(no subject)
I watched a few embers fly out at me, and I realized that this was perfect, it was me trying to worry and not being able too. I was trying to freak out and I was too content. I was trying to be my old self and it was not working out. I was fighting happiness and losing. A true victory. I don't think that'll be the case each and everytime, but it was in and of itself a remarkable moment, that I am sure would never have had happened unless I had come to terms with everything wrong with me. Still I have work to do. I wish it was summer forever, it would help.
Things that bothered me are no longer so terrible, and a voice of reason is always present. It is unfortunate so many people do not know what things have happened and assume that I am as I am for reasons they cannot know. I only regret my past for it holds some actual power over parts of my future. I have awhile to do the things I need to do to earn my freedom for it.
If I could just hold onto a day like today, I would. I promise you I would hold onto it forever. Simple things created from lots of work and time, people surrounding me that I respected and enjoyed being around for the sole purpose that there mere prescence makes me happy. I do not think it would be right to be friends with anyone for any other reason. If you know they can be this then fight for them.
I have only one wish these days, and it's that I don't fuck all this up. This time I'm well aware of the fact that I am the only one holding that in my hands.
Things that bothered me are no longer so terrible, and a voice of reason is always present. It is unfortunate so many people do not know what things have happened and assume that I am as I am for reasons they cannot know. I only regret my past for it holds some actual power over parts of my future. I have awhile to do the things I need to do to earn my freedom for it.
If I could just hold onto a day like today, I would. I promise you I would hold onto it forever. Simple things created from lots of work and time, people surrounding me that I respected and enjoyed being around for the sole purpose that there mere prescence makes me happy. I do not think it would be right to be friends with anyone for any other reason. If you know they can be this then fight for them.
I have only one wish these days, and it's that I don't fuck all this up. This time I'm well aware of the fact that I am the only one holding that in my hands.