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Anna's Wedding SM1
Originally uploaded by radsadpandaI am such a spaz.
I have anxiously awaited this week for the whole summer (or rather, for the past decade if we are counting "when I grow up..."s), counting the days, calling to make sure I couldn't make it happen a moment sooner, packing and sorting boxes as though I were actually organized....
and as i awoke this morning, knowing that today is my last day here, knowing that tonight I shove my life into a truck, knowing that tomorrow i meet my new home, new friends and new opportunities, all I could think was:
couldn't this wait a couple days?
i've no desire to change my plans, nor do i regret my choices. in fact, i am still excited about it all, just.... not yet. please, not yet.
i should have seen this coming. sitting next to my mother a few days ago in church, she gripped my hand and asked me for a psalm that would give her strength and courage. I asked her what she was nervous about and she said, "You know, after 29 years of teaching, you would think I would stop having nightmares every August. But last night I showed up to school and my lesson plans were missing and I didn't have my room set up, and my kids all hated me."
I speculated briefly at that moment about how I hadn't had any sleepless nights yet, awaiting my own transition. I was pleased to have come so far. Silly me.
Over the years, I have lived with more than 30 different people, sharing as little as a kitchen and as much as a bed. I have lived in houses and dorms and apartments and basements and tents. I have lived in American cities and I've lived in Central American villages. I have lived with drug dealers and fashion designers, speech pathologists and campus ministers.
But today i twiddle my thumbs in terror, wasting time instead of packing up the remains of my life, because i don't know if i have it in me to move into the apartment where I celebrated my first birthday, and live with three girls that i already know are kind and intellegent, to read books and share meals with the hungry and sing praise and fight for justice in the inner city.
on another note, i've decided to take up journalistic wedding photography. apparently, i'm good at it.