Am I as crazy as I feel?

[radiohedge]

Today, I think I experienced my first panic attack. Is this what it feels like to go crazy. I was just sitting there at my Shite telemarketing job when everything when to shit. Every sound like explosions in my ears. I felt the room crushing in around me. My head pounded like something was hatching in my mind. It felt like there was a vice pushing on my temples. I felt as if my eyes were bulging out, and then I started shaking violently. I threw my headset down and ran to my car. I honestly think something horrible could have happened had I not left when I did. I don't really know what that means, but I felt something coming on. I don't know if it was a seizure, or if I would have grabbed a keyboard and turned one of my fellow cubiclists' heads into a canoe. I have never felt like that before. If I DO go insane, please remember me when. I don't think I am really going to, but in that moment, I felt the world crashing down around me. I don't want to go crazy. I think it's all colliding together. My own self loathing, my loneliness, my lack of motivation, my lack of funds, my lack of trust in others, and just my lack of will power. I need to find some peace. I need to find myself. I need to feel wanted.

I need a fucking vacation...