At my gym.
This man goes to my gym. But when he comes in my gym, he wears a grey t-shirt tucked into black sweatpants (which are pulled up far higher than anyone's natural waistline should be) and white high-top tennis shoes. I told Ben today, "You know those Russian guys who train bears for circuses? One of those goes to my gym!" and he knew exactly what type of guy I was talking about. Instead of a bear, though, I think he trains small boys.
I first became fascinated by Bear Trainer last summer when he was at my gym every day with a young boy. The boy was probably about 10. I thought this was inappropriate, because he was making the boy use the same machines as he was using. I think kids should exercise by playing, not by doing reclining leg lifts. Maybe that's just me. Anyway, he made me angry because I assumed he was sneaking this kid into the gym, because they would come in through the service door when the people brought the clean towels, instead of coming in the front and swiping their card. But no one ever said anything or made them leave, and here it is nearly a year later and he's still there, working on his "physique" and taking on entire teams of old men in volleyball.
That was why he started to annoy me today.
Wait - first let me interject that when Bear Trainer is at the gym, I lock in on him and find it impossible to divert my attention from him long enough to halfway enjoy my workout. I wonder if he has one of those open shirts with big pants and fuzzy boots and hats, and I wonder if he has bears. I wonder what he's doing there and why he tucks in his shirt to sweatpants. I wonder does he ever take a shower and I wonder if he grooms his moustache. I wonder why he has to be at the gym as the same time as I do, because I'm only there for like, an hour, and he could totally just come later and I wouldn't have to see him. Which would make me happy.
But back to today.
Today when I got there, which was the first time this week I could move semi-comfortably after my workout group on Monday night, he was playing volleyball in the center section of the gym. It was Bear Trainer VS. Three Old Dudes. And he was kicking their ass. And I couldn't help but wonder intensely on how that came to be, that Bear Trainer went up against three 70+year-old guys in a friendly game of volleyball. What were those old men thinking? What was Bear Trainer trying to prove? That he could best three old men? The whole thing annoyed me further when they kept hitting the ball into the machine section and knocking this one old lady repeatedly in the face. And no one who worked at the gym said anything. It was like watching toddlers play around a table set with your good china. But I powered on in my eliptical machine bliss and hoped he would go away soon, as the Senior Exercise Group was setting up to start.
Sadly, Bear Trainer took the descent of the Seniors into the common area to work out his legs. On the machines. Right in front of my eliptical machine.
*gross - and it just gets grosser*
I don't have any crazy notions about the gym. I know it's a place where people go and work hard and sweat. That's why my gym provides what can only be one size smaller than airplane engine sized fans for our comfort on the treadmills and elliptical machines. Well. Bear Trainer decided he needed to cool down a little and so turned a fan to face him. Which blew air on me. And his smell.
I thought I was going to die. There I was, trying to get through this already difficult because of sore muscles workout, and here comes a man I detest stinking up my area. I really did think I might hurl at one point. And in no way do I expect sweaty people not to smell, but I have never been to the gym and known it to "stink" like it stank today.
Needless to say, the next 14 minutes were destined to CRAWL by as Bear Trainer did glute exercises right in my face and blew his special Bear Trainer smell all over me while I turned my head and tried to remain standing.
Thankfully, after about 8 minutes he left, and I was able to continue my cool-down without threat of regurgitation or loss of consciousness.
And Ben wonders why I hate going to the gym so much.
And if you're wondering, the guy SERIOUSLY looks exactly like this picture. It's fucking uncanny.