Flogging a dead horse
Many of you, my wonderful friends and family, have commented that Andy not being attracted does not exactly compute. There had to have been some attraction, or he wouldn't have been getting off and telling me that I'm good in bed. I agree that that's confusing and it doesn't compute for me either. Maybe it's just a lot easier for him to avert his gaze and be aroused by... whatever talents I may have... than it would be for me. (Trying to keep this somewhat G rated.) But I'm not sure how much it helps me to keep analyzing it, although it's hard not to. (Is it by stomach? Ass? Thighs? Face? All of the above?) But here's what really doesn't compute for me: that something so superficial actually matters to him! I thought there was more depth than that.
The other response that I've gotten from you all is surprise: He seemed to great! I thought he was serious about you! Yes, I thought so too. In fact, when we were talking last night I remarked how hard it was for me to give up my fantasy of a life and family with him, and how it had felt like he had bought into that. He was genuinely astonished that I even went there. When he asked me to give up my family plans, it seems, he was simply thinking, "Wow, I really feel good when I'm with Rachel, but I don't think I'd like it if she were pregnant." (And perhaps he was also thinking he wished I was hotter. Who the fuck knows.) But he didn't seem to consider what a HUGE THING it is asking me to postpone planning a family, and that I might interpret that to mean he was taking our relationship VERY SERIOUSLY. WTF?? Apparently, he didn't think it might be prudent to wait until he was certain he was attracted to me before asking that of me.
OK, loves, enough horse flogging. I'm hitting the road. I'm going up to Redding to see my uncle Richard & aunt Celeste. Richard turned 60 yesterday!! Happy birthday, Otter Botter!! <3 <3 <3
Thanks for all the supportive and loving emails and messages. I have the best friends in the world. :-)
The other response that I've gotten from you all is surprise: He seemed to great! I thought he was serious about you! Yes, I thought so too. In fact, when we were talking last night I remarked how hard it was for me to give up my fantasy of a life and family with him, and how it had felt like he had bought into that. He was genuinely astonished that I even went there. When he asked me to give up my family plans, it seems, he was simply thinking, "Wow, I really feel good when I'm with Rachel, but I don't think I'd like it if she were pregnant." (And perhaps he was also thinking he wished I was hotter. Who the fuck knows.) But he didn't seem to consider what a HUGE THING it is asking me to postpone planning a family, and that I might interpret that to mean he was taking our relationship VERY SERIOUSLY. WTF?? Apparently, he didn't think it might be prudent to wait until he was certain he was attracted to me before asking that of me.
OK, loves, enough horse flogging. I'm hitting the road. I'm going up to Redding to see my uncle Richard & aunt Celeste. Richard turned 60 yesterday!! Happy birthday, Otter Botter!! <3 <3 <3
Thanks for all the supportive and loving emails and messages. I have the best friends in the world. :-)