Meeting with the Pediatrician and Beating the Superficial
It was very reassuring to talk with Dr. Keller about our family challenges as of late. She reassured us that this is a normal stage where Finn has realized that Eric and I are permanent objects who love him, but hasn't mastered the concept that we will ALWAYS come back to him when we leave the room... or in his case, move more than five feet away.
She also said that he needs more sleep than he's getting and that he's out of sorts from not sleeping, partly because of his fear that he will wake up and I won't be there. So, we have a plan in place to help him feel more reassured. Either way, she said this stage would pass in about a month and he would "grow out" of this pattern. Tonight I lay with him for an hour until he was asleep. Note: by laid I mean that I half pinned him to the bed and half breastfed him.
We have decided it's a safer idea to let his crib become a toddler bed now rather than the day he climbs out of it. This means installing more childproofing upstairs to make sure he can't leave his room at night. Eric and I are considering the idea of getting a bigger bed and letting him sleep all night with us, but this would require more conditioning on my part than his. I like to have my space when going to sleep- partly so I feel free to be an insomniac (if I must) and don't feel pressured to be still and quiet for a baby. Somehow, it doesn't matter that we end up together in the middle of the night, so continuing that option for a while is a good idea. Dr. Keller said being consistent with sleep training right now would be useless since he has not mastered this OP concept yet.
I am so glad that there's nothing wrong with him other than teething and going through a difficult stage emotionally. I want to be tuned in to how he's feeling and this is one of two times in his life thus far that I have felt clueless to what he's trying to tell us.
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On a separate note and a shameful note... I hate to say this because it is so superficial. It makes me sad that when I see people who I have not seen in a while that they comment, "Wow, you really have lost weight! You look great!" I feel like I am underweight at the low 120s and being 5'8", but hearing this constant feedback leads me to feel insecure and pressured to maintain this weight. I have not gotten my period back yet and I am not sure if being underweight is part of the problem. At this point, insufficient calories are not to blame. It may be a side effect of my medication, a result of breastfeeding, chasing a baby or all things combined. In any case, I was previously two sizes larger in pants than I am now. I never thought of myself as looking healthier with less weight. I know I should just plug my ears and shake my head at our distorted society, but somehow it doesn't happen with the snap of a finger. My shrink suggested I stop weighing myself if I don't want to focus on it, but that's easier said than done for someone with a history of an eating disorder in my early years. Weighing gives me an artificial sense of control over my life. My shrink also pointed out that it is a place where I do battles and set boundaries- through my body. This may not make sense without more elaboration and it feels too deeply personal to say unfiltered, but I recognize this as a definite truth. I think women are beautiful in every form, so why the poor self-regard and lack of respect for my form as it ages and changes? Why the lack of flexibility?
She also said that he needs more sleep than he's getting and that he's out of sorts from not sleeping, partly because of his fear that he will wake up and I won't be there. So, we have a plan in place to help him feel more reassured. Either way, she said this stage would pass in about a month and he would "grow out" of this pattern. Tonight I lay with him for an hour until he was asleep. Note: by laid I mean that I half pinned him to the bed and half breastfed him.
We have decided it's a safer idea to let his crib become a toddler bed now rather than the day he climbs out of it. This means installing more childproofing upstairs to make sure he can't leave his room at night. Eric and I are considering the idea of getting a bigger bed and letting him sleep all night with us, but this would require more conditioning on my part than his. I like to have my space when going to sleep- partly so I feel free to be an insomniac (if I must) and don't feel pressured to be still and quiet for a baby. Somehow, it doesn't matter that we end up together in the middle of the night, so continuing that option for a while is a good idea. Dr. Keller said being consistent with sleep training right now would be useless since he has not mastered this OP concept yet.
I am so glad that there's nothing wrong with him other than teething and going through a difficult stage emotionally. I want to be tuned in to how he's feeling and this is one of two times in his life thus far that I have felt clueless to what he's trying to tell us.
*********
On a separate note and a shameful note... I hate to say this because it is so superficial. It makes me sad that when I see people who I have not seen in a while that they comment, "Wow, you really have lost weight! You look great!" I feel like I am underweight at the low 120s and being 5'8", but hearing this constant feedback leads me to feel insecure and pressured to maintain this weight. I have not gotten my period back yet and I am not sure if being underweight is part of the problem. At this point, insufficient calories are not to blame. It may be a side effect of my medication, a result of breastfeeding, chasing a baby or all things combined. In any case, I was previously two sizes larger in pants than I am now. I never thought of myself as looking healthier with less weight. I know I should just plug my ears and shake my head at our distorted society, but somehow it doesn't happen with the snap of a finger. My shrink suggested I stop weighing myself if I don't want to focus on it, but that's easier said than done for someone with a history of an eating disorder in my early years. Weighing gives me an artificial sense of control over my life. My shrink also pointed out that it is a place where I do battles and set boundaries- through my body. This may not make sense without more elaboration and it feels too deeply personal to say unfiltered, but I recognize this as a definite truth. I think women are beautiful in every form, so why the poor self-regard and lack of respect for my form as it ages and changes? Why the lack of flexibility?