The Girl Kate Kissed
(h/t to deconcentrate)
As far as I'm concerned, Kate Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" (not to be confused with the identically titled and reasonably awesome Jill Sobule song) is offensive, appropriative bullshit, and Perry's a homophobic twit (see her previous hit, "UR So Gay"); that she's been embraced as OMG progressive on the merit of "I Kissed a Girl" by the likes of Out magazine is fucking appalling.* I've already discussed this at some length elsewhere, so I'm not going to go into detail here; suffice to say, the sentiments expressed in Kate's song beautifully sum up why, with very few exceptions, I do not kiss girls who publicly identify as straight.
What's a girl to do?
One of my biggest problems with Perry's song is the invisibility of that anonymous, dehumanized "girl" at the other end of the kiss. Perry herself doesn't even know the girl's name; she writes her off as no more than Perry's "experimental game." So, I decided to take a stab at rewriting Perry's song from the other direction.
The results are below. Perry's lyrics are ridiculously awkward even in the original, and I've tried to reflect and/or reuse as many phrases--and even entire lines--as possible, so mine retains that stilted feel to some extent (Many, many thanks to Arion_Hunter for help with the trickier rhythms and for listening to the song so I didn't have to). The final product matches the Perry song line for line (except for the final two, which still fit the rhythm and tune), so if you feel like some subversive karaoke, you're all set.
The Girl Kate Kissed
(by Rachel Edidin, with no apologies whatsoever to Kate Perry)
This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
Got so stupid, drink in hand
Lost my discretion
You used me; I let you
Try me on and blow me off
I’m not here to answer your questions
Don’t need attention
I never said that you could kiss me
I’m not your flavor of the night
I’m not your transgressive thrill ride
Not your boyfriend’s private show
It felt so wrong
You had no right
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight
I never said that you could kiss me
Don’t kiss me
You don’t even know my name
Not that you care
I’m your experimental game
Not even human
It’s not what good girls do
But I’m hardly a girl to you
You confuse me with your lies
And I obey
I never said that you could kiss me
I’m not your flavor of the night
I’m not your transgressive thrill ride
Not your boyfriend’s private show
It felt so wrong
You had no right
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight
I never said that you could kiss me
Don’t kiss me
You think you’re so magical
Who wouldn’t want to kiss those lips?
And you press on when I resist
You are in denial
And this is far from innocent
You never asked if you could kiss me
I’m not your flavor of the night
I’m not your transgressive thrill ride
Not your boyfriend’s private show
It felt so wrong
You had no right
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight
And when you go back to diamonds, girl
I’ll keep my pearls
*If you're planning to comment and tell me how unfair I'm being to poor, misunderstood Kate, and how she's talking about taboo issues and is such a rebel/progressive/maverick , and also your best friend/someone who winces silently every time you refer to them as your best friend/you are gay and like the song and so therefore it obviously cannot be offensive, please refrain from wasting both of our time and instead skip directly to the step where you flounce off in a huff.
As far as I'm concerned, Kate Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" (not to be confused with the identically titled and reasonably awesome Jill Sobule song) is offensive, appropriative bullshit, and Perry's a homophobic twit (see her previous hit, "UR So Gay"); that she's been embraced as OMG progressive on the merit of "I Kissed a Girl" by the likes of Out magazine is fucking appalling.* I've already discussed this at some length elsewhere, so I'm not going to go into detail here; suffice to say, the sentiments expressed in Kate's song beautifully sum up why, with very few exceptions, I do not kiss girls who publicly identify as straight.
What's a girl to do?
One of my biggest problems with Perry's song is the invisibility of that anonymous, dehumanized "girl" at the other end of the kiss. Perry herself doesn't even know the girl's name; she writes her off as no more than Perry's "experimental game." So, I decided to take a stab at rewriting Perry's song from the other direction.
The results are below. Perry's lyrics are ridiculously awkward even in the original, and I've tried to reflect and/or reuse as many phrases--and even entire lines--as possible, so mine retains that stilted feel to some extent (Many, many thanks to Arion_Hunter for help with the trickier rhythms and for listening to the song so I didn't have to). The final product matches the Perry song line for line (except for the final two, which still fit the rhythm and tune), so if you feel like some subversive karaoke, you're all set.
The Girl Kate Kissed
(by Rachel Edidin, with no apologies whatsoever to Kate Perry)
This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
Got so stupid, drink in hand
Lost my discretion
You used me; I let you
Try me on and blow me off
I’m not here to answer your questions
Don’t need attention
I never said that you could kiss me
I’m not your flavor of the night
I’m not your transgressive thrill ride
Not your boyfriend’s private show
It felt so wrong
You had no right
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight
I never said that you could kiss me
Don’t kiss me
You don’t even know my name
Not that you care
I’m your experimental game
Not even human
It’s not what good girls do
But I’m hardly a girl to you
You confuse me with your lies
And I obey
I never said that you could kiss me
I’m not your flavor of the night
I’m not your transgressive thrill ride
Not your boyfriend’s private show
It felt so wrong
You had no right
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight
I never said that you could kiss me
Don’t kiss me
You think you’re so magical
Who wouldn’t want to kiss those lips?
And you press on when I resist
You are in denial
And this is far from innocent
You never asked if you could kiss me
I’m not your flavor of the night
I’m not your transgressive thrill ride
Not your boyfriend’s private show
It felt so wrong
You had no right
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight
And when you go back to diamonds, girl
I’ll keep my pearls
*If you're planning to comment and tell me how unfair I'm being to poor, misunderstood Kate, and how she's talking about taboo issues and is such a rebel/progressive/maverick , and also your best friend/someone who winces silently every time you refer to them as your best friend/you are gay and like the song and so therefore it obviously cannot be offensive, please refrain from wasting both of our time and instead skip directly to the step where you flounce off in a huff.