(no subject)
the sexy tanzanian boy asks me about my sex life as we slouch in the back of Chapel, and he tells me he wants to see me again. I whisper,
"ask me in Swahili and i'll think about it"
the nerdy boy from my early childhood sits with me for hours solving my technological crises, and advises me on laptop purchases. "i can come over and set it up if you want, are you free-"
"can i get it in bright yellow?"
the drunk recently outted boy tickles me at the bar and bites my neck saying "you never call" to which i reply
"I will call you every day if you can tell me my name"
the evangelical philosopher boy shares with me his revelation, "i think i may be a prophet" and i ask,
"don't we all?"
i want none and all of this, i play the games because i love to win. but i go home alone, because i've won, i've won, i told you i would and i don't need even one of you... you can pull my pigtails, but not before i make you want to kiss me. so i'll laugh and call you names and you'll chase after me.
what do i want? winning means safety, it means ego boost without risk of intimacy, it means breath on my neck tonight without you in my bed tomorrow.
someday i'll grow up, someday i'll live right, someday i'll get over myself (mylovespast+myidealfuture)
someday i'll answer when you call
someday i'll learn to let the butterflies in my stomach take flight again.
"ask me in Swahili and i'll think about it"
the nerdy boy from my early childhood sits with me for hours solving my technological crises, and advises me on laptop purchases. "i can come over and set it up if you want, are you free-"
"can i get it in bright yellow?"
the drunk recently outted boy tickles me at the bar and bites my neck saying "you never call" to which i reply
"I will call you every day if you can tell me my name"
the evangelical philosopher boy shares with me his revelation, "i think i may be a prophet" and i ask,
"don't we all?"
i want none and all of this, i play the games because i love to win. but i go home alone, because i've won, i've won, i told you i would and i don't need even one of you... you can pull my pigtails, but not before i make you want to kiss me. so i'll laugh and call you names and you'll chase after me.
what do i want? winning means safety, it means ego boost without risk of intimacy, it means breath on my neck tonight without you in my bed tomorrow.
someday i'll grow up, someday i'll live right, someday i'll get over myself (mylovespast+myidealfuture)
someday i'll answer when you call
someday i'll learn to let the butterflies in my stomach take flight again.