little pink lunchbox.
maybe i overreact. maybe im just dramatic. maybe we just define being good friends in different ways. i dont know what it is. but it really gets to me. i dont know why. youd think id be used to it by now. my god its been like this for years. sometimes i think its getting better, for a while i thought it was. the thing is you arent doing anything wrong. it just seems like im always the one asking if i can tag along or begging you give me the time of day. sometimes you will say yes, and then turn around and say you cant. too tired. too busy. too much homework. i guess i feel like you know that when you turn around again ill be there. because i want to be. i keep waiting for you to wake up one day and realize. realize that so many others have come and gone but ive stayed forever. we've had our good days and our bad days, but we've stuck it out. or maybe not all the days i thought were good really were. youre one of my best friends, maybe im not one of yours. i wish i just knew whether this was how you are. am i missing something? dont keep me hanging on.
maybe my standards are just too fucking high. i wonder whether i hold people up to impossibly high standards and thats why i have so few friends. granted those that i have i love. im one of those people that when i look back on days gone by and friends gone by i think of how perfect they were. i romanticize them in my mind until those were the golden days. and how can anything compare with the golden days? how can anyone hope to compare to the "perfect" friends that went before. the thing is, those friends were ahving to live up to other at one point. i just seem to find something wrong with everyone. theyre too mean, too innocent, too competitive, they dont reach out, too different. dont worry thought, im conceited and arrogant i admit, but i hold myself up to high standards too. maybe it all traces back to the mother-daughter relationship thing. i think alot of things do. my mom holds me up to those standards and she holds everyone in her life up to impossible standards. i hate it. yet now im doing it. everything my mother does that i hate i do, if i dont do it im afraid one day i will.
wow so i digressed there. i guess it was better than doing the homework i have or writing my hsd essays. i have to do them sometime though.
maybe my standards are just too fucking high. i wonder whether i hold people up to impossibly high standards and thats why i have so few friends. granted those that i have i love. im one of those people that when i look back on days gone by and friends gone by i think of how perfect they were. i romanticize them in my mind until those were the golden days. and how can anything compare with the golden days? how can anyone hope to compare to the "perfect" friends that went before. the thing is, those friends were ahving to live up to other at one point. i just seem to find something wrong with everyone. theyre too mean, too innocent, too competitive, they dont reach out, too different. dont worry thought, im conceited and arrogant i admit, but i hold myself up to high standards too. maybe it all traces back to the mother-daughter relationship thing. i think alot of things do. my mom holds me up to those standards and she holds everyone in her life up to impossible standards. i hate it. yet now im doing it. everything my mother does that i hate i do, if i dont do it im afraid one day i will.
wow so i digressed there. i guess it was better than doing the homework i have or writing my hsd essays. i have to do them sometime though.