's going to suck but I have to do it right? Don't I?"
He takes a breath and plays her words back over in his mind. "I think that's for the best. I....dammit."
"I know."
"Why couldn't I have met you first?"
"Because we're us. We have no good luck, nothing is ever easy."
He closes his eyes at the truth and covers his face with his hand and she moves closer to him, moves his hand out of the way and kisses him and this time she lets him kiss her back and that's the one thing that feels easy.