(no subject)
Ohh what a week it's been...
I met someone as some of you know. Someone named Jake. Jake was pretty, I liked Jake. Jake...is racist, chews, and smokes. The three things that turns me off most about guys. So...here's the deal. He's hot...and fun...and nice...and sweet. But, into all that shit that I'm completely against. Am I shallow enough to pursue this? UGH. I don't know. It's been SO LONG since I've had a no-commitment-WHATSOEVER relationship. Hell, I've NEVER had one of those...I feel obligated to myself to pursue this. But can I adjust my morals enough to fit that? I've never done this before...just have a "friends-with-benefits" type of thing...Idk if I'd be able to do it. I'd feel too slutty and I don't wanna be like that. I've only seriously dated 2 guys in my life. I suck at this I think. Maybe that's the problem. I think. This is highschool...I'm supposed to have fun, right? Only live once...and it's not every day that a freaking HOT guy (hotter in the dark) wants you and texts you constantly and calls to hang out with you. Ya know? Buut...turn offs. AHH. Thinking sucks. Ok. I'm done thinking. I'll just go with tha flow! It always works out better that way...
So...Sarah thinks I'm a slut. But oh well, I don't mind. I've been tied down for so long that I don't even care any more. I've been a very non-slutty person and I've stuck to my morals my whole life...it's alright to go outta the box a little sometimes. And it's not like I'm taking it to extremes. I haven't done anything as of right now. I just wanna have fun. After the whole...long long long relationship thing I'm ready to just go out, do whatever the hell I want to, not care about ANYTHING anyone thinks of me, and just live...it...up. That sounds so good right now. I don't care anymore. I'll make my limits, I promise. Won't get too crazy. I'll just...have fun!
(Yes, I did notice I just contradicted myself there...split personalities...you like it!)
Okay, had to talk to myself there for a little while. There are a lot of other things on my mind besides guys. Actually they're the least of my thoughts right now.
School...am I the only one that feels like every freaking teacher we have is trying to cram all this shit into the last 4 weeks of school?? 2 lessons a day...a quiz every other day...I swear. It's getting ridiculous. I don't know what they think we are. I wonder how many labs Mr. Hough's gonna be able to squeeze in before the 18th...or how many tests Mrs. Houk can fit in....or how many chapters McQuitty will breifly go over and "skip" the tests for...lol. I love that class. Definitly my slacker class. Oh well...4 weeks and we're upperclassmen!! These last two years are gonna kick ass! We'll ALL drive next year (not just you...ME too!) and we'll have a blast. I can't wait. But our graduation day....Oooh man I dread that day. I'm going to BAWL my eyes out! Even next year's.....holy crap. I'm gonna cry. Not even kidding...I'm going to CRY. Not gonna be pretty. Note to self: No mascara that day.
Parents...I don't understand. I really have no idea what I have to do to please them! They've been chewing my head off for everything I do (or don't do) lately. I feel like they're having marriage problems...but how can you have marriage problems when your marriage consists of seeing each other twice a week and barely even talking to each other during those 2 days? I don't get it. They're just...picking fights. Anything I do/want/say...they have something to throw back in my face. "I need shoes" *not asking for money or anything* 'WHY DO YOU NEED SHOES YOU FLAMING IMBUSUL?!?* (havent looked at spelling list yet, so that's bound to be wrong) 'YOU THINK YOU NEED EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD AND YOU HAVE IT SO EASY AND I'M NOT SPENDING MONEY ON YOUR STUPID SHOES!' Mmm...OKAY! Sounds great. Love you too Mom. Then, 5 minutes later, I swear..."Here's some money for this weekend. Have a great time!" Mom's nutty. Oh well...that's their job. Make life miserable so you're forced to move out ASAP.
Okay, well I'm just rambling and no one cares about this so....I'll just go now. I love you guys!