(no subject)
I am afraid of you.
You intimidate me to the point of speechlessness, mainly because I see something in you that could happen and I am so afraid of fucking that up that it stays my tongue to silence.
I don't know what you think we are, and I don't want to put a label on it for fear of scaring you off.
I know a few things, things I am going to share with you tomorrow when I see you face to beautiful face.
one: I am not content with being the man you are with just because I am the safe choice for your child. I understand that you feel the weight of sacrifice upon you to be the best mother you can be to your little one, but the idea of being the man you settle for because I want to be there for her as much as you is not something I want to be a part of. I want to be a part of your life for you. I want to be with you because I want to be with you. She is, and always will be a part of you that I would never remove.. or want to. I just want to know that when you kiss me, you are not kissing me for the sake of kissing me, you are kissing me because you melt like I do.
two: I am afraid of you because I think you might be shaping yourself (in my mind) into the woman I have been writing to. That woman does not, nor ever will exist. She is a fictional part of me that I will always project on the woman I think I love. Not that I am ready to use that word with you yet. but if you are a part of me, as I think you are... that will come in time.
three: I need to know, without beating around the bush, without untruths, where I stand with you at all times. I personally have no fucking clue where we are, mainly due to my overall inexperience with romance that is not involved on celluloid and the fact that you are ever a different person whenever I see you next. You do not bore me. Nay, dare I say you perplex me to the point of insanity and I don't know where to step around you. I don't know what to do with you from one minute to the next.
Four: be hot or be cold. pick one. just do it. I prefer hot, because I like you when you are hot.
Five, and final: Cut me loose if you don't want me, not because I have pressing business elsewhere, (because you are honestly the biggest focus of my life right now, and I'd drop most anything to do things for you that only two other people on this planet could call on me for), and not becuse I am eager to see you go, (because my day is far brighter with you in it) but for the sake of your self. I do not want to see you put yourself through this just for an altruistic reason. do what is best for you. I am altruistic enough for the both of us...
"it seems so out of context/in this gaudy apartment complex/a stranger with a doorkey/ explaining that I'm just visiting/and I am finally seeing/I was the one worth leaving/I was the one worth leaving"
/drunken rant
You intimidate me to the point of speechlessness, mainly because I see something in you that could happen and I am so afraid of fucking that up that it stays my tongue to silence.
I don't know what you think we are, and I don't want to put a label on it for fear of scaring you off.
I know a few things, things I am going to share with you tomorrow when I see you face to beautiful face.
one: I am not content with being the man you are with just because I am the safe choice for your child. I understand that you feel the weight of sacrifice upon you to be the best mother you can be to your little one, but the idea of being the man you settle for because I want to be there for her as much as you is not something I want to be a part of. I want to be a part of your life for you. I want to be with you because I want to be with you. She is, and always will be a part of you that I would never remove.. or want to. I just want to know that when you kiss me, you are not kissing me for the sake of kissing me, you are kissing me because you melt like I do.
two: I am afraid of you because I think you might be shaping yourself (in my mind) into the woman I have been writing to. That woman does not, nor ever will exist. She is a fictional part of me that I will always project on the woman I think I love. Not that I am ready to use that word with you yet. but if you are a part of me, as I think you are... that will come in time.
three: I need to know, without beating around the bush, without untruths, where I stand with you at all times. I personally have no fucking clue where we are, mainly due to my overall inexperience with romance that is not involved on celluloid and the fact that you are ever a different person whenever I see you next. You do not bore me. Nay, dare I say you perplex me to the point of insanity and I don't know where to step around you. I don't know what to do with you from one minute to the next.
Four: be hot or be cold. pick one. just do it. I prefer hot, because I like you when you are hot.
Five, and final: Cut me loose if you don't want me, not because I have pressing business elsewhere, (because you are honestly the biggest focus of my life right now, and I'd drop most anything to do things for you that only two other people on this planet could call on me for), and not becuse I am eager to see you go, (because my day is far brighter with you in it) but for the sake of your self. I do not want to see you put yourself through this just for an altruistic reason. do what is best for you. I am altruistic enough for the both of us...
"it seems so out of context/in this gaudy apartment complex/a stranger with a doorkey/ explaining that I'm just visiting/and I am finally seeing/I was the one worth leaving/I was the one worth leaving"
/drunken rant