(no subject)
I have to go to my dad's house tomorrow, so I'm really stressed. I know I'm going to have ten thousand attacks when I'm there. On top of that, I have to hide my medication from my dad and my step-mom, who is extremely nosey and will most likely rummage through my shit. He'll get pissed if he finds out they're medicating me, he thinks I need therapy, not chemicals. But it's the combination of both that's getting me somewhere. I also can't smoke there. At all. I'm so used to two pack a day, I'll probably start throwing up and go through withdrawls. Not to mention I'm still really sick. I'm so screwed. I wanted to have Thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family, but no. I hate my dad's side. They're not accepting at all and I know they're just going to make fun of all my body mods and call me "gothic" because I wear black eyeliner. I don't know if I can endure that. But I guess I have to, I really should stay on my dad's good side so I can get money for college and everything else I need. Nik said he'd pick me up if I wanted to come home like last time, but I'd feel bad. If only Gina was still around. God, I'm going to be so homesick. I'm such a baby. I'll probably cry myself to sleep like I do everynight I'm there. I just hate that house, so many bad fucking memories. At least Leah will be there. Big sister comfort. Maybe I can sleep in her room. Ugh, so we'll see how this goes.